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In tears - ds got am award today and one of my friends. .

(69 Posts)
lborgia Thu 10-Dec-15 11:58:09

"I suppose that will just go in his collection". Ds has dealt with some real crap this year but is naturally bright, top of his year, and that's what the prize was for.

He's been doing gt maths since the beg of primary, and next 2 years, 5&6 will be doing gt everything. But he's a lovely kid, friends with most kids, cares about them and i never discuss his abilities unless someone brings it up. Even then it makes me feel awkward. Usually i say something like "well he doesn't get it from me! "

I have dealt with a lot of sly comments over the years. .but for some reason I'm just done today. Why? Why can't people who actually know you/your child find it in themselves to at least be kind? ?

Sorry, complete rant. Ds 2 got first report back today and that was astonishingly good and you know my first thought? Dread. Because i can't bear the thought of another set of parents like this.

OK, I'm done.

Thanks for listeningblush

Caprinihahahaha Thu 10-Dec-15 12:01:17

I think you need to take a big step back.
Being irked because of a comment which may or may not be passive aggressive is one thing but dreading a good report is incredibly self indulgent.

Is there something else going on that is bothering you because this is the biggest mountain of all molehills.
I had one son who was incredibly advanced and one who had special needs and learning difficulties. I can assure you which batch of school reports are the ones that make me cry.

MisForMumNotMaid Thu 10-Dec-15 12:02:36


When you work out how to have a thicker skin will you tell me how because I'm damned if I can master the playground even as an adult.

Congratulations to your DC. What are you going to do to let them know how proud you are?

HelpfulChap Thu 10-Dec-15 12:04:41

Just be proud of them and happy for them.

There are a lot of competitive parents at school and many don't like to think their child isn't the brightest, best footballer etc.

The school years don't actually last THAT long (just feels like it).

catkind Thu 10-Dec-15 12:08:23

It was probably meant as a compliment. Unless you have reason to believe this friend isn't a friend. Honestly, people just say stuff for something to say. She probably thought you'd be gratified that she'd noticed your DS winning lots of awards.

Caprinihahahaha Thu 10-Dec-15 12:19:45

I do agree with catkind
Unless there is a reason why you think this person was being mean, I don't think that sounds rude.
DD won a lot of things at swimming recently and a couple of people said comments along the lines of ''wow, you'll need to get a trophy cabinet soon'

It's not mean is it?

lborgia Thu 10-Dec-15 12:20:34

Thanks for the cuppa Misfor.. just what i needed. We're taking them out for pizza with their godfather who is their favourite person in the world grin

I know that being "different" at school made my life complicated, and i was really enjoying the younger one being a bit oblivious and just rushing around being 5. It seems that they are doing OK socially with it all and I'm getting the sarkie comments. .which of course is infinitely preferable!

Helpful, are you really a chap? Sounds like something my dad would've said (and he was usually right).

Caprini - if you had just misunderstood me, then I would refer you back to my comment and say that I dreaded the mummy fallout, not the good report. As you took the opportunity to kick me when i was already feeling sad, I'll assume you were being obtuse and tell you to sod off.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated Thu 10-Dec-15 12:21:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated Thu 10-Dec-15 12:23:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lborgia Thu 10-Dec-15 12:24:16

Sorry, catkind, didn't see you there. No, generally we get on well, but she's made a couple of pointed comments before that i put down to being my problem (thin skinned, misinterpreting), but the context of that sentence told me it was a pa remark.

It itself not awful, but the drip feed gets to you eventually (and you know how much we hate drip feeding! ).

TheVeryThing Thu 10-Dec-15 12:27:10

That was very unkind of your friend, but I'm not sure why you are feeling dreading after receiving the school report.

I have no idea how academic or otherwise my son's classmates are, and wouldn't share the contents of his report with anyone other than adoring grandparents or aunties.

Caprinihahahaha Thu 10-Dec-15 12:31:40

I genuinely wasn't trying to kick you.
I really wasn't.
I'm just trying to say that it really isn't anything you should let affect you. I know that's easier said than done but it really is worth taking a step back and checking if what we are being triggered by is rational.

I did get comments from both ends of the spectrum. Comments about Ds1 and his ridiculously precocious vocabulary and comments about Ds2s extreme behaviours. I'm sorry that my attempt to talk about that seemed like a lack of sympathy.
I think you misinterpreted me in spite of your assumption that I had just misunderstood you.

Badders123 Thu 10-Dec-15 12:35:16

I think - and I say this kindly - that you need to get a grip.
It was a throw away comment.
Is there other stuff going on ATM that you are upset about?
Seems a rather extreme reaction tbh.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Thu 10-Dec-15 12:35:28

I honestly think that having high achieving children makes life much easier in many ways and you should be grateful for that. It is something to treasure and enjoy, but I dont think their achievements are necessarily something to be shared beyond close family.

I have a high achieving ds who has won various awards and is always top of his year or thereabouts. He is year 8 so his friends know what he achieves but my friends don't beyond the normal 'he's doing fine thanks'. I discuss it with no one apart from grandparents, dh and ds.

Badders123 Thu 10-Dec-15 12:37:44

Yes...why would these people know what you sons report contained?
I have 2 DC on either end of this spectrum. One who struggled and never got a certificate for anything and one who is very able and seems to get one every week.
If someone had said that to me, I would have laughed and made a joke of it, unless it was said in a really nasty manner, in which case I would have thought "wow, what a bitch!" And avoided her from then on.

EnaSharplesHairnet Thu 10-Dec-15 12:38:59

It's disappointing from a friend. But some people get sensitive around kids' development.

No need to take it too hard. When I felt a friendship slipping that way I stopped mentioning my son in relation to school at all. A few years down the line and the friend now (occasionally!) sings the praises of my kid's academic leanings.

I've always praised her kids as they are great in lots of ways. I saw it as her problem/hang-up, not mine.

DancingDuck Thu 10-Dec-15 12:39:09

Congratulations to him. People are weird about academic achievement. They love patting the sporty stars on the back, as though that ability rubs off on the whole community. But a bright kid is often seen as somehow presumptuous for having got ahead of the others, in a way that a county level sprinter, footballer or cricketer just isn't.
PM-ing you.

Caprinihahahaha Thu 10-Dec-15 12:39:40


It's interesting isn't it - having one at each end of that spectrum. My DD is also gloriously average . I've got everything covered grin

<sods off>

mouldycheesefan Thu 10-Dec-15 12:41:47

Wow I have never met a child who is g and t at everything. My daughter is g and t at academic subjects but not at sport or art. My other daughter is talented at sport but not maths. It is very unusual to be gifted and talented at everything so that is bound to attract attention. I wouldn't take th comment as negative just smile! Enjoy having a very unusual child! No drama!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Thu 10-Dec-15 12:42:08

I never discuss his abilities unless someone brings it up. Even then it makes me feel awkward. Usually i say something like "well he doesn't get it from me!

Please don't do that (I do it too), don't put yourself down for other people.

There is nothing wrong with saying "Yes, we're very pleased/proud of him"

I know what you mean though, it's that drip, drip, drip of little comments that grind you down over the years.

Try going the other way with it, much more fun wink

"I suppose that will just go in his collection"
"Yes, we're having to build an extension to house them all"

lborgia Thu 10-Dec-15 12:42:13

Theverything - no, we don't share reports, but eventually the other kids/parents started to realise about dc1 and I'm assuming it would become apparent eventually with dc2. At the moment they're all just small and the mums are friendly and I just had a bit of a heart sink and it becoming similarly precarious.

Again. This was a one off rant. I don't weep into my pillow every night at the iniquity of having two clever children smile. At least a couple of you seen to have understood so thank you for that.

Seeline Thu 10-Dec-15 12:43:31

OP I think I know where you're coming from. I've got two bright kids - not genius, but well above average. I've always noticed how kids winning football awards, swimming certificates, music grades etc is always celebrated among other parents. Having a kid who is clever is not viewed in the same way by others. I have never discussed my DCs academic reports or achievements with anyone outside of the family, but have still received very snide comments from others. Keep your head down, ignore all comments and enjoy and celebrate your DCs achievements with those who care. flowers

AnnaMarlowe Thu 10-Dec-15 12:44:07

Iborgia it does sound like the other parent was rude, but I suspect that their rudeness was far more to do with their own issues.

Well done to Iborgia Jnr.

longingforfun Thu 10-Dec-15 12:44:30

How does everyone know that your dc gets prizes? Are they given out when parents are present?
OP I don't understand why you get tearful at possibly barbed comments rather than irritated. It would just make me cross.
My dc was G&T and in a small accelerated learning group but I never heard a peep out of other parents about it and I never discussed it with them so I don't know if they even knew about it. Certainly my dc wasn't aware of it, but that's just how the school dealt wit it; thee was no public singling out of anyone.

LeaLeander Thu 10-Dec-15 12:45:21

Why on earth would you tell other parents the contents of your children's reports in the first place? Especially if you dread their reaction?

People can't comment on matters they don't know about.

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