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My poor mum has had skin cancer and won't go outside with us....

(10 Posts)
gingertoo Sun 14-Jun-09 15:36:19

My mum has recently had skin cancer. The cancer was removed about 6 months ago. She is still being checked every 3 months at the hospital. Since then she has, quite understandably, been very concerned about going out in the sun. Trouble is, she has got to the stage where she will not go out at all. She is refusing all invitations to go out, is doing her gardening at 7.30 in the morning or late in the evening and has even refused to go on holiday (in the uk) with us this year
As I said - her worries are completely understandable considering what she has been through, but it is having a HUGE impact on her life. She is missing out on so many things, including time with the DCs......
I've suggested sunblock, kaftan, hat etc but she's really not keen.
So does anyone have any ideas how I can help my poor mum?

Uriel Sun 14-Jun-09 15:57:53

Could you just let it go for the summer? In time, especially with an all-clear from the hospital, she'll probably relax a lot more.

gigglinggoblin Sun 14-Jun-09 16:06:44

does she have a cancer nurse you could speak to? If you call them they may come round and put her at ease a bit. professionals often have a bit more clout than mere mortals

careergirl Sun 14-Jun-09 16:25:31

i know how she feels am in the same position recently treated for malignant melanoma and still on 3 monthly checks. I will go out but am nervous however use factor 50, a sunhat and sit in shade as much as possible. her confidence is low and time may help her with this - I can understand how she feels. Also speaking to her medical team to get their perspective may help her to have a little more confidence about going out in the sun?

poshtottie Sun 14-Jun-09 17:56:12

I had skin cancer over 20 years ago at 23. It was on my lower back so not even due to been outside though I had used sunbeds now and again.

Though I don't sunbathe I do go out in the sun. I was a very paranoid in the begining but in time I thought if I was careful it was unlikely to come back.

Maybe your mum just needs time.

gingertoo Sun 14-Jun-09 18:06:26

Thanks for your replies - I think you're right - it's early days - maybe I need to give her a little more time to work through this........ DH has just suggested that we postpone going away with her in the summer and maybe go to a cosy cottage somewhere at Oct half term so the DCs still get their hol wtih their Gran (and she with them) I'll suggest that and see what she thinks.

She does have a cancer nurse who's lovely. My mum has a good relationship with him and may, as you say, listen to his perspective more than mine - I'll give him a ring.

Careergirl - it's good to hear your perspective - thank you

It's been hard to see such an outgoing, outdoor-loving, energetic woman disappear into a shell Hopefully time will heal and she'll emerge again. Just wish I could do more

ThingOne Sun 14-Jun-09 19:40:28

I agree it's early days and you just have to give her time. I've had cancer which has left me with body issues. While I know it will be OK at the moment I just don't feel ready to do certain things. I'm fairly confident generally but it really does knock you for six. I'm sure I'll do them next year but I can't just yet. Your mum is still reeling.

A cottage at half term sounds a lovely idea.

careergirl Sun 14-Jun-09 21:32:51

the october holiday sounds a better plan - and this will alleviate some pressure. Your mum will I think get better but it really does knock your confidence and going out when the sun is strong takes a bit of organisation between getting the suncream on and the hat and everything else.
can I recommend something that may make your mum feel a bit more confident? Something like the Solar safe 2 in wristbands - which can be got from any chemist such as boots - you wear the band on your wrist and dab a bit of your sunscreen on them and when you need to apply more cream the band changes colour and tells you. Its a good additional check and the wristbands are very easy to wear just like a watch really. You can also wear the bands on cloudy days and it will warn you if you are being exposed to too much sun. Just gives you a bit more reassurance.

gingertoo Mon 15-Jun-09 09:21:47

That's a brilliant idea careergirl - I hadn't heard of those - thanks so much! I think the extra reassurance of something like that might be just the thing

Thanks for sharing your experiences, ThingOne and careergirl. Hearing from people who have experienced cancer is really helping me to understand what my mum is going through - sending you lots of good wishes as you continue your recovery xx

careergirl Mon 15-Jun-09 21:15:46

you're very welcome best wishes to your mum

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