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2 1/2 year old, exceptionally bright. Not showing this at nursery.

(120 Posts)
wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:19:40

That's it really. He's a very sociable, confident boy who never stops talking at home. Apparently he hardly speaks at nursery. Is this an indicator of how things will be in years to come? I feel he's slipping into the sidelines/afraid to be his true self.
It's almost as if he's "dumbing down" to fit in with his peers. (there. I said it)
I just want him to be his true self which is witty, extrovert, creative and full of life.
He seems happy to go to nursery.
Any tips on why there seems to be such disparity here?

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Jan-14 10:24:34

I don't know anything about G&T, really, but just wanted to say that my DC1 was (is!) very articulate, bright, creative, sociable etc. - a real extrovert, in fact. But when first at nursery at 2.9 spent a lot of time playing alone, not talking a whole lot etc. Happy enough, sure, but not the person we saw at home. But to be honest I think this is to be expected, and is just an age thing.

How long has your DS been at nursery for? And is it a largeish setting or a smaller one? Is he happy himself - does he tell you he had a good time?

blueberryupsidedown Thu 23-Jan-14 10:30:13

Where to start.... First of all, lots of speech in a 2.5 year old is just that, lots of speech. Many, many children who don't speak much, or indeed don't speak at all, are very bright.

At home, he probably gets all your attention, and (forgive me) admiration. At nursery, he is one of many, and could probably have some issues with social skills. He won't get encouragement with every word he says, or everything he does.

I am sure you know, there are more than one form of intelligence, as we see it in adults (think super clever computer programmer) who are super bright but have problems with social skills, have few friends, feel uncomfortable in social situations. Children experience similar situations/feelings, even at a young age. This is why most nurseries focus on learning through play, focus on social skills, making friends, playing together, etc.

By the way, my son didn't say a word before he was three years old and now at 6, he is on the G&T list for maths and the school is considering also putting him on the G&T list for reading/spelling. He is in year 2 and goes to year 5 for maths and can easily keep up with the children there.

CharlesRyder Thu 23-Jan-14 10:30:28

At 2.5 he doesn't have enough theory of mind to assess his peers ability and adapt his behaviour to follow suit.

Sounds to me like he is shy. My DS only spoke freely to me and DH for ages. He is over that now at 3.5 but still only we see the 'real' him at his most relaxed and confident. It is completely normal.

JassyRadlett Thu 23-Jan-14 10:31:58

How old are the other children on his room at nursery? How long has he been going?

MightBeMad Thu 23-Jan-14 10:37:40

Sounds totally normal to me! Most of the other children at nursery are probably also much more confident and articulate at home too.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:40:57

He sounds like he's shy, like lots of children his age. Is there anything specific that makes you think there's more to it than that?

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:51:18

Thanks for your replies. Perhaps he is at heart, a bit of a self conscious little chap.
He certainly has no impairments from the asd triad and has never given me any indication of aspie traits so I have no concerns there

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:57:14

Maybe I'm worrying about nothing. I just wondered if this is typical for kids with high learning potential? He has been assessed as being 99th percentile pretty much across the board

MirandaWest Thu 23-Jan-14 11:03:25

I'd say he is probably getting used to a new environment.

When you say he has been assessed as being 99th percentile what exactly do you mean?

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Jan-14 11:08:14

Why did you get him assessed?

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:10:03

To see where his strengths and difficulties are. He was invited to take part in a research study....

Wolfiefan Thu 23-Jan-14 11:11:30

And how on earth do you accurately assess a 2 1/2 year old?

procrastinatingagain Thu 23-Jan-14 11:13:25

Haha! Good one OP! grin

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:15:07

With norm-referenced tests... it can give an indicative score.
But, I think we're getting away from the original question here.
This is a forum entitled "Gifted and talented", right? Or not?

Slebmum Thu 23-Jan-14 11:15:26

I don't think you can know if a 2.5yo is 'exceptionally bright'. Not having a go, just wondering what makes you think that as talking lots wouldn't necessarily indicate brightness?

Notaddictedtosugar Thu 23-Jan-14 11:16:04

He sounds like a normal little boy. I'd stop worrying and let him be. As far as I am aware all 2 year olds have high learning potential don't they?

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Jan-14 11:17:27

Yes, it is titled Gifted & Talented. I think, though, that at 2.5, no matter where you scored on an assessment, you will still find transitions to new environments hard, and so that's why you see a difference in his behaviour. I wouldn't worry about it, really, whether he turns out to be G&T or not.

PatriciaHolm Thu 23-Jan-14 11:18:24

An awful lot of children, bright or not, display very different behaviours at nursery/school to those demonstrated at home. It's normal, and way too early to make an assessment that he is "dumbing down". He's entirely comfortable with you, but isn't in the same emotional place in nursery so it's understandable that he behaves differently. Let him find his feet, especially as he is happy to go.

picklesrule Thu 23-Jan-14 11:19:04

He is 2.5!! Are you for real? My 22 month old talks constantly, full sentences etc..some children just do.. I can't understand why you would seek to label him anything at this stage? Or do you just want other people to also recognise his brilliance confused

IHaveSeenMyHat Thu 23-Jan-14 11:21:26

Doesn't sound like anything to worry about. He's chatty and confident at home, but less so in an environment in which he feels less comfortable. Yes, a bit shy.

I would expect that in any child, G&T or not.

I wouldn't start panicking about whether nursery is stunting his exceptional intellect. He's a toddler. You have plenty of time to worry about his intellectual growth later.

Morgause Thu 23-Jan-14 11:24:36

DS1 and DS2 were both bright toddlers and are now adults working in academic careers.

DS1 settled into nursery with enthusiasm and galloped along but DS2 was withdrawn at first and not so confident. He sorted himself out by the time he started school, though.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:24:38

Haha, this subject has really generated some emotive responses.
I should not have to justify myself but for what it's worth I have never sat down with my child and attempted to "teach" him anything. Absolutely zilch....
He has brought the attention on himself. From professionals.
Please hear the full story before you jump to conclusions and judge.
Thank you Patricia for a reply that actual helps me rather than pointing fingers...

MirandaWest Thu 23-Jan-14 11:25:16

Why did you have the assessment done in the first place?

I would really try not to worry - give him a bit of time to feel more comfortable at nursery. I really doubt he is dumbing down to peer pressure.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:26:24

And other replies, thank you for sharing your experiences.

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