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I am a liar

(11 Posts)
LightningBolt Thu 20-Aug-09 23:13:48

I should know better and would never do this to a person I was caring for,in a prof capacity.

From research if dp illness is treated swiftlywithin the first few months life expectancy is around 10 years or so,as a rule of thumb.Though obv everybody is an individual.

Which it has been.He is in no state to look on tinternet and tonight asked about this.Because of his fragile mental state (he is on anti ds and having mh input)I have said that if you get to ten years then it is a good innings and you could possibly have longer.

Which IS true,but a lot of the stats are poor.

Oh God.That is awful isn't it?

DP is VERY depressed and is being seen by a mh nurse and on ads.

HolyGuacamole Thu 20-Aug-09 23:18:31

You have said the best thing that you could say given the circumstances of his mental state and you haven't really lied. I don't know what the illness is and there is no need to know but in your shoes I'd have said the same if that is of any comfort to you.

Don't beat yourself up over this.

blinks Thu 20-Aug-09 23:19:28

not awful at all and perhaps over the next few years treatment will change and improve...

what illness does he have?

edam Thu 20-Aug-09 23:19:47

Wow, Lightening, I don't think any of us are in a position to criticise you. It's completely different to being a health professional caring for patients - this is your husband, your responsibility to him is personal and down to you and him to work out.

I'm so sorry dp has got such a life-limiting illness. Maybe when his mental state lifts a little you'll be able to go into it a little more, but for now I'd say you are doing the right thing. But the right thing is very much down to your judgment - you know your dh and your own situation far better than any random poster on a website.

LightningBolt Thu 20-Aug-09 23:23:47

I would rather not say as have friends/associates on here and would be very identifiable.It is chronic and multisystem.

he has been treated with cytotoxic drugs (not a cancer) and has had multiple dvts/pes/renal failure/respiratoryprobs and so on.

blinks Fri 21-Aug-09 01:07:22

that's understandable, not to go into detail...

you can only go with your instincts and with him being especially fragile just now, i doubt brutal honesty would help anyone.

i hope you have lots of support yourself to deal with this?

mathanxiety Fri 21-Aug-09 06:33:16

You don't know how much further medical science will be advanced in ten years, and there may well be a better prognosis by then. Don't beat yourself up. Sometimes it's better to be kind than technically right. Hugs 2u.

MmeLindt Fri 21-Aug-09 06:43:08

You did the right thing. Don't feel bad about it.

It is not like you said that he will make a complete recovery, that would have been wrong.

At present his stability is more important, hopefully the coming years might bring some new treatments.

TheDMshouldbeRivened Fri 21-Aug-09 07:49:15

go with your instincts. I've not told dd at all. At 5 she doesn't need to know her prognosis.
And medical assessments of outcome are based on statistics, not individuals.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 21-Aug-09 08:19:40

You are not a liar. You are a lovely person who is trying to protect someone from more stress.

Take care of yourself too.

lou031205 Fri 21-Aug-09 09:06:53

What you have done is give your DH the best case scenario. There may come a time to modify that, but right now is not that time. Right now is a time to get your DH in the best possible mental state so that you and he can enjoy whatever time it is that he has left. Whatever happens, make sure that you are keeping well too, because you will be of no use to him by running yourself into the ground.

Have an un-mn ((()))

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