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Advice please.....

(73 Posts)
Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 19:52:41

Just picked daughter up from nursery (she'll be 3 in november), and they want me to get he 'health visitor' involved because she isn't interacting with the other children!!!

I'll obvioulsy contact the Health Visitor, but wondered if anyone could give me any advice too!!!

My Daughter is a happy little girl at home, talks non-stop, plays happily etc. She is the only child in the family (and extended family), and only wants to be with adults.

She knows other little children, that she has known since she has been born, and I have always been socialable with her - but she has never shown any interest in other children!!!

Now the Nursery are thinking it's an issue - any advice please?!?!

ellie02 Fri 02-Sep-11 19:57:30

I would just contact health visitor as advised by the nursery.

Sorry not very helpful, but why have you posted this in gifted and talented?

lovecheese Fri 02-Sep-11 19:58:57

Wondering that too ellie.

hocuspontas Fri 02-Sep-11 19:59:50

Do you want to move this to pre-school education or somewhere where there will be more replies?

belledechocchipcookie Fri 02-Sep-11 20:01:55

Speak to the health visitor. If she has no contact with other children then she's going to find it difficult to interact with them. Take her to playgroups etc.

iggly2 Fri 02-Sep-11 20:49:26

My Ds was a bit like that and so were some others at nursery that were only children, most settled in over time. Talk to the health visitor if you are worried.

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 21:22:28

Sorry - I think she may be a gifted child, hence i've posted here.

I take her to numerous toddler groups, but she doesn't enjoy them.
She just wants adult company, and conversation!!!

I was wondering if other gifted children are similar, or if they interact as normal with other children their own age.

I will call the HV on Monday anyway.

carpwidow Fri 02-Sep-11 21:25:17

What has led you to believe she is gifted Tw1nkle?

carpwidow Fri 02-Sep-11 21:28:25

"My Daughter is a happy little girl at home, talks non-stop, plays happily etc. She is the only child in the family (and extended family), and only wants to be with adults."

Sorry OP, but the last part of this statement concerns me slightly. How can a 2 year old possibly know that she "only wants to be with adults". Can you explain a little bit more please?

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 21:43:14

She seems happier in Adult company - she'll talk to adults, but not to children (She's talking better than all her friends).

From the moment she could sit up and see the world, she has 'watched' everything - she takes everything in, remembers tiny details, and just seems really advanced mentally (not academically though).

She's clearly 'different' from other children and it's starting to become much more obvious now.

I don't know if she is gifted, or maybe just highly senstive, but I'm struggling to get any support or advice from anywhere.....

carpwidow Fri 02-Sep-11 21:47:27

Has she ever played with older children Tw1nkle? Her speech may be more advanced than that of her peers and that would be frustrating for her if their play did not stimulate her and they were not as advanced developmentally. Perhaps she could go to a playgroup where there are 4/5 year olds to play with?

belledechocchipcookie Fri 02-Sep-11 21:49:43

To be honest, I would forget about the possibility of her being gifted and work on her social skills. This is advice that I wish someone had given to me. Speak to your health visitor. A lot of children struggle with interactions, some pick up social skills through osmosis and some need support, it sounds like your child needs support. Playing and interacting with other children is as important as learning to read, I really would focus on this as it gets a lot harder to support them as they get older.

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 21:50:34

The next 'room' at her nursery has the older children in, but they are reluctant to move her because of 'lack of interaction'. I'm going to suggect that they move her and see if she changes - I'm pretty sure she will!

madwomanintheattic Fri 02-Sep-11 21:51:47

it's quite normal for single children who have not been used to their peer group to prefer adult interaction. particularly if the adult, is interested, and entirely there to provide for the child. nursery takes a bit of getting used to if you've had 1-1 adult support your whole life. smile

curious why you think she's gifted - if it's just preferring adult interaction i would say it's a normal stage and she needs to learn how to play alongside her peers. are nursery suggesting she is too clingy/ needy and demanding of adult interaction/ support? (again, normal if you've had 1-1 adult support your whole life)

as far as how 'gifted' child interact with their peers, well, obvious, academic inteeligence isn't always directed linked to your social skills wink so that's a bit of a misnomer.

ds1 was always fine with his peer group. he plays happily with them. the intellect side was only really seen in the class room, where he and his yr r teachers would have private little jokes above the heads of the other kids (weird) or he'd just get differentiated work.

dd2 does prefer to play with slightly older children. we actually asked nursery to change around her 1-1 support as she was referring to going to nursery as going to play with (the 1-1) rather than her peer group. i want her to be independent, not to be reliant on an adult the whole time. (fwiw she has cp, which does mean she has some other difficulties that can impact on her social skills - she has dysarthric speech and some obvious mobility differences). none of it is because she's clever though. she just had a lot of adult support from very tiny due to her disability, and i was anxious to break that habit. she needs to learn how to get along wioth her peer group, whether she's clever or not.

you do hear of isolated cases of near-genius children who do suffer from serious and debilitating social difficulties (and whether there may or may not be associated asd issues) but for your average 'gifted' kids, there is no reason why they shouldn't be playing with their peer group and excelling in the classroom. they can read war and peace and still play in the wendy house with their friends. not mutually exclusive.

i'm interested why the hv though? unless they do suspect asd or similar. it won't just be because she's clever...

as she isn't yet three, i wouldn't worry unduly. just get out to as many mums and tots groups as you can, and leave her to play alongside/ with her peers. at this age, if nursery are noticing she is noticeably behind in her social skills compared to her peers, it is probably worth concentrating on that for a while. make independence a goal, rather than reading or whatever.

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 21:52:45

thank you belledechocchipcookie - I do totally agree.

I don't push the education side of things at all, but I'm out of ideas now of how to get her to interact with children.

I take her to so many clubs, groups etc, but she isn't 'required' to join in at any of them.

belledechocchipcookie Fri 02-Sep-11 21:53:04

She needs to stay with her age group Tw1nkle, she'll find school really difficult if she doesn't.

belledechocchipcookie Fri 02-Sep-11 21:55:38

She needs encouragement. Some kids find it really difficult. The nursery have picked up a problem and they should work with you to support her. At her age they tend to play alone anyway, just side by side. Some will play with others but not many.

madwomanintheattic Fri 02-Sep-11 21:55:44

x-post. i'm not sure i would ask them to move her up. she will move up at the right time - i would have thought that if the problem was she was more advanced speech wise etc that she would have taken over the role of 'mother' and be organising the games/ being bossy etc? (that's what happened with dd1 anyway - apols, didn't mention her earlier grin)

but like i said, all clever kids are individuals. and some have some social skills delays. some don't.

madwomanintheattic Fri 02-Sep-11 21:56:46

she doesn't need formal groups - she needs time to play with her peers. mums and tots fighting over the play kitchen, not anything structured...

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 21:58:17

thanks too madwomanintheattic !!!

That's really reassuring!!

She's been at nursery since she turned one, 3 days a week, and still crys every morning that I drop her off. Every week we go to at least 2 toddler groups - so that's 3 full days at nursey, and two mornings a week surrounded by kiddies - but she still attaches herself to the adult that is looking after her.

When i go to the groups she will just sit next to me, listening to my conversation!!!! I've tried to play with some of the games with her, get her talking to others, then leave her to it, but she still follows me back to my seat!!!

A few of the other parents are beginning to make comments, but I refuse to stop taking her just because of them! It's getting hard though!!!

madwomanintheattic Fri 02-Sep-11 21:59:02

belle, that's what i'm curious about - at 2, kids really haven't grasped the idea of playing with each other or complicated games. but she is obviously noticeably different to her peers socially... so is it that she is more needy/ requiring adult attention, rather than interaction with peer group per se?

totally agree she needs to be with her peer group though.

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 22:07:05

She loves playing board games at home - Snakles and ladders is her favourite, along with 'Ker-Plunk'!!!

She plays i-spy all the time too - she understands taking turns etc.

Just only with adults!!!

Thank you for all the advice/comments. I think I'll not worry about it too much for another few months anyway!!! I'll wait and see what the HV says too.

I just hope she starts to 'fit-in' alittle better soon!!!

MollieO Fri 02-Sep-11 22:10:10

She sounds very shy and maybe insecure so maybe chooses to stay with you or another equivalent parent figure. Probably has nothing to do with intellect. Ds spoke well at a very young age and is still noticeably more articulate than his peers. He stood out because of how he interacted with adults and probably prefers them to children. However I think a big part of that is he is an only child so spends more time in the company of adults than children so that is his norm. I would carry on with playgroups but be prepared for it to take time to develop socialising with other children. Ds only really got it when he started school despite being at a CMs and nursery from 10 months.

carpwidow Fri 02-Sep-11 22:12:21

I'm curious too - what sort of comments are the other parents making?

Tw1nkle Fri 02-Sep-11 22:14:05

Thanks MollieO - that's good to hear!

Other parents are commenting that she seems sad all the time! They seem to feel sorry for her!

They should see her at home though!!!

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