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2 1/2 year old, exceptionally bright. Not showing this at nursery.

(120 Posts)
wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:19:40

That's it really. He's a very sociable, confident boy who never stops talking at home. Apparently he hardly speaks at nursery. Is this an indicator of how things will be in years to come? I feel he's slipping into the sidelines/afraid to be his true self.
It's almost as if he's "dumbing down" to fit in with his peers. (there. I said it)
I just want him to be his true self which is witty, extrovert, creative and full of life.
He seems happy to go to nursery.
Any tips on why there seems to be such disparity here?

heather1 Thu 23-Jan-14 15:02:39

When Ds was about 2,5 he was talking a lot at home. I assumed the same a nursery. So I thought I'd ask the just to check. He wasn't saying a word other than yes and no. So I said 'Ds why aren't you talking at nursery? All the helpers really like you' and he said 'mummy they don't know me' so we talked about it and I told him they really liked him and they did know him. After that he started to talk at nursery as much as at home. So maybe ask him why he isn't talking and see what he says.

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 15:07:17

OP - if you know more than anyone on here about teaching, child care and research methods, perhaps you should be on the G&T register! wink

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 15:11:31

Mistlethrush, that wouldn't be a child starting with O, would it? Currently into classics, ancient music and endangered reptiles?

If not, oh god, there's two of them.

I think being bright does often show itself in 2 year olds though, and even in babies ?
But possibly difficult to say exactly how bright, and whether they were likely to be G&T ?
I think in the nursery setting there should be ample opportunities for all children to develop their interests and skills in a fairly open ended way.
It's only later, at school, that there becomes more of a need for activities to be differentiated according to the child's ability and level of understanding?
I remember being very impressed with my DNiece coming up with a little song about her toes just before her second birthday, and she was generally very talkative. She's done well at school but probably not exceptionally so ATM

mistlethrush Thu 23-Jan-14 15:16:22

Lancelottie - no, this child was a bit younger than me, so probably has their own bunch of little G&Ts now - if, that is, there was room in his life to allow for a wife and a family of course! He was the 4th very bright child in that family - and probably the most obviously 'different' from a very young age - all went on to do extremely well academically and carry on in the same vein.

PlumpPartridge Thu 23-Jan-14 15:17:21

I find myself nodding and smiling a lot at a friend whose DS is exactly the same age as mine. Her DS spoke at 12 mo, has higher comprehension than mine AND didn't seem to go off into toddler fits of rage anywhere hear as often. I observed all this and was am moderately wistful that DS1 isn't the same as her DS.

However, her DH has form for proudly holding forth on FB about just how great their DS is and THAT, dear friends, in what sets my teeth on edge. I can cope with lovely bright little kids but their (admittedly justifiably) proud parents make me stabby grin

PlumpPartridge Thu 23-Jan-14 15:19:16

They are lovely on all other topics however and that is why I charitably forgive them their pride. I sometimes wonder what they tolerate about me!

saintlyjimjams Thu 23-Jan-14 15:41:48

My ds3 is the noisiest, stroppiest, talk the hind leg off a donkey child at home. At school he is very quiet. To the point where the teachers laugh & don't believe me when I tell them what he like at home. He was practically selective mute when he first started, would nod and shake his head and not much more.

It works quite well tbh. If he was like he is at home at school I would be called in all the time and he'd be a PITA. He just takes school quite seriously I think - thank god.

MostWicked Thu 23-Jan-14 15:43:12

Pretty much ALL 2.5yr olds have a high learning potential.

kkag Sat 25-Jan-14 16:32:25

I think, as others have said, you might cringe in later years when you think back on this. You've referred to a 2 year old as exceptionally bright, bless you I've never heard anyone call their own toddler average. And you sought out a g and t forum, I suspect because you're desperate for someone to validate your opinion.

I hope for his sake he's bright enough to pick up some empathy and humility along the way because it sounds like he won't learn it from you. Ever done any research on the harm caused by unrealistic expectations placed on kids by their parents? Something to think about I suggest.

gruffalosoldier14 Mon 27-Jan-14 12:20:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mistlethrush Mon 27-Jan-14 12:29:37

This is not an education forum, its a forum for parents.

naty1 Mon 27-Jan-14 12:44:33

I have to say a young child can behave differently with different people. Mine (20m) tries to impress her grandparents. But at 13-14m in nursery i dont think said a word nor in toddler groups when i thought about it, with me.
I dont think its necessarily shyness.
For her it was upset, she hated nursery violently too many kids not enough adults not enough attention. So in that state no speech.
At playgroup i think too much going on, no need to talk too much fun running around playing.
I focused on saying what toy she was bringing me and quickly she was talking there too.
They think that speech is 2way so the more you talk the more they do. In nursery, as some have said less encouragement and if the child seems happy playing. if the other kids are younger depending on the age in the room may not speak much either, as some have said some dont speak to till a few years old.
I think you could say a 2 yr old seems bright but yes that doesnt mean they will do well at school and as with lots of milestones it all can level out in the end.
I like to think up to gcse level you can do well by hard work. That can make more difference than intelligence.
It is only really beyond that anyone is really stretched (now)

brettgirl2 Mon 27-Jan-14 20:02:52

my mother in law goes on about dd1 being exceptionally bright hmm . She's always seemed much the same as her (probably brightish) peers to me. I disagree with her. . ...btw

naty1 Tue 28-Jan-14 08:53:19

I think grandparents can be aware of differences more than the parents after all they have "seen it all before"
But say my parents only have experience of girls.
And my lg is v different to her dad and aunt so s

naty1 Tue 28-Jan-14 09:03:01

Oops posted too soon
So those grandparents dont understand allergies, sleep problems as hers were quite contented babies.
The nan cant understand "she doesnt sleep in the car now? "
Or that when she is somewhere new she wont nap.
But my DSis was like this but much worse.
Of course though grandparents like parents want the best for them
Also if they see a kid mastering tech a lot of older people think they are really bright as they dont think they could do what the kids are smile

fishonabicycle Tue 28-Jan-14 11:22:06

My son was the same. Silent when he started nursery. When he settled in he was fine. Also read and wrote like a chimp til he was about 8, but is now doing well at a grammar school.

acm2012 Tue 13-May-14 03:49:50

My son is only just 2 and exactly the same. I think they're more capable than we realise, my son relates and interacts better with his carers than he does with his peers because he doesn't get the reaction or response with children his age, that he does with adults and older children.. response being conversation, full on interaction and play, engaging in group activity and participating in imaginative play. Not just playing. Children around that age don't necessarily "play" together. They play with the same things, next to each other. It's not playing together. Where as, my son enjoys playing WITH other children, often older. I completely understand where you're coming from.
I teach my son very little intentionally, he knows a LOT.
It was recommended by my maternal health nurse to assess further. Not me!
Message me if you like!

EugenesAxe Tue 13-May-14 04:24:19

FWIW my DS was the same. I read all of this thread for once and conclude:

1. I'm pleased to be reminded of the wankbadger thread.
2. You contradict yourself often.

Please re-read my original post.
It does not concern "academic" issues, rather some genuine worries about his social and emotional needs.


What else are we here to discuss????????

If you were genuinely concerned about his social interaction why did you have to raise the G&T theory, or post on this forum? I'm with Juno and others that you seem to be champing at the bit to tell everyone you have a DS that's been assessed as G&T. Your posts don't convey any genuine concern for his social welfare - even your title essentially says 'why is my DS letting me down in public?'

You've had your answer anyway. I'm glad you posted as it's made me look at myself and the way I might project onto my DCs to the future detriment of their potential.

dilys4trevor Tue 03-Jun-14 14:03:25

I have a friend a few years ago who told me that the reason her DD screamed and cried throughout nursery was that she was highly intelligent and perhaps all the children who played happily were just not very bright?

My own son was there at the time and had settled very well.

The rudeness and delusion of this was lost on her.

The OP's post reminded me. Sounds like you have more to go on but the rudeness and blithe assumption that every other child is inferior is the same.

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