i feel in a constant state of anxiety , feel i'm going mad, really getting me down

[winegoddess]

A few years ago i had my first panic attack. Whilst i seem to have more or less got things under control, i feel continually conscious of how i am feeling and whether i am on the brink of another one! Since having my third child i feel my confidence has really gone down hill, no idea why and i seem to fear everything. I either fear saying stupid things and making myself look an idiot, i replay situations and events over and over in my head to make sure i haven't said anything stupid and find it so hard to relax and just be myself. Dh wants to go on holiday and why i am so excited i can't help but feel panic by what if i can't cope with the flight (never had flight problems before) what if i lose it on the plane etc etc. i feel that my fears seem to be spilling out into every aspect of my life. Whats wrong with me? why am i permanently anxious? Having friends over seems to make me nervous, what will i talk about? will i replay the conversation again and again and drive myself mad? Please reassure me that i am not going mad, i just want my confidence back! i feel so unlike myself at the moment.

[winegoddess]

Can anyone give me any advice?

[winegoddess]

I haven't spoken to my gp or hv because i feel too tearful to talk about it. I have thought about hypnosis (if thats how you spell it), have tried accupunture, which did relieve the immense build up of anxiety in my tummy but hasn't stopped the build up happening again 6 weeks on. I am finding it so hard to understand myself, feel i am battling with myself from the moment i wake up, constantly trying to monitor how i'm feeling, it's very tiring.I just want to be confident and carefree again. My ds is 13 months, the anxiety reached a bit of a peak over the summer hols with the anxiety of in and out with 3 children here there and everywhere. I had a panic attack then, which really took me by surprise as i thought i'd got them under control and hadn't had one since 2 years previously. It's such a horrid way to feel

[southeastastra]

panic attacks can take over your life. i had them at about 18 for a year then again in my mid twenties. it's like the fear takes over.

i don't have them now, but they're hard to beat.

[winegoddess]

How do you not have them southeastastra? How do you not live in the fear of having another?

[southeastastra]

i honestly think in a way i just grew out of them how old are you? though i can sense the fear sometimes

[cafebistro]

Ive suffered from panic attacks on and off for years. Sometimes I'm ok and then for no reason I will suffer very badly for a few months. Please go and see your GP. I had CBT while I was pregnant with DS and it helped enormously. In fact I could do with having a second course. I've also taken betablockers prescribed by my GP which really helped take the edge off my panicy feelings.

[winegoddess]

I'm 30 so can't believe i've gone through quite a big part of my life without them and suddenly here i am! It started with just driving but now i seem to relay that fear to most circumstances.

[southeastastra]

i've had a couple whilst driving too, they're very scary, i was very ashamed to admit to having them so didn't and coped on my own.

do wonder if they're hormone related

[winegoddess]

Southeastastra - funny you should say that because they are so much worse before during and for a few days after my period. They started when i was on a particular pill and strangely when i looked back at the side effects, that was one of them! They haven't truly left me since, despite stopping that pill and any pill for that matter

[cafebistro]

That is a good point about being hormone related Southeast. My panic attacks and anxiety really improved when I was pregnant( I had CBT then because my Dr wanted me to stop taking the betablockers I was on). I dont know if this was because I was distracted because of the pregancy, because I didnt drink- I always suffer more with a hangover- or because of my hormones?

[winegoddess]

I to am so much better when i haven't been drinking and my panic was almost non existent when pregnant too! Can anyone recommend a really helpful book or audio cd? Are there any good selfhelp techniques? Really don't feel ready to go to the dr at the moment, want to try to feel i can deal with this.

[southeastastra]

hangovers can cause a panic attack ime lots of times!

[OrmIrian]

I'm like that atm. I have quite a stressful life I suppose but no more than it was a year ago. It's horible. I feel so out of control. I wondered if it was menopause related, or thyroid, but blood tests say no. Whatever the cause I can't take it anymore and am taking citalopram. Anxiety toned down a lot, but am now so sleepy. But much much better.

Hope you find some resolution soon.

[LadyBabo]

Have you tried Paul McKennas Instant Confidence?
I am leafing through it at the moment, and even tho I haven't started doing the exercises I can feel the difference.

I spend a lot of the day wondering if I have food poisoning, or a tummy bug, or acid indigestion etc, I seem to hold my anxiety in my stomach!

Funnily enough I am a student complementary therapist and I specialise in helping people with anxiety issues and / or depression! Lol!
Can't take my own advice I suppose.

[Nikkiemadisonandbump]

Hiya,
I have been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety for over a year now, but it all came to a head in April when I had the mother of all panic attacks, it got so bad I couldn't even go into my own back garden for fear something bad would happen, I tried to deal with it on my own from when it started in the july before, but I couldnt take it anymore and I just popped and told everyone, I had CBT and counceling, and now I feel so much better, well sometimes I do, occasionally I feel like I have one coming on, but its the fear of having one that actually gets me panicing, totally irrational I know, but just wanted you to know it will get easier with time.
I was taught to breathe and count to try and "distract" myself I breathe in 1-2-3 and breathe out 3-2-1, I find that really effective, even do it when I struggle to sleep.
I also ALWAYS wear a hearband round my wrist , when I feel anxious I "ping" it and that distracts me!
I've got loads more techniques, if you wanna chat let me know and I'll give you my email Big Love! YOu'll be ok! I promise!

[winegoddess]

Once in bed i am zonked but probably only get about 6 hours and thats not always undisturbed. Although i like the idea of a self help book i do worry (there we go again!) that reading about it or talking about it will only make it worse. I do feel that it is using up all my energy at the moment and i seem so preocupied by my thoughts. I want to be carefree and relaxed.

[southeastastra]

something to fiddle with as nikkie said a wristband can take your mind off things.

it's an awful thing to go through, i've had some panic attacks on the london tube. they were terrifying.

you have to have confidence within yourself to overcome them. i wish you good vibes

[cafebistro]

Winegoddess- I hid the fact I was having panic attacks for a long time. I thought that I could cope on my own and that I would be able to get them under control. What I didnt know at the time was that everyone around me knew that there was something wrong but didnt know what- the fact that my hands shook constantly was a dead give away that all was not well ( I think my colleagues actually thought I had a drink or drug problem!) If I'd have just asked for help I could have saved myself months/years of misery. In the end I completely fell apart and went to my GP as I couldnt even function on a basic level. I sat there and cried and told her things I hadnt been able to tell anyone. I left the surgery and felt like a weight had been lifted off me.
I suppose what Im trying to say is dont try and deal with this alone. By all means get a self help book- this will help you understand where the panicy feelings come from and coping mechanisms- but also see your GP and ask to be refered for CBT or counselling of some sort. Medication might also help at the moment until you feel more yourself.

[winegoddess]

I like the sound of the wristband - i'm going to try that one. I've got Paul Mckennas cd but haven't really made the time for myself, not always easy with 3 kids.I'll give that another try before the book, on second thoughts i think i'll get the book too.

[LuLuMacGloo]

After I had dd I had a weird panicky/depression/feeling of gloom period which in the end drove me to the docs. Fortunately they were v sympathetic and referred me to hypnotherapy. The therapist (a GP) told me that I had a hyper-stimulated panic response (a result of two v panicky births) and so had programmed myself to always think the worst. For example - when crossing a road my expectation was that we would all be mown down by a random drunken trucker. Or every time the phone rang I suspected that it would be news that someone had died. It seems barking now that I look back on it but at the time it was very real. The docs explanation was that my brain had been conditioned to expect the worst and so (understandably) generated the worst case scenario in any given situation. I had hypnotherapy and it really, really helped (although I didn't complete the course and wish I had). I still have the odd resurgence of doom (hence my wish that I had finished the course of therapy) but knowing what caused it really helped. It sounds like you have the same kind of thing.

I know I was lucky because the health visitor was very up on this kind of thing, and the GP had taken a sabbatical to research it but it might be worth researching options for treatment in your area. The proper diagnosis which I had was hyper-vigilism (sp?). But it helped me hugely even to know that it had a name and that it was a really sensible (if debilitating!) reaction to 'emergency' situations!