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Oh My Bloody God. That's It. I'm Getting The Breadknife Out!

(13 Posts)
EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 18:45:26

Time for some home surgery?

or maybe a real Dr. i can't stand it any more. The whole bloody lot is ging to have to go.

differentWitch Tue 20-Oct-09 18:46:35

what in particular are you intending to carve off?

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 18:50:09

I'm going for all internal bits from lungs down. although bladdar not a bother - it mayjust get in the way.

cupcake123 Tue 20-Oct-09 18:54:53

Just hack it all out and be done with it. It's the best way.

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 18:57:38

how much wine will i need for anaesthetic? is there a wine : weight ratio thing?

cupcake123 Tue 20-Oct-09 19:00:35

I'd say you should go for a bottle and a half. Drink it quite fast, but not fast enough to make yourself sick.

Alternatively, if you want to make it look legitinmately medical, get a box of Namaqua Soft Red, hack open the cardboard, pull out the bag, and mount it on a cobbled-together "drip stand" with a length of piping coming out of it and taped to the side of your face.

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 19:03:08

IV wine would probably cancel out the need for the home surgery.
the codeine isn't working.
may have to go to bed with HWB and bottle of Red.

cupcake123 Tue 20-Oct-09 19:05:40

Bed is usually my default option. Might crawl off there myself to hide from hideous job dilemma and worry about why my wee smells absolutely bizarre at the moment.

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 19:06:43

and now i think i might be having a heart attack.

cupcake123 Tue 20-Oct-09 19:08:52

FFS, it never rains but it bloody pours, doesn't it?

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 19:09:38

Or it may be a pulmonary embolism, related to the DVT I have going in my right thigh.

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 20-Oct-09 19:10:06

or maybe just that codeine really doesn't agree with me.

cupcake123 Tue 20-Oct-09 19:12:44

It sounds like an embolism to me. Perhaps you should call NHS Direct?

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