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what should I do?

(8 Posts)
bizzi Wed 11-May-05 17:22:26

My Dad, 68, had his prostate removed due to cancer 4 years ago. He'been healthy till recently, when he fell ill with salmonella which didn't improve on treatment. Admitted to hospital on Saturday and operated on on Monday to remove a lot of his sm intestine swollen with cancer, all we've been told is that he has secondaries and it's in his liver. He's starting chemo next week. I know what all this means, he's unlikely to have long. (Please someone in the know, tell me how stupidly wrong I'm being)

My problem is what do I do now? I'm not working and have 3 children in school. Yr 5,2 and reception. My dad is my whole world and I want to be there with him for as much of the time as possible and to be able to support my mum but they live 200 miles away. The children adore my parents and will be very cut up by this so I don't want to unsettle them further by going away myself for long periods.

I feel so incredibly useless, what can I do? Any suggestions?

MarsLady Wed 11-May-05 17:49:33

bumping for you. Sorry that I can't help

mummycan Wed 11-May-05 18:20:17

Do you have friends who can help out with the children - sorry no real advice but just wanted to reply.

Don't really know wht to say but try and spend as much time as you can with your dad and let the children see him as well.

All my love

Take Care

beep Wed 11-May-05 21:31:33

my younger sister was diagnosed with bowel cancer about 16 months ago, she also has secondaries in the liver,so far she is responding well to the treatments.she lives 120 miles away and i wish we were nearer.

swedishmum Wed 11-May-05 21:43:12

My mum is currently having chemo after a big op for bowel cancer. Right now we're 1200 miles away. I was back for a couple of weeks during her op but with 4 kids flying back and forth isn't cheap. My 4 are her only grandchildren and their whole world - normally we live only 4 miles away. I know how hard it is but am thinking they wouldn't do chemo on a 78 year old if there wasn't a point.
What makes it worse is that we're not close and I'm an only child, hence the guilt thing.
I'm sure your dad knows you'd be there if you could - could they travel to see you in between his chemo sessions or would that be too much for him? I know my children enjoy doing paintings etc for granny.
I hope his treatment goes well - it's a horrible time.

bizzi Wed 11-May-05 22:54:02

The children made cards that he received today. Both girls are very arty, as Dad is, so I ought to encourage their love and talent for art for Dad's sake.
Friends are offering to help out with the kids left right and center, I really am lucky but find it hard to capatalize on this. A) I don't want the kids to feel pushed from pillar to post and B) okay everyone's offered, but I feel/find it so hard to ask for assistance.
My fault my downfall, I know.
Thanks for your responses, please help me keep my spirits up.

bizzi Wed 11-May-05 22:56:49

ps; this is my Dad, how lucky am I that this isn't my younger sister, Beep.
200 miles? What's that compared to 1,200 miles.
Your perspectives help, thanks.

dinny Wed 11-May-05 22:58:46

Oh Bizzi, so sorry for you and your dad and family. It's awful being so far away. My dad's currently in hospital with heart problems. You feel so torn, don't you? Can you go to see him at weekends maybe? And take the children? Sure they'll be a tonic for your dad.
Thinking of you xx

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