Kokoshi expat gerbra bladebla HELP just come across our (dead) thread

[walkinthewoods]

Lots of things going on. I will keep posting until I get you!

I have name changed...used to be glowwormish.

Our company went inot liquidation 2 months ago and tbh its a relief. Obviously no money coming in now but hey life is too short for all that shit.

I went to docs with a lump under my chin and exhaustion. Then I had an extended period with cramping and pain in left ovary area. In the meantime I went on hols (first one for years and years).

Got back last week and satrted spotting the other day. Lump still there. Went back to gp's and sh'es going to do a blood test. Amongst ither things it involves a LFT (searched on mn and came across our old thread) . Now am a bit worried about what it will turn up. I have been drinking at much the same rate as normal (bottle a night) however a bit less on hols actually! Can't belive how much I needed a holiday even tho ds was manic.

Now the business is kaputt I have been more an more thinking about abstaining and I have an idea in mind of about late summer. I am going to throw everything at it, hypnotherapy, books, change in routine, relaxation CD's. I am dtermined to do it. Maybe the LFT will give me a bit of a kick but still a bit c=sacred, have my blood test tomorrow.

[walkinthewoods]

bump bump bump I know lacksadaisical is about... come on!

[walkinthewoods]

bumpity bump come on girls lets get this thing going again

[hf128219]

Bump from me too. Fingers crossed re your LFT etc.

[walkinthewoods]

Thanks hf bump bump bump

[hf128219]

More bumps - some wiser MNetters must be around.

[Donk]

bump for you

[Plonketyplonk]

Hello there. I've namechanged too. (BlaDeBla). I've had all sorts of tests for all sorts of things, including liver scans, blood tests, lung x-rays. The list goes on.

Hang on in there. I think the guilt is the worst thing about it all. For god's your sake.

It sounds as though your life is in a bit of a shift at the moment. Please remember to be kind to yourself, whatever it means - it certainly implies not crashing down with guilt about alcohol consumption. If it is the alcohol which is causing the bad feeling (it does), please remember that you will start to feel much better after a couple of days of abstinence.

[walkinthewoods]

Hi plonk

I did feel much better on hols and didn't have that unquenchable thirst that I get in the night. One of my motivations is the fact that I will feel better and LOOK better. God I look about 100 years old, I've wrecked my face

Oh and also will be saving money...

I gave up smoking over 10 years ago and it made me feel so powerful and free from the slave to the fag, so I guess not drinking will be the same.

Plonk what did your tests show up if you don't mind me asking?

[Plonketyplonk]

I have no idea I'm afraid. They were testing for cancer, and the most recent blood test was to check that my meds for colitis are still allowing my kidneys to function.

Well done for stoppping smoking. I stopped for 5.5 years, and have started smoking bits and bobs again. It's pretty revolting and I'm not sure what to do/think about stopping permanently.

Woke up at 4.30am this morning, and getting to know the R4 shedule

[walkinthewoods]

I wonder how much more difficult abstaining will be to giving up smoking. Drinking is much more acceptable and readily available.

Do you wake up early due to dehydration?

[Plonketyplonk]

I don't think it'll be hard to stop drinking unless you are getting the side effects of drinking too much. How did the blood test go?

What are you hoping to do about your drinking? Are you able to stop for a bit to see how you feel?

I don't drink as much as I did, but I am still quite capable of downing far more than is good for me! I find that when I have something that needs concentration, I avoid alcohol like the plague. I've found that even reading a book is good. It alleviates boredom effectively!

I don't often wake up dehydrated. It helps that we live nowhere near a shop and have to buy all our booze at once, and if we run out we run out. It has stopped me in my tracks a few times. I'm not sure I want to stop drinking totally, although sometimes the idea is appealing.

I hope the results of your blood test come back clear.

I find more often that doing things that make me feel better leave me less time to do the things that make me feel like crap. It certainly doesn't work all the time though!

[walkinthewoods]

Blood test will be due in 5 working days. They are testing for
infection
aneamia
glucose
liver funtion
kidney function

Problem is we have a shit load of bottles in the house from DH's work (although its all red..but having said that, not so bad as I can;t drink as much red wine)

I am hoping to completely abstain forever. I know its a tall order but I am an 'all or nothing' type of person. I am hoping that I will feel a heck of a lot better and that will give me the motivation to stay on the wahgon. I know that once I start drinking it is very difficult to stop at any pre-imposed limits.

Its so good that you can avoid drink when you need to. I don;t think I could. I HAVE to have a drink every night and usually about the same. Having said that, due to the red wine in the house I have been drinking less.

Would love for the old thread to start up, perhaps we could kick start it. I will need as much support as poss.

[wigparty]

walkinthewoods...it's gerbra...I'm not going to dive into stuff now {and embarrass myself!}. I'm so sorry to hear about the business...what's the long-term prospect for you?

Please keep chatting. I edged off the thread as I felt detrimental and I also gave up drinking for 3 months...now I'm drinking again but less so, but still out of control sadly...

I am now officially wigparty and I'm still battling the old demons... (I'm still at the point where drink is fun and sociable and drink is a total nightmare...sound familiar?)

Please message back, perhaps we can get the thread up and running...

wig xxxx

[PurpleOne]

I'm still here and lurking. Nice to see everyone here!

Purps x x

[walkinthewoods]

Gerbra/wig and PO

great to see you! Wig, have you managed the smoking? You were on the wagon for 3 months? That's brill. Why did you start again? I'm guessing you felt in control? That's what I'm worried about. Wig why would you embarras yourself?

Purps what are you to? Obviously didn't sleep well last night judging by the time?

My long term prospects, heck, mmmm. Am looking for work (what a fine time to hit the job market or looking for a biz opportunity (but not anything that would require shed loads of money and it has to be in the right sector)

[Plonketyplonk]

I was talking to my counsellor about the having to have something. We were talking about cigarettes, but I guess it's the same with lots of things; food, booze, fags, drugs.... It's not the having that is the problem, it's the not having - the anxiety caused by the not-having, like when you've just run out of fags or matches, and spend all that time searching for some way to smoke. When my eating was horrible, I spent my life in a state of constant anxiety, looking for the next bit of food, and when I got it, that was my relationship.

Sorry, my mind is wandering.

What happens, walkinthewoods, if you don't pick up that first glass of wine? I wonder what other ways there are to deal with the anxiety?

[walkinthewoods]

Plonk

I look at fags and booze as very much a prop for 'something' I don't know the validity of the statement 'addictive personality' but I often think of myself in that way. I can distinctly remember running low on cigs and getting gittery. When I was much younger and poorer I used to smoke dog ends when depserate (my own!) Have been the same with wine.

I also worry that I will replace wine with something else equally distructive.

So what if I don't pick up that first glass of wine, tbh I can't remember the last time I did that! Well it was when pg so I had a major incntive not to so I can't really comment.

I know I would get gittery and I know I would have to do something majorly differnt i.e. not go on pooter (MN) or watch TV.

I have just started growing my own veg as we have moved to a newplace with a greenhouse. I have in mind to go out an potter around whilst its still light in the evening.

I am also going to start to make my own face creams and beauty products so will be getting in the kitchen. Actually I've got lots of little projects.

But to get back to the drinking, I feel I really need to understand what the draw is. I can see where you're coming from, the anxiety of not having. I am scared that I'd miss the warm feeling of the alcohol kicking in and the way my body just relaxes. Evrything feels fine when you've had a drink. I don't want to loose that feeling, it worries me (obviously I KNOW its a false feeling)

Plonk do you feel that counselling really helps? How long have you been at it?

[wigparty]

Walkin, Purple and Plonk - hello

Walkin I didn't want to say any more last night as I had had some wine (well quite a lot) and didn't want to have to read what I'd written the next morning, cringing!

It's so good to hear from everyone, I didn't realise how much I'd missed it...

Walkin, it was surprisingly easy to do the 3 months, even with partner drinking and booze in the house... I prepared myself for it as best I could mentally (how much better I'd feel / look etc.) and stocked up on ginger beer!

2 things struck me: how LONG the evenings were lol and how long I'd been carting around a truck load of guilt associated with drinking.

I can't tell you how good it felt not to wake up with that familiar guilty feeling. I think you'll be surprised by the fact it's not as hard as it might appear to be...if you set a date and get revved up and excited about it...make sure you have other activities/hobbies in place to fill the gap...

Now I'm drinking again, I try really hard to abstain during the week and drink only Fridays and Saturdays, I can't say it always works though!

I think, like you walkin, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Although I'm drinking less now, I'm a very uncomfortable drinker, constantly wondering if I'll have enough, have I had too much, not knowing when to stop [usually when I fall asleep )....and the Guilt.... Drinking is so fraught for me now that I know it would be best to abstain for good.

Plonk what you said hit home with me, I'm so worried that giving up drinking will lead me back to eating disorders (and I find that even harder to live with, it was a total, long, nightmare period of my life), so I guess that's at the back of my mind and hindering any positive thoughts I might have about giving up drinking.

God, sorry, what a ramble! Making up for the months away lol

Sorry to have gone on, but glad to be here . I probably won't post as much as I used to but I'll certainly look in regularly to catch up with everyone...

Hope everyone's having a good weekend
wig x

[wigparty]

God I can't stop now!

Walkin, I meant to say...would it not be an idea to set yourself an initial period of a few months or so...just in case the prospect of abstaining forever seems too big and too daunting...

If you do a few months, you can extend it day by day and still feel in control of things...just a thought...

wig x

[walkinthewoods]

Hi wig

i was thinking exactly the same thin about missing the old thread. I found it HUGELY helpful even though I wasn't going to give up then. It was helpful to explore my feelings with like minded people and not get judged.

Now more than ever I feel I need the help of all of you! Plonk, wig and PO its like meeting up with old friends, so comforting! Don't worry not drunk (just got in from a day out).

Any imput from you all would be good. PO c'mon what are you up to?

[PurpleOne]

In a really really dark place right now. Have managed a few days sober here and there.

I've really missed our old thread. So much has been going on and having to cope with it all on my own with no soft place to fall.....

My life is disgusting. Sorry.

[walkinthewoods]

Purple

Well lets see if we can give you a (virtual) soft place. You don't have to be on your own.

I think having sober days is brilliant and is more than I have managed.

Just type what you need to/however much you need to, to help.

How much are you drinking?

[Plonketyplonk]

How really horrid for you, Purple. You're still hanging in there. Well done.

I know what you mean about 'addictive personalities'. I'm not sure I believe in it. I think possibly that when one's life has been through the mill a bit, and faith in humanity is battered, we often reach out for things that we can 'control'.

I had a bit too much to drink last night, but at least no fags. I have a very horrid cough, and a dribbling nose.

Perhaps this can be the new thread?

[walkinthewoods]

Yes that would be good, or maybe start a new one that indicates a support thread so other people can join?

Plonk a teaspoon of honey is supposed to be just as good as cough mixture. I love olbas oil when I'm sniffly or even when I need pepping up (often in the morning!!!) Quite often I splash it in a steamy shower, its great.

[Plonketyplonk]

I love olbas oil too! I'll contact my gp tomorrow because I think I may have a chest infection. It's horrible coughing and I've been very tired today. Dh asked me not to open another bottle of wine last night, and I agreed. In the past, I would have opened it anyway, and we would have drunk it and opened the one after that, and not drunk it. Perhaps there is a hint of light at the end of the tunnel.

PurpleOne, have you been dried out in hospital at all? I had a friend who tried so many times to stop drinking and got a bit better. There is apparently a drug that can be helpful for alcoholics. It makes drinking boring and ineffective. I haven't read any of the scientific data on it, so it's possible that what I read was just bad journalism.