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son wont let us know anything about his health problems

(12 Posts)
worrieddad Sun 08-Nov-09 19:59:52

We have a son who is 16 but from the age of about 9 he seams to have decided that we are not aloud to know about any medical issues he has.

I expect a child to become more and more independent as he gets older but the sort of things he does seam very very extreme.

The rest of this post explains various things he has done over the years.

When he was 12 we took him to A&E (the reason is not important) but what is important is that when we were there he told us to leave of course we refused, So he walked out and walked all the way home on his own (over 10 miles). Over the next few months we had reason to suspect that he was still suffering from the problem and we constantly asked him about it but he just ignored us every single time. Eventually he gave us a letter which appeared to be from the hospital saying that his follow up tests results were all clear but we later found out that this was a forgery. When we asked him why he did it he actually answered for once, he said "to stop you constantly asking me questions that I am never going to answer".

A year later he incurred and injury at school which could have been a broken leg. We were told by the staff that the only thing he seamed to care about was preventing us from being told but the school told us anyway. when we got there he went into a complete rage when he saw us and even started trying to walk around as best he could a teacher even had to stand between him and a steep set of steps to stop him from going in that direction with his injury. Eventually he got in the ambulance but we were not aloud to get in with him. We drove to the hospital but when we got there they had already decided that he didn’t have a broken leg and discharged him.

A few months after this he had some tests done at the hospital. I walked into the consultant’s room with him and he made it clear that I was not aloud to be there. He threatened to have security remove me and actually went looking for security. In the end I left when the consultant told me that he was happy to talk to my son without me present.

When he was 15 we found out that he had undergone a minor operation without us knowing anything about it. We only found out when my wife saw our GP who asked how he was recovering (not knowing that we didn’t know anything). for months my wife asked him what the reason for the operation had been but he just ignored her every time.

My question is has anyone else got a son or daughter who acts like this and what can we do about it?

maxpower Sun 08-Nov-09 20:11:19

bumping for you

Earlybird Sun 08-Nov-09 20:15:33

Goodness - how odd and upsetting for you. You must have some idea why he behaves this way....what can you pinpoint as reasons he began this obsessive need for privacy?

Does he confide in you/share about things other than his health?

Slambang Sun 08-Nov-09 20:19:02

not enough info

how else is your relationship with him?
does he talk about friends/school/life?
has anything happened health wise where he resents your input?
as his parents were you not allowed access to his health info when he was younger?
have you tried to discuss with him?
do you talk about your health problems with him?
something weird here. This is not just about health, surely?

hormonesnomore Sun 08-Nov-09 20:31:54

I wouldn't have thought it was possible to have an operation, minor or otherwise, in this country at the age of 15 without a parent's signature on the consent form. How did this happen?

worrieddad Sun 08-Nov-09 22:57:33

I dont have time for a full reply right now so ill be brief on this occasion

when he was younger he didnt behave like this but his mother always told everyone in our circle everything about his health. I remember one incident where he pulled the phone line out to stop her from talking to a friend about him.
I have suspected for a while that this developed into the situation i have today.

as for the operation. Apparently minors can get any medical treatment they want without the pearents even knowing as long as they understand the doctors advice.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 08-Nov-09 23:02:23

It's the Gillick ruling; if doctors consider that a child is old enough to understand the issues and to consent or to withhold consent, parents can do nothing about it.

colditz Sun 08-Nov-09 23:07:27

I was like this. not from age nine, but certainly by the time I was twelve I sorted out my on medical issues.

It drove my parents insane, and as a parent now myself I can understand why. However, I remember feeling very strongly that this was the one area of my life that I could control that the law would back me up on. My parents seemed to control everything, they stuck their nose into everything, they even read my diary and as one of three and the eldest by 5 years, I had a deep and urgent need for privacy. The Hippocratic Oath provided me with this.

I had courses of antibiotics, a wart removal, contraceptive advice and a pregnancy scare by the time I was 16, none of which I told my parents about. TBH, they simply did not need to know.

colditz Sun 08-Nov-09 23:08:39

Now you've posted about his mother not respecting his privacy, his behavior seems perfectly normal!

LyraSilvertongue Sun 08-Nov-09 23:18:51

I'm not surprised he's acted the way he has. His mother broadcasting every detail of his health to anyone who would listen is reason enough.
Poor guy just needs some privacy. When my sister and I were younger we soon learned not to tell our mother anything because we knew she'd talk about it to her sisters/her friends/the neighbours.

ABitHalloweenBatty Sun 08-Nov-09 23:19:26

I would just leave him alone. He is 16 now afterall. Pushing the issue is just going to make it worse.

shineoncrazyfirecracker Sun 08-Nov-09 23:23:44

Message withdrawn

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