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why do schools compare siblings?

(10 Posts)
workshy Wed 07-Sep-11 23:23:48

my daughter's school is normally very good, my oldest is just going into year 5 and my youngest into year 3

my youngest's new teacher greeted her today with 'oh you're K's sister! Are you going to work as hard and be as clever as her?'


she is every bit as clever as the oldest but a very different personality and where as my oldest is very competative and wants to be the best at everything, the youngest just wants to fit in and be like everyone else -and this was said in front of the entire class!

in the past she has deliberately got things wrong, messed up work etc because she didn't want to stick out -I can feel a trip to school coming on

iggly2 Wed 07-Sep-11 23:28:46

Understand your fustration (one of three siblings each very different). I would think seriously about the school.

DaphneHeartsFred Wed 07-Sep-11 23:33:39

Please take this seriously and speak to the school. That might sound OTT, but believe me a large portion of my life was fucked up because I rebelled against being the "Little Sister". I never achieved any of my potential.


workshy Wed 07-Sep-11 23:37:36

it's a teacher that is new to the school, previously they have been excellent so hopefully just a blip

I will have a word though -I was also the little sister and it's not nice -I was upset on her behalf today

Jesusgirl Thu 08-Sep-11 08:46:09

I think the teacher probably was trying to make conversation and doesn't mean any harm. Unfortunately comments like this are directed too often at a younger sibling. As the last child in a family of 4, I heard this a lot growing up- for different things not just being smart. It came not only from teachers but from family, church groups!

Funny enough because I sing, you hear people pulling my 2 year old dd's cheeks commenting on how cute she is and asking her "are u going to be a singer like your mum - or play the piano like your brother"!!!

I find it hilarious. But my point it, speak to the teacher if you think it'll affect your dd but please don't be upset about it, its probably not going to be the last time you'd hear it! That's the curse of a younger sibling to a gifted older sibling. Sigh....

newtermnewname Thu 08-Sep-11 14:54:07

workshy Do you think that, maybe, you are over-thinking it a little? Was probably said to appear friendly and bearing no ill-will.

Much better than to hear "oh you're K's sister! Are you going to piss around and be as thick as two short planks like her?"

workshy Thu 08-Sep-11 20:48:28

lol,I knowit'snot a terrible thing to be compared to but I don't want to set her upfor a fall

she doesn't like being singled out in class and can get upset by it

I don't want her to think her best isn't good enough if she doesn't score as highly as her sister in various assesments

meditrina Thu 08-Sep-11 20:57:50

Saying something like that in front if the child is just dreadful.

If it was in a parent teacher meeting, and you were using the other child as a point of reference it could be handy (talking about DD in terms of possible dyslexia with reference to dyslexic DS2 with a teacher who had both of them was very helpful to me).

But it's simply not fair to the child for her to hear it, especially in terms of stereotyped expectations.

startail Thu 08-Sep-11 21:44:42

One her first day of senior school the teacher saw my younger sister surname and said "Oh no, there aren't any more of you, are there?"
My sister is my opposite in looks and temperament. She was quiet, obedient and averagely intelligent. Where as I am very academic, but eccentric, loud, cheeky and very opinionated.

inmysparetime Mon 12-Sep-11 07:33:08

I was the older sister in that situation, it's not great from that side either. My sister is very different from me, and because of the constant comparisons she focused on any personality trait that would make her more unlike me, to the extent that we barely even talk as adults. We don't even argue.
My 2 DC go to different primary schools, Initially due to school place availability, but when places came up in same schools DC didn't want to move, and I don't blame them. Their separate schools suit them very well, and they have their separate friendship groups, no sibling comparisons, and they play together nicely (mostly) at home.

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