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2 1/2 year old, exceptionally bright. Not showing this at nursery.

(120 Posts)
wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:19:40

That's it really. He's a very sociable, confident boy who never stops talking at home. Apparently he hardly speaks at nursery. Is this an indicator of how things will be in years to come? I feel he's slipping into the sidelines/afraid to be his true self.
It's almost as if he's "dumbing down" to fit in with his peers. (there. I said it)
I just want him to be his true self which is witty, extrovert, creative and full of life.
He seems happy to go to nursery.
Any tips on why there seems to be such disparity here?

thejoysofboys Thu 23-Jan-14 11:26:40

My eldest has been described by his pre-school as "a very bright boy" However, he has confidence issues and it took him a LONG time to feel more comfortable at pre school - he started at 3.1yrs & didn't really speak there or interact with the others at first (although he was happy to go). Even now (he's 4.2), although his confidence has improved MASSIVELY and he does play with the others, he's usually on the periphery or playing in a smaller, quiet group.
The new environment is a lot for little ones to take in - he's processing new names and faces, new rules, new sights/sounds/smells, etc. As long as he's happy to go and enjoying it there don't worry about it.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:33:01

Ah, we've done those uni research studies too. Always quite interesting to take part in them I think, just to see what they study and how. My DS is the same age as yours and I think it's natural to worry about how they're doing at preschool, whatever their abilities. My DS won't shut up at preschool and I worry about that as it seems like most of the children are a lot quieter. We live abroad and the focus is very much on social development, it will be five years before they're thinking about academic stuff. I think that's a good approach.

coppertop Thu 23-Jan-14 11:36:14

Even adults act differently in different social settings. You might, for example, talk more to your friends and family than to your work colleagues or your boss.

There's usually a lot going on at nursery. Toys, activities, adults, children. He will be busy learning things like where to go for snack time, how to put his coat on so that he can play outside etc.

At this age, children tend to mainly play alongside each other. It's usually from around 3yrs+ that they become more interested in the other children.

If you are concerned, speak to the nursery staff about what they plan to do (if anything) to encourage him to interact more.

SomewhatSilly Thu 23-Jan-14 11:45:30

People have been prickly because you've been quite rude - especially the comment about 'dumbing down'. You do realise that you are implying the other children are dumb?

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 23-Jan-14 11:50:24

Well however gifted a 2 year old is, I doubt that he is "dumbing down" to fit in.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:53:31

Apologies if anyone felt offended by the term "dumbing down". To my knowledge it's a well known phrase and I have never considered it to be rude.
I was in no way implying that other people's children are dumb.
That would be dumb of me, right? ;-)
Lighten up people!!

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 23-Jan-14 11:54:02

And people are responding because it is IMVHO utterly ludicrous to label a 2 year old as gifted and talented on the basis of speaking a lot.
My ds1 didn't speak until he was 2.7.
He is on the g&t register for all subjects, has been since year 4. I find it irritating and meaningless. It doesn't make him any different, it just means he learns quickly and is predicted some very good GCSE results next year.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:57:29

Oh, I tried to be sympathetic, but actually you're just being rude aren't you?

TunipTheUnconquerable Thu 23-Jan-14 12:00:28

On the subject of 'dumbing down', my dd was an early speaker. (NB I don't believe you can label a child as gifted at 2.5 and I certainly don't think it's good for them to do so.) When she went to nursery where many of the kids weren't talking as much she ended up developing 3 dialects: broad Yorkshire to talk to the nursery staff, RP at home, and babytalk for the other kids. I suppose at some level you might call the babytalk 'dumbing down' but it seemed to me that it probably stretched her mentally more than it would done if she'd been with kids who all talked like her! I really wouldn't worry.

(Plus, the Yorkshire was very cute. Though it did sound a bit like she was taking the piss.)

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 12:02:28

I'm attempting to shed some humour on this thread.
Lead balloon, anyone?


lljkk Thu 23-Jan-14 12:05:28

How long has he been at nursery? If he's still new then it makes sense he may be shy like anyone else. And some kids are shy in school for yrs.

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:08:28

So, hold on.

You think your 2.5yo is G&T. You have had him assessed, but you didn't seek this out, they approached him?

How is this possible?

NakedTigarCub Thu 23-Jan-14 12:16:04

I think you need to homeschool him if you feel preschool is having a negative effect on him but then its up to you if you value his learning over his social skills.

Katnisscupcake Thu 23-Jan-14 12:16:23

This may well be the way he is.

DD is 4.7 and is still very very quiet at school even though they say she is very bright and ahead of nearly all the peers in her class. She actually prefers to play with the older children in other classes.

At home she is very loud and is becoming more so with friends that have known her (out of school) for a long time. She is very observant and could spend a good 9 months watching people before she decides who she wants to be friends with.

Also, she's much better 1-2-1 with friends than in a group...

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 12:22:10

I think a sense of humour will serve you well. I think that is what most people are trying to say. Lots can change over the next few years. It is great that your toddler is showing such potential, but don't get carried away.

VelvetGecko Thu 23-Jan-14 12:23:53

I think you've posted in the wrong section OP. Try development and behaviour.
Fwiw what you're describing is perfectly normal. Of course children are at their most confident and outgoing at home with the people they're comfortable with. And a lot changes between the ages o-f 2-5. I thought ds was a genius at that age, proper conversations by 18 months, 100 piece jigsaws at 24 months etc. Now at 5 he's bright but g & t wouldn't cross my mind. And he's still much more shy around people he doesn't know well, it's just his personality.

bialystockandbloom Thu 23-Jan-14 12:26:18

"dumbing down to fit in with his peers" - wtf?

Anyway. My dd is 90% more chatty, confident, funny etc than she is at nursery. I put this down to shyness. What's your actual concern here?

Out of interest, this assessment he had - was it by an Ed Psych? What did it measure, and how?

Bowlersarm Thu 23-Jan-14 12:32:02

Maybe his nursery just see a typical 2 and a half year old boy.

The behaviour you are seeing as remarkable, well, OP, perhaps it's just normal. wink

If he is gifted/talented/whatever it will soon be picked up.

notso Thu 23-Jan-14 12:35:54

I have read your posts several times and I can't get them to make sense confused
Anyway, I've worked in several nurseries and the majority of parents are surprised at how different their child is at the setting. It isn't dumbing down it is a small child in acting like a small child in a new environment.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 12:39:30

It has been picked up. There is no dispute there....

But what I've perhaps overlooked is the possible fact that this disparity is exactly as others have put it: Normal

So, a) He is exceptionally bright
. b) him being a bit shy at nursery has bugger all to do with this

FoxyHarlow123 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:39:54

Of course you were aware that "dumbing down" was rude, otherwise why did you say forgive me?

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 12:40:17

juno77 if you volunteer to take part in a research study, sometimes you get comparison data for your child. We got something that showed how DS compared to similar age peers in development of each of his languages.

SlightlyTerrified Thu 23-Jan-14 12:43:29

I am a bit confused, I don't understand what 99th percentile means in this assessment, what did is measure? reading, maths? I think if you had explained the assessment and what makes him exceptionally bright then I think you would have got a better response on here.

DS1 spoke really well from about 17 months (proper sentences etc) but when he started pre-school at just turned 2 he didn't speak there at all. It is completely normal IMO as they become a bit more shy and nervous as there are lots of people around rather than just being amongst 1 or 2 adults. DS2 was not advanced with his speaking but was a lot more confident speaking to others at a young age as he socialised more with lots of children due to DS1.

FWIW DS1 (now 7) is G&T for all subjects and has been recognised as such since about 2/3 YO as he had a SENCO from Early Years work with him/pre-school practitioners at preschool (very laid back nothing major), he is chatty and confident when he feels comfortable but generally quieter in a group. He is happy to speak to the class when required and can be outgoing but is not loud IYSWIM. Talking well doesn't necessarily mean anything IMO as the others have said.

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:44:11

wedont I honestly think you'll look back on this thread in years to come and just cringe.

He is two years old!

Children develop at different rates.

The ones that walk first aren't necessarily going to be the sporty ones.
The ones that talk first aren't necessarily going to be the intelligent ones.
The ones that read aren't necessarily going to be the academic ones.

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 23-Jan-14 12:47:17

Ok exceptionally bright for a 2 year old means very little.

I'm sorry but that's true.
One of my DCs was an "exceptionally bright" 2 year old, by the time they were in year 1 they were still top half of the class but not fantastically so.

I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that all DCs mature and learn at different rates. That's why labeling a 2 year old or a 4 year old as g&t is ridiculous.
9, 10, 11, fair enough. But my ds1 wasn't an exceptional 2 year old or 3 year old or 5 year old. Because he matured at a different rate as other 3 year olds.

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