health visitors

[holynight]

Anyone had a bad experience with a health visitor?

Brief outline-
ds 3.9 has been referred to social services as the health visitor has said he has not been socialising enough and his speech is delayed which he is getting therapy for.He has had 1 session with the speech therapist and from this they have come to the conclusion he may have dyspraxia.The health visitor has met him about 3 times and never does anything to encourage a response from him.
This was a bolt of the bliue and still feel numb,angry upset.Don't know what to think!!
She has also added she has referred dd who is just 2 ,could'nt believe it!!!
When asked why she said she has never heard her speak!!She is a shy girl around people she does not know well ,and yet again the health visitor has made no positive steps to be warm towards ethier children,what does she expect.
Under normal circumstances they are both happy children who roleplay and communicate in the way children do.My dd does have a few words she says,mum,arm ham kick duck etc
Am just stunned and shocked as to what on earth this health visitor is doing.She just referred themwithout no warning to me and no indication his development stages were that far behind.As far as i am concerned apart from the speech taking longer his other skills are fine.He can work the computer,he can draw,make things cook as great imagination skills etc etc.
This woman is totally out of order and i wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and what do i do now.I am not accepting this referral.
I know we will get a chance to have i say when the social services call but it should have never got this far.
Also she came into my house and the first thing she said was the speech therapist thinks he has dyspraxia and will need intensive therapy.To which i burst out crying and when i calmed down and asked what that means and could i have done anything to prevent it ,she could'nt answer any of my questions.Surely something like this should have told to me by the speech therapist who could then have answered any questions i may have had.
This is a complete and utter nightmare and think i am going to wake up soon and it's all been a bad dream!!

[holynight]

Hausfrau,thanks for your reply.
My dh is going to put in a complaint to her team leader and say we are not happy with the way she handled things and think she has gone completly over the top,with out the full facts of ds's and dd's development.
Like you i am so mad and can't believe something as serious as this was not dealt with properly and with only half of the information.

[holynight]

Good question Hausfrau!!
mY DD was 2 last week and she was meant to have done her 2 year check which she did'nt do.Then she says she is referring her.
On what evidence i would like to know!!
She has probably spent approx 3 hours in my house on total,and has come to this conclusion.

[holynight]

just wondering if anyone else had any experience of this
still feeling numb by it all

[ruty]

my hv has never been able to answer any questions i ask her, i find out so much more from mumsnet than from her. when she found out we were co sleeping she made a face and said 'i won't tell you off now' [cos ds been thru\a rough time health wise] but later on we'll\have to have a talk.' About what, i wonder?

[Aragon]

holynight

I'm a HV too. What your HV has done is appalling. First thing to say is that I am dyspraxic too and I know there are others here who have children with dyspraxia. Dyspraxia is a nuisence but it's not the end of the world and your ds will be fine with appropriate assessment and support. It's nothing you've done or not done but just the way your son is. Believe me I have survived with it and studied to degree level and lead a very normal life. Your son sounds fine to me if he's doing all the things you've listed above.

I can see no reason why she has got social services involved - especially as she's met him so few times. The only possible reason I can think of is to arrange some additional support services for your son - but it's still no excuse for not discussing it with you first. Make sure the social worker knows that you are unhappy about the referral and that you feel your son is developing well.

Finally, just for information you don't have to see this woman again if you don't want to. HVs have to offer a service but you are not obliged to accept it. If you feel the need to see a HV then write to the Modern Matron for Community Nursing" c/o your local hospital and request a change - perhaps explaining why.

Feel free to CAT me if you want. You shouldn't have been treated in this way and cases like yours make me so angry.

[holynight]

Ruty,thanks for you reply.We to co sleep,my ds comes into our bed my dd has always slept in her cot no problem.Not sure when she transfers to a bed what will happen!!!!
How old is your child/children?
You mentioned your ds,how is he now?

Aragon,i have catted you,thanks

[ruty]

my ds is 8months. He had blood in his stools from 3 to 6 months, allergic colitis, but he is getting better and eating well. We had a rocky time at birth with some separation, so we both need now to be as close as possible! The HV always remarks on how happy and bubbly he is, but obviously doesn't make the connection with the attachement parenting, which we more or less do.

[Aragon]

Oh ruty, co-sleeping is my pet subject as ds and I co-slept for the first 20 odd weeks - the only way I could get any sleep AND I liked it as well. Okay I know it's not for everyone but it's just soooo nice. He's now in his bed but if he's ill he still comes in for a night of cuddles with Mummy - you just can't beat that nioce nurturing feeling.
I always tell Mums the safetly guidelines for co-sleeping (not bed-sharing if you smoke, if you're overtired or have been drinking/taking any drugs that might make you extra sleepy etc) and then leave them to make their own decisions.

Thread hi-jack over.

[holynight]

Ruty,pleased to hear your ds is getting better.

I think i may have or are suffering with PND but my HV has never tested me for this .I often think although she is a HV she has'nt recognised this in me and seems to me PND is'nt recognised as an illness.If i had something physically wrong with me rather than mentally ie depression,anxiety,she may know where i am coming from.
This experience is totally unreal for me.
It would make me think twice about opening up to a HV again,which is a shame as i have seen on MN on other threads that people have had positive experiences.

[Aragon]

holynight - I've sent you an e-mail. Ask a HV (not your current one) to do an Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Score. I'm sure I can scan one and mail it to you if you like.

Mandy

[holynight]

Mandy thank you so much for your e mail.
I will read it through properly later once the children are in bed.

If you could e mail an edinburgh scale that would be really useful.
Is it something you can get a diagnosise from straight away?

[ruty]

holynight PND is so common, but so often neglected, i do hope you get the right person to talk to. Aragon, i don't smoke or drink or take any medication just in case you were worried! And because i was so worried about sleeping with ds when he was newborn and i had just had a caesar, he was taken away and given donated breast milk without my consent, and i've wanted to stay close to him ever since, even tho i tried to get him to settle in his cot for the first four months, and i was exhausted getting up to breast feed at night. Now i get a lovely night's sleep and so does he! Hijack over again!

[holynight]

Thank you ruty,I am making enquires at the moment.

It is very over whealming having so many people involved in something like this ,you forget who said what,when and it gets very confusing to take all the information in.