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cant believe this has happened (sorry...long)

(15 Posts)
vicki21 Thu 26-May-05 20:55:18

Hi, im new on here, came on to see if i could find any previous threads that may help put my mind as ease a bit but have decided to post instead.
Ive just gone back to work after having a year off with my gorgeous son (1st child) in this time ive suffered PND and have been very anxious about leaving him. We arranged that childcare would be shared between my mum and a childminder we know. My mum has looked after Sam loads since he was born so its made it easier to leave him with her than the childminder whilst i go to work, yesterday though that all changed.
Igot a phonecall at work off my mum saying that sam had an accident...whilst getting his dinner out of the microwave (my mum had hold of him cause hes just trying to walk and was getting under her feet) sam tried to grab the bowl and its gone up in the air and some of the contents have then spilled onto his face causing scalding.
We took him to A&E at the local hospital and then we got transfered by ambulance to a regional childrens hospitals burns unit. The scald is 2nd degree and in a couple of places on one cheek.
He is absolutly fine in himself and has carried on as normal...i on the other hand am absolutly mortified, I am so worried about him scarring that i cant stop breaking down in tears. My mum is gutted and although i have tried to reassure her that accidents happen i cannot get past the fact that this happened in her care and im petrified of going back to work and leave him with anyone. I feel terrible that i feel this way and i have stared to take my PND tablets again cause i can feel my emotions spiraling out of control.
After an overnight stay at the burns unit they let us come home and have dressed the wounds with some vurtual skin, the consultant was an arse and her bedside manner was non existent said that he would probably be left with some mark but then when she left the sister on the ward tried to calm me down by telling me that she has seen this before and in most cases there is 100% recovery.
I feel like i have totally let my son down and not sure what to do from here, desperatly need advice, feel i cant discuss this or the way i feel with anyone else cause its my mum and i know shes so upset and sorry by the whole thing. Sorry to do such a big post but needed to get it off my chest!

Evesmama Thu 26-May-05 21:04:02

so sorry to hear what happend
i hope he's okay now?

i can totally understand how you feel, but because 'i' am not in that position, i can sort of see it from an outsiders POV..

one day we are gunna have to leave them..nursery, school etc and then it will be with someone we dont know at all! yes extremely scary thought for me too

im sure your mum is mortified and i know i would find it hard too, but although we should never but our children at risk..i do think that it was a dreadful accident...cant say there will be another one, cant say there wont, but im sure she will be 200% more vigilant now after what happend.

(yeah i know, im not even convinsing myself)

hope you manage to work through it

thedogmother Thu 26-May-05 21:05:39

Just to let you know that people here will be thinking of you. Try not to worry too much, I'm sure your mum would be ultra-careful not to let anything like that happen again.

Shame about the consultant, what the hell do these people think they are sometimes?

sharry Thu 26-May-05 21:05:40

You were at work supporting your family (NOT PARTYING) How can you feel you let him down- you were doing your best for you all?

Your mum must feel terrible accidents do happen,
go and give her a big hug! Try and talk it through with her she may now not feel confident in having him again.
Im sure any scarring will fade my own dd born with congential birth defect now she is older can not see it!

Laylasmum Thu 26-May-05 21:05:52

Poor you and your ds vicki. as you rightly said accidents can and do happen all the time to everyone.i guess its normal to feel some guilt but it was just an accident and chances are your ds will have no lasting memory of events. This did not happen because you had left him with someone else it could just of easily happened with you there. I know its hard but try not to beat yourself up about it, be thankful that your ds is well and happy and discuss it with your mum because your silence will only make her feel worse!! don't know if thats any help.

Lonelymum Thu 26-May-05 21:10:24

I did something similar to my dd when she was only 7 months old - dropped a dish of microwaved fish (with boiling water underneath it) on the floor where she was sitting in her bouncy chair and scalded her arm. Unfortunately she is scarred for life, but only on her arm. I am sure they can do something to try to rectify scarring on the face. Nevertheless, I still feel guilty about it. Such a silly thing to do, done in an instant and scarred for life.

Aero Thu 26-May-05 21:17:40

Not sure how much help I can be here and am very sorry this has happened to your wee man. Maybe some words of reassurance.
My sister burned herself with boiling soup which was in a blender. She accidently knocked it on before putting on the lid and the soup went everywhere and burned her forehead quite badly. Her hair protected her head from more burns. Anyway, we also took her to A&E, as the skin had lifted off when she tried to remove the soup. To cut a long story short, she has made a full recovery and has no scars.
Your son is very young and if he is left with any marks, they will fade loads and will also diminish in size as he grows bigger. The main thing is that he is ok in himself. Try not to beat yourself up about this. In a weeks time, things will hopefully look a lot better as he heals. Sadly, these things do happen, but he has been given good care and I'm sure will make a full recovery.

CountessDracula Thu 26-May-05 21:19:58

Oh vicki I can totally understand how awful you feel but as you know it is not your fault and yes accidents do happen.

FWIW I was burned badly on the arm (had to go to hospital twice a day for a couple of weeks to get dressing changed, was agony etc) and there is no mark.

Hope you feel happier soonxxxxxxxxxxxxx

vicki21 Thu 26-May-05 21:20:39

Thanks ladies!

Sharry, glad to hear that your dd is ok now...this has made me put thing in perspective a bit.

DS is in bed now and like i said in my original post he is just acting as normal.

I have spoke to my mum loads and shes been at the hospital with us most of the time...i have reassured her that this was an accident that could have happened anywhere and she is very vigilent when she looks after him. Problem is i think im trying to convince myself aswell, i feel so terible that i am not certain how im going to be able to leave him again.

moondog Thu 26-May-05 21:23:49

Vicki..poor you. You have to keep on teling yourself that it was just one of those arbitrary things-could have happened anywhere and with anyone.
Children have to have accidents,otherwise they wouldn't learn how to protect themselves from danger.
Remember that children's skin heals very fast and effectively. My sister was very badly burned at the age of 11 by an water heater that exploded in our house with her standing next to it. Her scars are barely noticeable now at the age of 36.

emkana Thu 26-May-05 21:26:33

My dd2 also scalded herself when she was 14 months old, it was my fault, I was getting tea out of a drinks machine and didn't pay attention - when the little door opened she pulled the cup out and it went all over her.
You now cannot see a thing, she is totally fine.
I was devastated to begin with, but she healed very quickly and that really helped to make me feel better.
Give it a bit of time, the wounds both outside and inside are still fresh, but you will all feel better soon when you see how quickly his young skin heals!

sunchowder Thu 26-May-05 21:30:27

Vicki--I burned my DD by accident also, it was all my fault and I wanted to absolutely die. I was checking boiling macaroni on the stove and dipped a spoon in to check it for doneness. In the meantime as I was standing there, she had crawled all the way from the family room into the kitchen and somehow got right by my feet. I tripped and some of the boiling water went onto her arm. The burn was a small one, but it killed me how stupid I was that I hadn't put her in her playpen and how clumsey I had been. We rushed to the hospital and had it treated, and I was like a lunatic with changing the dressings for the next 3 weeks. Within 6 months you could just about see the scar and within a year it was gone altogether. Your mother must feel HORRIBLE about this also. Try your best to forgive her, I know it is so difficult--we want to protect our children from everthing--especially as this is your first child. You have not let your son down, it is alright to be upset and to get it out of your system. Smother him with kisses and love and go on from here.

vicki21 Thu 26-May-05 21:36:56

thanks for all your messages, i am willing the days to go by so the constant sick feeling i have will go and hopefully we will know more about what if any marks ds will be left with. It sounds so very vain of me to be worried about this when like you so rightly said he has suffered no other effects but i am worried about the school years he will have to endure if he has a marked face he may get picked on

kazoo Thu 26-May-05 22:09:36

Vicki the important thing here is that your son seems absolutely fine. It is amazing how resilient small children are. He is so young he won't remember the accident. Last year my ds(1st child), then 6 months old got rather a nasty burn at a family barbecue. A gust of wind blew a lit piece of charcoal which landed on his arm. At the time he was in his babywalker being watched by my MIL. She didn't see it happen the first we knew about it was when he started screaming for what appeared to be no reason. I picked him up but couldn't comfort him and then I felt a burning sensation on my leg. I jumped up and saw the small piece of charcoal fall of my skirt where it had burnt a hole through. I quickly realised it must have fallen off my ds and on checking found a burn the size of a five pence on his forearm. I rushed him to the hospital and they were great. Ds has a scar because the burn was so deep but it looks more like a birthmark than a burn because of the orangey colour of it. I became completely hysterical blaming everyone including myself. For a while I convinced myself I was a bad mother I had scarred my child for life. I felt sick every time I saw the scar. It took me months to realise it was nobodys fault just a freak accident and these things happen. It hasn't stopped me from taking ds to barbecues or from being looked after by my MIL. I know exactly what you are going through right now it will take time to get over the shock but just try to stay calm and don't lay any blame it was a complete accident.

vicki21 Fri 27-May-05 20:39:59

Thanks Kazoo, had a bit of a better day although i did take ds for a walk and watched a few people staring at him! He is going to my mums for an hour tomorrow to get us all back into our normal routine, im sure it will be as difficult for her as it is for me. After loadsa people telling me their diffrent stories on here and in RL im staring to get my head around it a bit more and trying to do a bit of positive thinking!

Thanks again to all who posted, it really has helped me get through the last couple of days

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