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gynea was very dismissive of my problem - wa I treated fairly?

(44 Posts)
BarbaraX Thu 30-Jun-05 22:19:02

i wanted to get the cause my pain during intercourse investigated ( i waited a few years to panic about it) I feared cancer or some terrible desease as it got worse after having a child 2 years ago. basically, the nurse examined me and although i had not had sex for a year after separting from husband, it still hurt quite a lot in the same way when she was prodding the cervix. sorry too graphic? she could not see anything wrong and the test for infections are negative. my smear 1 and half year ago are also ok. today the doctor at the sex clinic said that because the nurse (he did not examine me)could not see any anormality and the test were negative, this was the end of the road and to come back once i find a sex partner. they understand that my pain is real but because i am not having sex, so thee is no point in investigating further. basically all his questions were all giving away that he thought it is a psycosomatic problem.
i was appauled by this attitute. I know I would feel a lot of pain in the cervix if i had sex right now so something must be going on in there, whether i am sexually active or not. I cant believe i have to get a man to get something done? I voiced my concerns and he was very reluctant basically wanting me to go back to my GP who sent me to the sexual clinic in the first place. I stood my ground and said that I might not have a sex for years and if there is a cyst or other problem like that it would not be detected. when i said that he referred me for a scan. and then he said that if that comes back negative, that would be the end of it.
Surely pain is a symptom of something and they at least owe me a proper explanation of it, so how can they just let it go? i know the pain is not psychological, it is very real, not a disconfort or because i was nervous about the smear/sex. further to that i have miss periods to which he seemed to be having the same attitude, it is a psycho problem.

I have BUPA with work so I think I could make use of that after the scan, whatevet the result. well if my useless GP takes me seriously enough to refer me to a gynea rather than this clinic.
what do you think? do you think i was treated fairly or am i an hypocondriac?

sorry i wanted to make this as brief as possible.

Bellie Thu 30-Jun-05 22:22:32

Barbara - I don't think that you were treated fairly at all - well done for standing your ground though. It is madness IMO that you need a man before you can be treated seriously for your problem

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 30-Jun-05 22:28:11


Not being funny but if you broke it down into paragraphs, people might be able to read it more clearly.

I for one have had a hard day, on top of a hard week and can not concentrate on huge blocks of text.


spod Thu 30-Jun-05 22:31:02

Message deleted

crazyandconfused Thu 30-Jun-05 22:34:42

mrsgordonramsay WTF

As for the problem in question I think you were very unfairly treated if you had a heart problem would you think that , that particular specialist would say 'sorry but I can't do anything about it untill I see you having a heart attack'? I would demand that you be treated a lot better than that. After all do they not hink that the pain is actually putting you off from finding another sexuall partner? I hope that you can get this resolved soon and that its not anything that can not get fixed

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 30-Jun-05 22:39:39


I am exhausted, I have been in and out of meetings with banks and backers all this week.

I have had Gyn problems and would love to help but too tired to read a large block of text.

I was nothing other than polite, so fail to see why you felt the need to get involved.


Aero Thu 30-Jun-05 22:48:32

MGR - fwiw - I agree with you - it is hard to read large blocks of text, but I think this one is worth the effort iyswim. Needed me specs though and a piece of paper to keep the lines separate from each other.
Barbara, despite the large block of text which i found difficult to read, I do think you have been treated unfairly and pain is pain and as such should be investigated until the cause is found. Do you think you might be at all tense during intercourse? Tension in itself can cause very real pain and I'm sure there is a term for this. Whatever it is, I would be persistant until you get an answer you're satisfied with and you really should not have to wait until you are in a relationship before it is sorted out.

Chandra Thu 30-Jun-05 22:51:01

MrsGRamsay... probably you can come back tomorrow when you feel strong enough to be supportive?

BarbaraX, pain when you don't have regular intercourse is common, but from what you say you may be talking about some kind of prolapse that occurs to many women after giving birth. There is a treatment to it but I have to say is not covered by the NHS (they seem to be waiting for a man to come and do the job). If it doesn't hurt now probably things are OK (is not something that will get worse). However, if you feel you need to be sure, use BUPA by all means, if you are inisitent enough the GP would give you a referral, even if he doesn't agree to, if you get him/her tired of your inisistance... he will, believe me

Appologies before hand if I croosposted Mrs Gordon, but I don't anticipate you coming back to this thread in theminutes it has taken me to write this message

Chandra Thu 30-Jun-05 22:52:43

p.s. and TBH, I have seen longer paragraphs than this in Mumsnet

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 30-Jun-05 22:52:59

Apologies if I was abrupt but I really wanted to read and if possible help.

QueenOfQuotes Thu 30-Jun-05 22:54:55

Sounds like you were treated very unfairly - and by a pretty pathetic gynae - I had similar (and still do actually) problems to you - and was (finally) diagnosed with vaginismus.

Aero Thu 30-Jun-05 22:56:06

You was just a little abrupt methinks - not like you - you've just had a long day obviously. Hope you don't mind me saying that.

Aero Thu 30-Jun-05 22:56:44

ps - Meant to add, you're usually so helpful so was surprised by your first post.

Aero Thu 30-Jun-05 22:57:31

QoQ - I think that is the term I was thinking of - just couldn't bring it to mind.

Socci Thu 30-Jun-05 23:03:31

Message withdrawn

MrsGordonRamsay Thu 30-Jun-05 23:03:38


Not at all,

Mini Hijack.............

The banks are baying for blood, it is like this every year, this is our lean time, it only lasts 60 - 90 days and then the Autumn/Winter kicks in and we are motoring again.

We have lost a 40 something/sensible bank manager(to promotion) and he has been replaced by a 25 year old something, who I eventually managed to show up in the meeting. He hadn't read his brief and anyway it is tooooooooo boring to go into here.

Apologies once again.

ChicPea Thu 30-Jun-05 23:07:08

I would wait a month or two and then go back to GP and say you are now having sexual intercourse and it still hurts like hell. The GP has no idea that you are lying (!) and refers you to Bupa. YOu have the benefit of BUPA so you should use it to your advantage.
At least you have been tested for an infection and thank goodness your tests were negative. However, I would see a gynea who knows about the cervix and is interested in problems with the cervix rather than seeing a doctor at a clinic who specialises in sexually transmitted diseases (which is what I have understood from you saying "sex clinic").
One poster mentioned a prolapsed cervix which sounds possible. Really hope you get this sorted out.

ChicPea Thu 30-Jun-05 23:12:27

Also want to say that a doctor's rooms is called a practise (sp?)because that is exactly what they are doing: practising medicine. They don't always get it right. Pursue it BarbaraX.

Aero Thu 30-Jun-05 23:14:02

MGR - that is pants!! I'm sure your apaolgies are accepted and forgiven - bring back Mr (40something) sensible - That's what I say!! Mr 25 clearly hasn't a clue.

Barbara - please excuse mini hi-jack - I honestly think you should persue this, either privately or otherwise. No-one should have to suffer pain like this and your GP obviously can see you have a problem and has taken it seriously enough to refer you. Can you ask for a second opinion, or go back to your GP and tell him you're not happy because you still have the pain?

Aero Thu 30-Jun-05 23:15:09

Good post chickpea.

BarbaraX Thu 30-Jun-05 23:32:18

the more I think about what happened, the more I find it incredible. At first I had doubts about my expectations. Then I really wanted to cry so angry i was for i was made feel like I was being fussy.

they always say to go to the doctors asap with problems and if you leave it until it is too late to treat, they tell you off for not going earlier.

Actually, Crazyand confused... you reminded me that i have indeed lost all my interest in sex and any libido I had. it could be because of this problem as well as being so badly treated by my ex-husband that i lost all faith in the opposite sex. it has certainly stopped me from meeting other men.

it is not a prolapse, i thought it could be but the nurse said no.

it started as a mild discomfort 3 years ago and then it got worse and worse while i was with my husband. when i met my husband i did not have any discomfort at all. it started a year in the relationship. i have not been with him or anyone else since the marriage broke down 15 months ago but the pain is som much there as the internal examination has proven.

surely there must give me an explanation to my pain and help me to get back my sexual life.

I will look into changing practice. they do not have a woman doctor and they are so busy that they do not take time to talk to you properly. i used to have a wonderful doctor last year but i had to change when i moved.

I am very sorry about the block text, it is hard while typing in the box provided to see unless you preview. I am also tired and I was typing quickly but i needed this off my chest now.

thank you to those who made the effort, i appreaciate it very much. those who could not, please try to read it again tomorrow if you think you can really help

but i have seen it so often and worse here that it did not crossed my mind it could be a problem; never seen anyone else bringing this up before so i felt a bit picked on. It has never stopped me reading any message i wanted to read though. but i take the point.

please keep posting suggestions/comments if you can.

ChicPea Thu 30-Jun-05 23:36:20

Which area do you live in Barbara?

BarbaraX Thu 30-Jun-05 23:40:31

oh yes i am happy it is all negative and also that it is not cervical cancer. although i asked to have another smear to which he replied a very paatronising no. the gynea said that the nurse would be able to see if it was CC.

yes, i will try to get that referral to BUPA by all means after I get this scan done. becaue positive or negative it would still hurt if i had sex

BarbaraX Thu 30-Jun-05 23:41:37

West Bermondsey, SE1 London

georginars Thu 30-Jun-05 23:41:44

BarbaraX, when I had an ovarian tumour a few years ago pain during sex (gradually increasing) was the main noticeable symptom, although I didn't notice for ages as it came on so gradually. The scan would show this so I hope it shows up something for you.
And even if it doesn't, I don't think that's the end of it at all - hopeless attitude. There are plenty of things that could cause your symptoms and I hope you get some sort of results soon.
I can't understand why the GP seems to think you should just put up with it! Grrr. I put up with my vague symptoms for ages thinking I couldn't go to the doctor and say 'I've got a fat tummy, I can't eat, and it hurts a bit to have sex' precisely because I thought they wouldn't take me seriously - I won't make that mistake again and I think it's awful that they're not taking you seriously.

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