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How to help my alcoholic partner recover, please help me.

(5 Posts)
debilicious Sat 06-Jun-09 13:49:29


I have name changed because I am embarrassed about this situation.

I have been with my parter for 4 years - during which time we have lived together for extended periods, but also apart as we are from different countries and presently both have commitments in our homes.

Basically, since we met he has had a problem with alcohol. I guess it's not the behaviour I imaged for an alcoholic, but he definitely has a problem. He doesn't feel the need to drink every day, but when he does drink - he always wants to be the last person to leave the party, he always drinks 2-3 times more than he should. He's wet the bed more times than I care to count.

Finally, he accepts that it is out of control - and wants to address it. But how?! Where do we start?

I love him and want to stay with him - and don't blame him for the things he has done, because I think he really suffers from an illness. It is so hard on me though. Especially because we are apart at the moment - I am developing some sort of nervous tick - I never know when I phone him if he will be able to form sentences

He has recently tried to stop drinking completely - but on several occasions resorted to smoking marijuana in social settings instead, because he says he finds it so hard not to drink. He is a musician so 2-3 times a week he is required to be in a bar / club situation until 1-2 AM.

Can he get help from his GP? Possibly an NHS referral to a psychologist? Are there any medications that can help make excessive drinking impossible? Baring in mind money is an issue for us at the moment - not that I don't value this, but we just don't have much money to put towards anything. That in mind, what is the first step to take? What have other people found useful?

I would be so appreciative of any advice.


BlueBumedFly Sat 06-Jun-09 15:18:46

I would head for your local AA. Seriously they are a wonder. A very close member of our extended family is a recovering alcoholic and 7 years down the line they still go to a meeting every week. At the start it was every night. They extend the support network that you need, hand back self esteem and give you all the tools you have to have to deal with this situation. Give them a go, if he feels it is the right course of action then he will have a 'sponsor' who is someone in the group who he can ring whenever he feels be maybe falling off the wagon.

If you go to the website here:
and you can look up a local meeting, there will be one really close to you anywhere in the country and in fact the world and they are open every day of the week.

For you there is Al Anon. This is a brilliant group set up to support the family members, loved ones etc. They offer the support and advice you need when living/dealing with an alcoholic. In some cases when people are living their lives through the addition due to all the worry they can be a life saver.

Please, give them a try. Another friend of mine is not an alcoholic in the sense of the word you or I would imagine, he can go for weeks without drinking but when he does he does to oblivion. He was reticent to go to AA but once he went they really helped him see clearly and he is so much better now. This year alone he has run 2 marathons and a couple of other road races. He was given the strength and support to go out and channel his energies elsewhere and he has really turned his life around.

I hope this will help in someway. You have my total and utter sympathy. xxx

debilicious Sat 06-Jun-09 22:48:11

thank you so much for your help. i'll start calling around.

MIFLAW Mon 08-Jun-09 00:14:43

AA worked for me and is still working over 6 years after my last drink. Fantastic. No regrets.

don't know of anything else that works.

Sorry to be blunt, but wouldn't like to give you false hopes when you are dealing with something as fatal as alcoholism.

Incidentally, I know at least two publicans in AA who presumably spend an awful lot of time in bars and pubs but who do not themselves drink, so that in itslef need not be an obstacle.

Good luck to you both. Let me nkow if I can help in any way.

MIFLAW Mon 08-Jun-09 00:17:19

AA is also completely free which may be good to know if money is an issue.

There are drugs that can hinder excessive drinking, or at least make it very unpleasant - Antabuse is the most famous.

Most serious drinkers therefore promptly stop taking them every time they want a drink ...

Nothing on earth will stop him unless he wants it to work.

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