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Can I canvas some opinions on coping strategies, please?

(5 Posts)
BottomoftheWell Fri 23-Oct-09 10:53:51

I'm a regular poster who has name-changed for this.

I have always been stalked by the 'black dog' and now find myself highly anxious on top of it all. Time out is not a possibility but I do need to discover any strategies to help me cope with the pressure. I feel as though I am being pulled in many different directions but have drained my reserves in order to just function on a daily basis. I find myself forgetting even the most basic things and am generally very low and very anxious. Any suggestions gratefully received!

Doodlez Fri 23-Oct-09 10:57:44

My top tip - write lists.

Start right now and write your job list. When it's all written down, you can breath and relax and then just quietly get on with the business of completing each task.

Keep your note-book next to your bed and jot down anything you need to remember for tomorrow before you go to sleep - it helps you feel calm and in control which in turn, allows you to sleep properly.

BottomoftheWell Fri 23-Oct-09 11:22:01

Doodlez - I am a list maker of some renown!

My problem is dealing with all the different things I ma expected to deal with on a daily basis. DH is absorbed by his work, so has absolved himself from any involvement in the family/home/life in general. I also work with DH who is as demanding at work as he is at home - more so in fact. He expects me to cover aspects of the job that I do not feel able to do and cannot have anything explained to him without flying off the handle, as though every problem, cash-flow, staffing problems, unpaid bills are somehow the product of my neglect. If I had the guts I think I would walk away, but I'm not a quitter and have 2 DDs to consider. Our business is new and will be successful but it's not something I ever wanted to do - it's all DH's 'baby' and I just knew all the shit stuff would be left to me while he laps up the glory.

Sorry, rant over.

Doodlez Fri 23-Oct-09 11:45:22

Bottom - 2 years ago, my DH started our business. I backed him. It was something he had always talked about doing and external events meant the time was right. I told him to do it now, whilst I was in my early 40's and the children were still young enough to be 'portable' - so if it all went wrong, we could sell up, down-size and start again. I told him, if it was 10 years from now, I would say "No, absolutely not!".

I told him this was his chance to "live HIS dream".

He asked me for 18 months support - doing the accounts and admin. I agreed, providing it was 18 months and no more (within reason!).

So, 2 years down the line and I too am STILL doing accounts and admin and a whole load of other stuff I have NO IDEA about. I am a sales person through and through. i DO NOT do accounts/admin/other stuff I am currently doing. The thing is, I cannot just say "that's it, get a real person in to do this" because the timing isn't right. So, I have to carry on. Then he gets arsey with me because this, that and the other hasn't been done. I say "Remember Mister - THIS IS YOUR DREAM. NOT MINE!"

The reason I tell you all of this? Because it sounds like you and I are living the same life. We too have two children (aged 8 and 6).

I haven't got any other top tips but I hope that just the knowledge that somebody else is out there, going through nearly the exact same shit as you are, helps! smile

BottomoftheWell Fri 23-Oct-09 12:15:39

Thanks, Doodlez. That is identical to our situation! I initiated DH's transition from employee to employer because he is in the ascendant professionally and his old employer treated him like shit, which he really did not deserve. The time was right but I am so out of my depth it's unreal! My brain is like an overstuffed filing cabinet (unlike my real filing cabinet, which has all the filing piled on top of it atm) with no more room for anything and I would love a good night's sleep. Oh, and no monotonous dreams about work and missing important deadlines. I used to have a recurring dream about an out-of control car I couldn't drive properly and kept crashing into things in a car park. That dream has returned, but I'm driving a lorry now! No need to analyse that one...

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