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drink like a fish, must stop, advice pls

(25 Posts)
newleaf Mon 15-Aug-05 22:16:28

I've loved drinking for over 20 years and have regularly got drunk with friends, to point of not being able to remember how I got home and getting into some potentially dangerous situations when I was younger. Now have children & go out very rarely but still hammer it when I do, and often make a fool of myself, or have dreadful self loathing the following day(me and dh drink regularly in house too). For a long time have thought I was dependent on drink.

Had wild night out at w'end and can hardly remember some of it. Hangover was dire. Am on day 3 of no drink regime, feel hellish, like pmt - teary and irritable, desperate for wine. Completed AA questionnaire online and answered yes to all but one (so take it that's a big YES...)

Sorry to ramble on... just wanted to share, really, see who's out there. Have reached some kind of big turning point, but giving up drink forever is really scary. It feels enormous. I feel alone and frightened.

charliecat Mon 15-Aug-05 22:24:58

Your doing well, some people would never admit to drinking too much. Is dh aware of how you feel?

There have been quite a few posts like this recently BTW your not alone x

serah Mon 15-Aug-05 22:34:04

I know I kep banging on about this bloke - and I confess I only read the "only way to give up smoking" edition - but Allan Carr does an "only way to control alcohol consumption" book (thats not the title by the way - just google Allan Carr Alcohol and I imagine you'll find it) My colleague did it a couple of years ago - still drinks but does not rely on it like he used to.


newleaf Mon 15-Aug-05 22:38:24

Thanks charliecat

He knows I get really really drunk and is quite tolerant of it. He loves drinking too, but doesn't seem to reach that blackout point like I do. But sometimes he gets really depressed after drinking and incapable of doing anything all day. We only really row when we are drunk. I suppose we've always been drinking buddies.

I can't imagine never drinking again but know in my heart that I am incapable of moderating it. It's like I have no brakes. Have been in some dreadful situations - hurt, at police station etc etc - in the past, it's just crap and I hate it.

Chocol8 Mon 15-Aug-05 22:41:09

I should imagine that you are feeling wretched after going cold turkey Newleaf! It may have been easier to cut down rather than give up completely in one go!

Try and keep your water intake up if possible and remember to treat yourself in other ways - the odd chocolate treat won't hurt and after all, you deserve it!

You're right - it is enormous - and well done! There is support out there - for yourself, family and friends if needed - google it for your area and maybe it will be of comfort to know it's there incase you need it? Well done, i hope you're feeling alot better soon! Is your dh supporting you, or continuing to drink?

(I'll look in tomorrow as i'm knackered and have to go to bed now.)

cleverclogs Mon 15-Aug-05 22:45:14

H newleaf, and bloody well done!

I am trying to restrict my alcohol intake to just wekends now as have been drinking steadily more and more over last few months and can manage a bottle of wine to myself on a nightly basis.

Didn't drink last night and so far tonight have been ok (cup of tea instead!) but have eaten more chocolate today as feel bit jittery.

DH was supposed to be restricting his intake too but is currently sat next to me as we speak with a glass of beer (his second tonight)

good luck, your def not alone and their have been other threads on here from others going through a similar experience

take care honey, wll be thinking of you

newleaf Mon 15-Aug-05 23:57:12

thanks very much for kind supportive words, yes will check to see if there's local support (tho can't imagine being a 'group' person)

Well done for sticking to tea tonight cleverclogs, yes I can easily polish off a bottle of wine a night too, at weekends with dh it can be 2 each... anyway, day 3 is nearly over (phew), off for bath now...

(think one day at a time may be best tactic... have checked out earlier drink related threads, lots of v helpful stuff)

steffee Tue 16-Aug-05 00:39:38

Have no advice as I rarely drink (yeah we all say that don't we lol) but just want to say you're doing great, and keep going. Hope you find some support that's not based on a group if that's what you'd prefer.

newleaf Tue 16-Aug-05 09:50:49

thanks steffee, have to admit it is great waking up not hungover, and not worrying if I have boozy breath in the morning when I see friends. This is day 4. The longest period I've gone without a drink in 10 years.

dh is trying to help (had a dry couple of days) and also recognises that he drinks too much. Feel pretty positive.

Anyone out there who's decided (or felt they had to) abstain completely?

ninah Tue 16-Aug-05 10:09:17

I stopped drinking back in March cos it was over the top and I was sick of it. Stopped completely for ages. One thing that really helped in the early days was buying loads of really nice soft drinks with unusual and strong tastes and keeping them to hand. If you're in the habit of having a glass to hand it really does help, plus you need hydration. I am now pregnant so don't know if I'd miss drinking a lot under other circs, but I have the very occasional glass of wine and have broken the loop of relying on it. I don't miss feeling rubbish in the mornings, arguments, the embarrassing things you say and do, the foggy memory. I just don't see drink in the same way - it IS possible, just takes a little time and motivation, which you sound like you have. And drinking in moderation is NOT boring!

Lizzylou Tue 16-Aug-05 10:09:20

Newleaf, I was always someone who, when they drank , doesn't know when to stop...always making a fool of myself and blacking out...
Since I had DS I never really go out and when I do just don't really need to drink as much (only on one or two occasions!), I don't drink at home and am now PG again so totally alcohol free. I think with me it was because I am unconfident (although friends are shocked at this) and never get tipsy, just straight to full on p*ssed!!! I found that having lots of soft drinks in at home (find one that you love) is a good thing and also alternating alcoholic drinks with soft drinks whilst out.
Good luck, part of getting better and healthier without drink is realising that you may have a problem....... I can honestly say that in the past few years I haven't missed feeling hungover and full of dread as what I may or may not have done!!!

ninah Tue 16-Aug-05 10:10:15

snap lizzylou!

Lizzylou Tue 16-Aug-05 10:10:17

Snap Ninah!

ninah Tue 16-Aug-05 10:11:13

oh my word .... lol

moondog Tue 16-Aug-05 10:15:45

newleaf..just a word of support.
LIke many of us,I love my wine and can overdo it on occasion.As I get older,find my body less able to cope,and the paranoia and general shittiness of the hangovers is debilitating.

Recently been experimenting with periods of no drinking (not too hard,living in ultra conservative Eastern Turkey!)After the first few days it's easy.

Dhand I drink more when we're in the UK but try to keep it to w/ends and to drink nicer wine and savour it more.

Good for you. You're very brave in recognising that this is out of control. 2 bottles of wine each is a hell of a lot of booze.

compo Tue 16-Aug-05 10:22:44

also want to add words of encouragement and sympathy. I too have had periods when I know I'm drinking too much for my own good. The thing that helps me is to change my evening routine. I got used to sitting in front of the TV with a glass of wine and snacks. Now I have a shower at night instead and then read a book in bed with a hot chocolate. It sounds boring but it does work.

Enid Tue 16-Aug-05 10:23:35


my mum recognised she had a drinking problem a while back. I know her advice to you would know what to do don't you? You have to give up completely. Some people just aren't designed to be able to manage alcohol at a healthy level.

I think AA might help?

newleaf Tue 16-Aug-05 11:39:15

I have thought about it Enid and don't rule it out, just would like to see how I get along on my own at the moment... do think would be very hard for me to get to meetings with partner's working hours etc. But not impossible.

lizzylou what you say sounds exactly like me - it started as a confidence thing way way back in my teens and has been a crutch ever since, though drinking became so intrenched in my life that I never thought of it like that. What you and ninah say makes loads of sense, thanks so much.

Yes moondog 2 bottles of wine is a hell of a lot! I would be shaking next morning, paranoid, depressed and jittery.

nice soft drinks is a good tip, have already stocked up on herbal teas especially camomile as it seems to calm the jitters a bit.

drinking is a big part of my family life - my mum loves a drink, we have got very drunk together in the past and it usually ends up with her all teary and maudlin (she has v low tolerance)

newleaf Tue 16-Aug-05 11:41:32

pr yes compo have tried to change routine with bath, book and cup of tea - so much of my time in evenings was spent on drinking, suddenly I have to figure out what to do with it!

And no, I don't think moderate drinking is boring, far from it - but I don't think it's an option for me. (at least not at the moment)

ninah Tue 16-Aug-05 11:47:39

well you are certainly not alone!
and I never thought moderate drinking could be for me but after a period of complete abstinence, which I thought would be forever, the urge kind of abated
Even on family occasions!
No guarantees you will find the same but it is possible
take care, Ninah

piffle Tue 16-Aug-05 11:51:25

I did this a while ago, I was drinking every day for about 8 years and suddenly realised I had to (for my own sanity) find out if I was addicted.
I gave up cold turkey - did Sudoku puzzles every night and played games with the kids, went out to do things that meant I could not drink beforehand - I went without drink for several weeks and fainlly allowed myself the odd drink, now we drink 2-3 nights a week and have learned to treat it and out bodies with a bit more respect
Good luck, the first few weeks are like hell... but the freedom once you realise you control it not the other way around is incredible

Lizzylou Tue 16-Aug-05 11:56:49

Newleaf, lots of people drink too much to give themselves confidence and then people "expect" them to be drunk at every social occasion and are shocked when they're've got nothing to feel ashamed about, you're being really sensible in addressing the issue.
I can now take or leave alcohol (leave it at the mo!) and no longer need it for a crutch, it's all about breaking the habit.
Good luck!

newleaf Tue 16-Aug-05 13:56:48

That sounds really hopeful, thanks!

charliecat Wed 17-Aug-05 21:18:17

Hey Newleaf...perfect thread for you here

newleaf Thu 18-Aug-05 22:24:10

thanks very much, charliecat! am on day 6 of no booze and feeling fine, not so grouchy or jittery and a lot more focussed & energetic. Thanks xxx

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