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In general do parents find that their bright children find it difficult to settle in once they start school?

(57 Posts)
Again Fri 17-Sep-10 10:45:39

When people come across a child who is academically advanced before starting school they frequently remark that they will have problems adjusting to school because they will know everything already. In your experience is this actually true?

Hullygully Fri 17-Sep-10 10:46:12

Praise be.

abr1de Fri 17-Sep-10 10:48:11

Wasn't with my daughter. She was given more demanding tasks and always loved school.

seeker Fri 17-Sep-10 10:49:25

No. However the parents of bright children seem quite often to have problems with their child settling in to school!

clemetteattlee Fri 17-Sep-10 10:50:33

My bright child has found it hard because she has realised that there are other children who know more about other stuff than her. And sometimes, no matter how much she knows/can do, she simply makes mistakes.

Conversely, she adores the fact that every day she learns something new. Yesterday it was the fact that Katie Morag's real island is called Col. Who knew?

No child "knows everything" they are going to be taught at school.

Again Fri 17-Sep-10 10:50:42

How so seeker?

clemetteattlee Fri 17-Sep-10 10:52:50

Again, not speaking for seeker, but it was a bit of a shock to me to find that DD is not actually that exceptional. I was deluded in my little bubble that no other child could possibly be as advanced and overly concerned that the teachers wouldn't recognise her abilities. In fact there are a few of them working at her level and the teacher is super savvy.

MollieO Fri 17-Sep-10 10:54:45

I remember when ds started school. At nursery he was always described as being exceptionally bright. In reception they made no comment on his 'brightness'. In yr 1 his teacher described him as 'average' although did say at every parent's evening that she had never taught a child like ds (she was an experienced teacher). Other parents make comments to me about how bright ds is but weirdly the teachers never do. grin

seeker Fri 17-Sep-10 10:57:47

Because parents often assume that the fact that their child is academically advanced means thayt they will not be able to relate to other children, that they will be bored, that schools are incapable of giving differentiate work, that the play based learning and socialization which is such a big part of the Early Years will not be relevant or useful to their child because they are already reading.

In my experience, also, the parents of bright children sometimes "define" their child by their brightness. "Jimmy won't sit on the carpet with the others because he's bored and wants to get on with some work", when Jimmy is a 5 year old fidget-bum who needs to learn to sit still and take turns like all the other 5 year old fidget-bums.

Again Fri 17-Sep-10 11:00:40

This is my gut feeling too. One set of parents I spoke said that a local teacher had told them to stop teaching their child about numbers because they would be too advanced for school.

While we've struggled with the fact that ds is an early learner (always believing that if children were left to their own devices 7 was a good age to introduce reading!!) and have now come to terms with it, we never say 'good' or 'how clever' because I figure most of this evens out and I'd hate to think that a child pinned their whole identity on being bright. There will always be people who know more than them.

memoo Fri 17-Sep-10 11:01:16

I have to say that from my experience of working in a reception class I totally agree with Seeker

QS Fri 17-Sep-10 11:03:39

Yes, especially if their mathematical cleverness is proportional with their social ineptness. I mean, what football loving group of boys would be impressed by my violin playing boy who has great fun with negative numbers for amusement. It just isnt cool.

seeker Fri 17-Sep-10 11:05:13

"One set of parents I spoke said that a local teacher had told them to stop teaching their child about numbers because they would be too advanced for school." I am absolutely sure this sort of thing is an urban myth. I have never met anyone it has actually been said to - only people who know someone it has been said to!

Again Fri 17-Sep-10 11:11:57

Maybe so seeker or maybe the teacher said it in a jokey way or to boost the parents.

I think, with all respect, that social ineptness can be present in non-gifted children and that that is really what causes problems, not how bright they are.

QS Fri 17-Sep-10 11:14:19

Again, was your second paragraph the answer to the question in your op?

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 17-Sep-10 11:15:05

Message withdrawn

Again Fri 17-Sep-10 11:21:55

I'm interested in people's opinions QS and maybe it's more my hope than anything else. When I think about it, I was of average intelligience, but found it difficult to mix so it's not that they go hand in hand. But then maybe your experience is different and I'm way off the mark.

Yum to sugar paper. I used to colour my nails with the crayons, so would probably have eaten my artwork if it was on sugar paper.

QS Fri 17-Sep-10 11:26:02

In my sons case, he is a bit socially immature, and sometimes does not read signals from other children very well. This has been the hardest part of his schooling. Mixing with others and maintaining friendships, and not getting upset. The teachers let him race ahead in maths, and teach to his ability.

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 17-Sep-10 11:32:45

Message withdrawn

QS Fri 17-Sep-10 11:47:51

That is what I am trying to say. His abilities is not causing any problem, his social skills are.

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 17-Sep-10 12:17:07

Message withdrawn

fijibird Fri 17-Sep-10 12:17:16

QS it's the same for my DS however remember that high ability will often result in some sensitivities that they will probably not grow out of but must learn coping mechanisms.
Also I think the ability brings other issues such as when they try & play their own games they may include stuff the other kids don't understand & help to further alienate themselves!

lovecheese Fri 17-Sep-10 13:01:20

Again, NO child can start school knowing everything! They may already be reading, or good with numbers, but will soon be caught up by others.

I try to avoid the parents who say (In voices just loud enough for everyone in the playground to hear) "What will X learn this year? He has already done stage 6 phonics, or 2, 5 and 10 x tables! How are they going to stretch him??".

I know I've gone off the point a bit, but it's highly amusing to hear.

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 17-Sep-10 13:19:19

Message withdrawn

seeker Fri 17-Sep-10 13:32:11

I'm a good reader, Pixie!

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