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Prefering Mummy and 'hating' Daddy when ill

(9 Posts)
Chinchilla Wed 05-Mar-03 18:26:23

Please help! Ds has been ill since Saturday night. He seems to have totally gone off dh since then, and only wants me. Whilst wanting me is not a problem, dh is getting very unhappy about it. Ds will not even look at him, and screams if dh tries to hold him. He does tend to be impatient if ds cries too much, especially if it is in the middle of the night, but at other times he is really loving towards ds. I can't understand ds' hatred towards dh, so has anyone else experienced this? Also, will he get over this when better???

Chinchilla Wed 05-Mar-03 21:13:41

Anyone?

Eowyn Wed 05-Mar-03 21:17:56

My dd has phases of not wanting dh, it has improved recently but was becoming a bit trying. Totally irrational as he is far softer than me. Not very helpful I'm afraid, but we have experienced similar.

Melly Wed 05-Mar-03 21:44:16

Hi Chinchilla, my dd can be a bit like your ds at times, there doesn't seem to be any particular reason for it. Something I have noticed though is that because I'm with dd the majority of the time she gets cuddles and kisses from me when she comes to me for them and also when I feel the need to kiss and cuddle her (which is most of the time because I'm a bit soppy like that!) but I've noticed that my dh sort of expects her to "kiss daddy" when it suits him i.e when he comes home etc but if he's busy and she happens to be whining a bit, he tends to try to ignore her. Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic and loving dad but I have explained to him that he can't then expect dd to provide him with kisses and cuddles to order! I'm sure it is extremely common for babies and toddlers to seem to prefer mummy at certain stages and certainly when they are poorly. How old is your ds? I was only saying to my Auntie today that my dd (at 19 months) has suddenly turned very much into mummy's girl and is really quite clingy, this may be because I'm 35 weeks pregnant or maybe it's just a phase. I'm sure your ds doesn't hate dh and once he is better things will return to normal. Sorry this is a bit waffly and hope it helps a bit.

eemie Thu 06-Mar-03 14:36:37

Our dd was like that when she was admitted to hospital at two and a bit. I stayed with her all the time except when she was taken off for a couple of tests. DH visited constantly and spent hours with us each day.

She was only in for 3 days but by the time we left had to be clamped to my side at all times, would not look at or go to her dad, and tantrummed when he tried to soothe her or do anything for her. It lasted a week and then cleared up completely. I don't think it was anything he was doing, just the way she felt after the upset of being ill.

To put it another way, it wasn't personal - although it felt dreadful for dh at the time. She just regressed to a more babyish clingy stage temporarily. We didn't do anything except pander to her and it cleared up on its own.

breeze Thu 06-Mar-03 14:42:30

Chinchilla,

When DH is around DS hardly knows I exist, DS is 3. As soon as DS gets ill, daddy gets the cold shoulder, big time. He won't let dh near him, screaming blue murder if DH goes anywhere near DS.
DH used to get upset by this, but is so used to it now. My brother still calls my mum when he is not well and he is 32, so not sure he will grow out of it . all the best and hope the little one gets better soon.

breeze Thu 06-Mar-03 15:24:32

Also forgot to add that when DS is ill, Dh is not allowed to get ds a drink, anything to eat, or even turn on his light or pass his teddy. It is like he hates Dh which of course is not the case.

kaz33 Thu 06-Mar-03 17:19:18

Hey don't worry could be worse - when DP is around then my 19 month old DS doesn't know that I exist. Then of course the nanny arrives and she gets a great reception.

Ah well - don't worry, I try not to - its just a stage. He is exercising his power, at the moment he wants mum, especially as he is a little poorly and needs reassurance.

For all my DS's adoration of his dad if he's poorly or tired he would prefer to cuddle up with me.

Chinchilla Fri 07-Mar-03 19:38:46

Update - ds is perfectly well today, and being his usual boisterous self! Loves Daddy again...weird. The only thing I can think of is that he associated dh with feeling unwell. Anyway, all's well that ends well, and I got loads of cuddles

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