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no help for clever chap

(19 Posts)
jojo1066 Mon 22-Nov-10 23:57:25

my son has just turned 3 he has the reading age of 8 and the maths ability to match he is not autistic and therefore will receive any special support from the school.............why?? he is as`special needs as a child that is slow to learn or is retarded, my boy is interested in words,letters, numbers and the written language, and that is what he does.... he isn't however interested in feeding himself or going to the toilet its not that he can't he just chooses not to or chooses to depending on his level of interest in what hes doing.he will not mix with kids of his own age but that he tells me his is choice, sometimes he will but they bore him and he cannot understand dressing up games....i want support for my son on both levels i feel he is special needs his cognitive development is supperior and needs supporting and the ability and teaching to allow it to continue to grow but his emotional sides needs nurturing he is only 3 why can the slow kids get tailored support but my son can't

DuelingFanjo Mon 22-Nov-10 23:58:55

retarded?

llareggub Tue 23-Nov-10 00:04:26

Maybe when he is old enough to start school he will get support. He is still very young.

Perhaps you could have a think about his social needs right now, and help him interact with others with out letting them see that they bore him? Everyone needs social skills.

You'll get a flaming for using the word retarded here, I think.

jojo1066 Tue 23-Nov-10 00:06:21

sorry is that not a correct word it use to be im not using it to insult anyone just trying to find the correct word to discribe children with a lower ability to learn...what would that word be?

TheFallenMadonna Tue 23-Nov-10 00:07:23

Is he at some kind of school? If he is really 5 years ahead of his peers there will be some special provision for him, I'm sure.

TheFallenMadonna Tue 23-Nov-10 00:07:56

Learning difficulty or SEN.

jojo1066 Tue 23-Nov-10 00:18:52

sorry not really up on the lingo i should use, i was using a noun but did not realise the conitations of the meaning in todays society blush

jojo1066 Tue 23-Nov-10 00:22:28

he is at nursery linked to a school and the school arranged for the initial tests to be done. due to the fact he is 3 there is nothing but even at this level he is suffering

thelibster Tue 23-Nov-10 01:14:01

jojo1066 I'm sorry for you, really. Been there, done that, bought and worn out the t-shirt. Have to agree with llarggub. You need to be concentrating on developing his social skills before he goes to "big school*. Won't matter much in a reception class if he can read Tolstoy, if the teacher's always waiting for him after PE when everyone else is dressed and ready to go back to the classroom, he won't be popular with him/her. If he won't engage with his classmates, he won't be popular with them either. You say he won't go to the toilet if he's too engaged in his activity, do you have many accidents or is he still in nappies? Because if either is the case, that will have to be sorted too, for his sake. Teachers haven't the time to be constantly dealing with accidents and kids can be very cruel you know. As I said, I have been through this and an isolated child is not happy for long. Best of luck.

cubscout Tue 23-Nov-10 07:35:55

I also agree wholeheartedly with thelibster and llagrub. Early years education is about much more than academic skills: it's about learning routines, learning to fit in, socialise and so on.

If your ds continues to be so far ahead of his peers then I am sure he will get some special attention. But that might not be in Reception or Year 1. You will need to learn to work with the scool and the teachers.

My ds was very similar on starting school. I did spend the first few terms feeling very frustrated that they weren't giving him additional work. But eventually, the school recognised what they needed to do and from Year 2 onwards he had an IEP. This doesn't mean loads of additional support, but it does mean more tailored class work and he is taken out of class both individually and with a group of other bright children. He loves school and despite managing GCSE level maths (he is just 9) is generally a happy chap...with friends...

Up to a point you need to come to terms with the fact that state schools will always prioritise children that need more support. That doesn't mean your ds will loose out. You obviously care a great deal and parentla interest in education has been shown to be more than 6 times as important than what happens in school.

Help him make friends, learn the skills he will need to start school, and do lots of interesting stuff outside. His talents will be recognised eventually.

cubscout Tue 23-Nov-10 07:36:59

Too early in the morning! Parental interest 6 times more important!

triballeader Tue 23-Nov-10 07:54:31

Has he been formally assessed by a CDC for ASD or other issues to do with self care/imaginative play?

Only asking because oh yes you CAN have a child with superior intellectuial ability,poor self care,impoverished imaginative play skills and ASD's.

jojo1066 Tue 23-Nov-10 14:59:06

he can do it he can feed himself and he can dress himself he just chooses not to which is what im saying his needs are not being met i don't necessarily want more work for him i need support in pulling all his bits together his behaviour is at times very difficult and apart from a reading test and the ruling out of autism i have had nothing he is in pants and for the first 6 months or so he was dry as a bone, his teacher has said he will stand in front of them and say he doesn't need a wee but will wet himself in front of them whilst waiting for them to react, i have tried to talk to him about it but he looks as if i have 3 heads some days hes fine other days hes looking for reactions from others (i am with him all the time i never go out he has never been left with anyone other than his pre school and now nursery we do everyting together) so it not as if hes desperate for attension he just likes creating reactions away from home as if to amuse himself but hes is only 3 so is that just an adult mind trying to make sen se of it all???? i just don't know what to do my other 3 boys were a piece of cake nice n easy confused

jojo1066 Tue 23-Nov-10 15:00:54

what is a cdc and asd

llareggub Tue 23-Nov-10 15:34:24

My DS has just turned 4 and I have another of 19 months or so. From what you've said, socially he sounds just like all of the other pre-school boys I know. Really, I wouldn't worry yet. He may be advanced in some areas but he sounds fairly typical in others.

Bramshott Tue 23-Nov-10 15:56:25

If he has just turned 3 he is still a baby in so many ways! I really wouldn't worry about having accidents or needing help with feeding - just gently encourage him in what you want him to do. I'm sure he's not the only 3 year old who's not interested in playing with other children either. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like he needs extra help, just time to grow up.

How many days per week is he in the school nursery? Is it possible that it's too much for him?

jojo1066 Tue 23-Nov-10 22:14:35

he is a baby thanks you have made me feel better he was 3 in august so he is one of the youngest there he does love nursery......... i think im going to chill and go with the flow i will concentrate on him helping himself to do dressing, feeding etc thanks for your help every one

triballeader Wed 24-Nov-10 22:17:44

ASD= autistic spectrum disorder

CDC =child development centre.

Have you tried speaking with the health visitor about his developmental quirks? I suggest this because

interested in words,letters, numbers and the written language,

isn't interested in feeding himself or going to the toilet its not that he can't he just chooses not to or chooses to depending on his level of interest in what hes doing.

he will not mix with kids of his own age but that he tells me his is choice, sometimes he will but they bore him and

he cannot understand dressing up games....

You have just described my son at three. I hope its just a quirk but it might be a good idea to chat with a HV.

PaintingRainbows Thu 25-Nov-10 07:28:27

triballeader, just what I was thinking too.

My dd was assessed at 3.1 years at nursery with reading age of 7.9 and had similar maths ability. Everyone kept saying gifted but I had a sense something else wasn't quite as it should be. She is the youngest in her year now she's at school but is considered to be 'freaky bright' as she's years ahead of peers. She was also diagnosed with asperger's this year (age 6).... She's still absolutely lovely but I think this is what's referred to on here as 'twice exceptional'. She struggles with the social side unless its 1:1 with other children and she can lead the games. She's definitely 'quirky'.

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