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I have had an accident with a custard cream

(27 Posts)
MrsJKyle Tue 28-Jul-09 23:59:51

It appears to be wedges up my vagina and my vagina has insuficient lubrication to dossolve it, and I can't reach it.

Should I dial 999?

I am worried a crumb might impregnate me and I will have a custardbaby

kormachameleon Wed 29-Jul-09 00:02:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJKyle Wed 29-Jul-09 00:04:28

But what will I dunk in my tea now? I was going to eat it after A&E removed it.

kormachameleon Wed 29-Jul-09 00:05:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Wed 29-Jul-09 00:05:52

Shove a sausage roll up there, then you can call the Swine Flu Hotline.

GentlyDoesIt Wed 29-Jul-09 00:07:28

When I had a Duchy original up mine, I went private, so I can't help you I'm afraid

MrsJKyle Wed 29-Jul-09 00:07:43

Should the sausage roll be a greggs one? Or does it have to contain REAL meat?

DidEinsteinsMum Wed 29-Jul-09 00:07:47

grin

SoupDragon Wed 29-Jul-09 00:08:11

A real pork sword is what you need.

hobbgoblin Wed 29-Jul-09 00:08:13

You need to give it a poke with a matchstick - orange flavour, preferably.

MrsJKyle Wed 29-Jul-09 00:09:31

What if the matchstick gets wedged there too and then I have twins? Kustardie and Oranggiey

hobbgoblin Wed 29-Jul-09 00:10:53

I hope you are happily married or there could bu custardy issues and that would be distressing for you.

MrsJKyle Wed 29-Jul-09 00:12:39

Its ok. Husband has access to a lie detector machine, he can see it was a genuine mistake. (I slipped on a wet fish and landed on it naked)

GentlyDoesIt Wed 29-Jul-09 00:13:43

custardy issues grin

hobbgoblin Wed 29-Jul-09 00:18:30

To be honest, unless you are dual heriatge/mixed race yourself, sticking a mathctick up after a custard cream could mean you need that DNA test more than ever.

anonandlikeit Wed 29-Jul-09 00:23:09

Oh CRUMBS! Don't you know you should always lick the middle out before dunking grin

cornsillk Wed 29-Jul-09 00:25:28

Do you have an emergency fruitshoot?

MrsJKyle Wed 29-Jul-09 00:25:39

lick the middle out hmm

That could be a possible solution. <calls hubby>

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Wed 29-Jul-09 00:27:04

grin ROFL!!!

Well, it could have been worse. I read somewhere that a bottle causes a vaccum effect so you would have needed to go to A&E.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Wed 29-Jul-09 00:27:44

Wouldn't it be soggy by now dear? (boak)

anonandlikeit Wed 29-Jul-09 00:28:35

Did you take it out of the packet?

MrsWeasley Wed 29-Jul-09 00:28:37

plunger??

GentlyDoesIt Wed 29-Jul-09 00:30:18

<struggles to construct Fox's Party Rings-based joke>

MrsWeasley Wed 29-Jul-09 00:31:27

the wet fish you slipped on was it dead or alive?

How or more importantly where is it now?

anonandlikeit Wed 29-Jul-09 00:34:11

have you tried pelvic floor exercises, it might crumble.

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