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So it turns out my gran has been deliberately starving herself for a week. She died today and the nursing home said they informed us she had stopped eating but they hadn't......

(52 Posts)
foxinsocks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:07:26

I mean ffs

they said 'oh we definitely informed you' so I said how and they said 'oh we rang the relatives we had listed down'. Not one of us was informed. Not one. And she died today because she was very weak and sick and although she was old, I imagine not eating for a whole week when you have severe Parkinsons disease probably contributed.

Surely they have been neglectful by not telling us that ?

BrigitDeathEaters Mon 26-Oct-09 19:13:00

Absolute total utter negligence. I am truly shock Even if her death was inevitable or even her wish they should have made the utmost effort to contact you. This is appalling.

Sorry for your loss.

Katisha Mon 26-Oct-09 19:15:06

Did they know she was not eating??

Who are they claiming to have actually rung? Or are they just bluffing?

IWantMeBack Mon 26-Oct-09 19:15:28

So sorry for your loss.

Have you considered making a formal complaint? This could happen again. sadtoangry

When my nana died I am certain she was alone but at least the hospice tried to hide that from me (to make me feel better.)

BoysAreLikeDogs Mon 26-Oct-09 19:17:11

fis I am horrified by this, I am so sorry for your loss

who DID they ring ?

contact CQC to report?

littleducks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:17:33

Sorry about your gran

I'm not sure what to say about the nursing home, i'd be livid and want to sue them, the should surely have logged the calls and responses?

foxinsocks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:18:23

yes, they knew she wasn't eating. The nurse who found her (and seems to be the one on her ward that day) said they knew she hadn't been eating for a week. We spoke to the person in charge and they said 'yes, she decided she didn't want to eat any more' So I said 'err shouldn't someone have called us' and she said 'oh yes, everyone on the list would have been informed'. So I said nobody had been informed and they said 'yes, they had it written down that everyone had been informed on the phone' which is total bollocks.

My poor nan. If we'd known she wasn't eating, we might have been able to at least see her before she died. I so so so hope they didn't tell her they'd called us when they hadn't and she thought we didn't care . We were due to go today too as I'd taken time off in half term to go and visit .

watsthestory Mon 26-Oct-09 19:19:09

Message withdrawn

Katisha Mon 26-Oct-09 19:19:11

How utterly crap.
What are you going to do?

herbietea Mon 26-Oct-09 19:19:48

Message withdrawn

foxinsocks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:19:58

thanks BALD, I will complain to these guys.

I bet nothing is written down because no-one was called. I just hope and pray she didn't think we knew and hadn't bothered to visit her. It would kill me if she thought none of us cared when we did a lot

littleducks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:22:47

I hope so too foxinsocks, that is the saddest thing i have heard in a while, I truely hope you get some answers as to what on earth happened

foxinsocks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:27:55

thanks everyone

once the funeral is over and all the family has come over, I will write a formal complaint to the nursing home. Will also write to the those people BALD linked to.

I know my parents and my mum's brother won't want to complain (they are too sad anyway - they are abroad (Australia and S Africa) so feel even worse because had they been told the minute she stopped eating they would have made it here in time - now it will take them a few days to get flights etc.) but I am going to do this because I think it is hideous and don't want it to happen again to anyone else

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 26-Oct-09 19:34:19

It won't bring her back, but I would ask to see a copy of her care plan and the notes that should be written every day about the resident. Even if the notes say nothing to report or no change, they should be written on each day.
If someone was contacted, there should be documentation and this should be signed by the staff nurse on duty.

YoureTerribleMuriel Mon 26-Oct-09 19:38:38

Yes there should be written documentation that relatives had been informed.

Were you informed that she was very ill and near death?

BoysAreLikeDogs Mon 26-Oct-09 19:38:52

oh mate, having family abroad at this time is v v hard

CAT me if you want to chat x x x

Tortington Mon 26-Oct-09 19:39:55

i am so sorry for your loss. i hope you manahe to take this further with advice.

again sorry for your loss

SCARYspicemonster Mon 26-Oct-09 19:42:48

Oh I am so sorry My grandad did this too (he also had parkinsons) but at least the hospital told us so we could go and say our goodbyes. I can't imagine how awful you must feel that they didn't tell you and yes, I think that is negligent of them.

Hope you manage to get some answers.

MmeGoblindt Mon 26-Oct-09 19:43:25

So sorry.

The behaviour of the nursing home is appalling. Do complain about them.

foxinsocks Mon 26-Oct-09 19:44:38

ah kreecher, that's good info I will ask for that.

No, we weren't even told she was near death. She had v advanced Parkinsons but that on its own wouldn't kill her (but it's why she was in a home - her husband died earlier this year and she couldn't cope on her own as she needed 24 hour care). So no-one even knew she was this close to death though I suppose you always think, at the back of your mind, that once someone is in a home, they are probably not that far off the end .

She looked after me for quite a long time when I was a kid (due to general parental hopelessness lol). She was always the sort of gran that smuggled a £1 note into our pocket when no-one was looking . I just hope they treated her ok in this last week because she must have known her time was nigh.

thanks for all the well wishes, I appreciate them all xx

Bubble99 Mon 26-Oct-09 19:47:57

I am so sorry, foxy xx

Yes. You need to make a formal complaint when you feel ready and able.

motherinferior Mon 26-Oct-09 19:48:43

O my love, I am so sorry.

The organisation counsel and care might be worth talking to. There is a helpline and it is a very good organisation, I think.

I am so very sorry.

MarsLady Mon 26-Oct-09 19:56:55

I'm so so sorry for your loss. sad

HappyAccident Mon 26-Oct-09 20:08:34

Am very sorry for your loss fis, and for the way her situation was handled.

CantSleepWontSleep Mon 26-Oct-09 20:13:44

Very sorry for you loss fis.

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