Do I get her a tutor or is it a mistake?

[emy72]

Hi,

I posted on here about my DD1 before and I am now seriously considering a tutor. This is so that I am taking things into my own hands as I am not sure that school will do anything from what I've gathered so far.

I don't know whether my DD1 is gifted or talented tbh, all I know is that I know and the teachers know that she is way ahead of what's been taught at school and that she picks/devours things very quickly.

In reception I was concerned but everyone kept telling me "it's only reception etc" so I was hoping that in Y1 things would improve.. until I went to the teacher asking about what was going to happen generally with the class (and with my DD1) and the gist was that their last teacher did not cover all of the EYFS last year, and therefore a lot of catching up needs to happen this term. And they won't start the National Curriculum until AT LEAST next term..

The teacher suggested that if I want to see my DD1 progress beyond the EYFS this term I do extension activities/teaching myself as there is no bandwith to do it in the class. To be fair I was given loads of suggestions but my heart sank as I just do not have the time required to do it..

So now what do I do?

She got 9s in all areas in her EYFS report,(so clearly she is ready to go ahead with something else!) but I wasn't elated by that result because very little of her 9s had been taught at school, for example I know that numbers were only done up to 10 and they didn't even start on phonics until Jan and sending reading books home in Spring.

And even then there is a huge disconnect between what she is reading at school/at home, and they know it, but they are of the school of thought of sending one book a week and painfully going through every book in the reading scheme....

She loves school but started to say that the numeracy lessons in particular are "easy". I do read at home every night with her, and she wants to do other stuff on top, but with 4 children under 6 I am not able to devote the time she wants/needs from me. I find that reading is the easiest (and most enjoyable) part to do, it's all the rest that I am worried about tbh and how things will look further down the line.

I am therefore thinking of getting a tutor for her once a week, who will at least progress her a little in each area of learning and give her some stimulus/way to progress at school too. Do you think this might work?

I am unsure if this is the right thing to do, because I have previously fought the impulse to tutor her at home, as she is so young and I firmly believe she should be coming home to relax and have a play at this age. But I am not sure what else to do???

I thought about home educating her but she would hate it, as she loves the social side of school. Plus I am trying to keep a career alive....

School are not in the slightest concerned about her as she is happy, sociable and disciplined and so does not present a problem. The teacher kept telling me "but she is so happy and settled and we do keep her busy, so don't worry about it".

Which is great, but kind of a different issue altogether.....what would you do in my situation? Thanks for making it this far!!!

[cory]

I would start with Pixie's suggestion. If I felt she needed something more out of school hours for her personal development, I would not engage a tutor to do more of the same, but would look into broadening her horizons, e.g. by getting her to take up an instrument, or joining a drama club, or something like nature watching. And simply provide lots of interesting books. And a library card.

[BongoWinslow]

I think Cory's approach is very sensible.

[emy72]

Pixie/Cory, yes she does lots of extra curricular stuff (too much actually); she is bilingual and we spend a lot of time abroad, she does ballet/tap/modern/musical theatre and the odd bit of horseriding.

She has just started at an athletics club and film club with school/although she is not keen on films so I am not sure she will continue with that one!

I am forever trying to limit the amount of stuff she wants to do and that's another issue that I have to/need to manage, in order to give her a good balance.

I think though that this is part of her being not so stimulated at school (or maybe it's me reading too much into it) that she is so desperate to do stuff beyond her school hours.

You'd think a child that age who has been stimulated all day would be just keen to relax in front of the TV by 4pm...or maybe not! You can tell this is my first child...I don't know what I am talking about :o(

[cory]

If she happily grabs at all the wonderful extra-curricular activities you offer, I don't think it follows that she is bored and understimulated at school. It might just be that she has great capacity and appreciates her opportunities.

[magicmummy1]

I'm pretty sure that my dd is happy and stimulated at school, but she still wants to do loads of stuff outside school, and like you, I have to limit it. I don't read anything into this - she just has lots of energy and is a "joiner in" by nature.

I agree that you should focus on stretching her in other ways outside the classroom, and ask the school to ensure that she is appropriately stimulated while she is there. I really think they have a responsibility to meet the needs of every child, and it's a cop-out to tell you to educate her at home outside school hours.

[emy72]

Thanks, I feel like I have a good baseline now. I will hold off the tutor and will instead go and speak to the school again in a couple of weeks. Then they can't say "it's only just the first/second/third week of term!".

[emy72]

Hi all,

in case you were interested in an update!

My DH went in to talk to the teacher and the upshot was that they are still assessing the kids and to go back in a couple of weeks to see what their findings are. I find it a little shocking that it will taken a whole 5/6 weeks to assess the children but that's a different story!

In the meantime I find out from a few parents that the brighter girls have been buddied wih some of the boys (and my DD confirmed this) who are very behind so they are spending two "study sessions" a day helping them to progress.

Although I think this is a fab idea for the boys and to a certain extent for the brighter girls, I would have liked to see some initiative going on for the brighter kids too.

My DD was listened to read once by the teacher in 4 weeks and her 2 books changed once. My DH raised this and the teacher said to keep reading with her at home.

MY DH is going back in 2 weeks time but tbh I have very little confidence. Every week that goes by and I feel sorry for my DD1 who continues to just want to do stuff at home and is desperate for learning.

Yesterday she pulled a sicky from school (I had to go and collect her with a phantom tummy ache) and she's been crying for the last week saying she doesn't want to go. This is very unlike her!

I think tbh that she is just starting to feel a bit demotivated.

[sarahfreck]

Hi there. I thought you might like the pov of a tutor. My response to whether you should get her a tutor is - maybe! (Though of course you might have expected me not to say no!)
I teach students at a variety of ages and stages and the youngest I have ever taught has been Year 1. I would say that if you did go down the tutor route you should try and choose one that has experience of working with young children and can teach creatively using games and play as well as more formally.

Advantages could be that:
a) You get an independent view of your DD's abilities and more of an idea about how far she might be ahead of her peers.
b) You get more evidence/support for asking school to provide a more differentiated curriculum.
c)A good tutor should give you and your husband ideas of other things you could do with your DD at home
d) ..and of course your DD gets some structured teaching that may be more suitable for her abilities.

Disadvantages/caveats
a) Mentioning the tutor to school could give you a reputation as a pushy parent (Do you care? As one parent said to me..."I'm not there to make friends!")
b) The cost (obviously)
c) Your DD could maybe start to feel pushed or only valued for her abilities(shouldn't happen with careful handling)
d) You mention that you (understandably)don't have a lot of time with so many little ones. While tutoring may help your DD academically, it won't ease her need for your attention.

With regard to your DD's recent upsets about school, this may be about being demotivated, but there is also the possibility that your daughter has sensed some of your and your DH's unease and is reacting to this. DCs are very good at picking up on parents' feelings even if you have not discussed it in front of them!