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i think i was attacked. i was drunk & can't remember. not feeling great

(117 Posts)
superfrenchie1 Sat 04-Oct-08 11:45:32

i rarely post on mn but i am so stressed about this i really need to get it off my chest. i am a wreck, shaking and shivering. sorry i will try to be as concise as possible. this is what happened to me last friday...

went out after work starting at 6pm, drank quite a lot (so did everyone else), no food, great time, got to about 11.30 and realised i was pretty drunk & wobbly and didn't need any more to drink so told a couple of colleagues and they helped me out to the cab rank (they were also v drunk) all my colleagues - i work for a very young company all aged 25 - 30 - stayed out til 2am, all very drunk. i am 29 btw and the only one with kids, not that that matters.

i remember being on the main road near my house having an argument, which is very unlike me - someone was being very aggressive and i was saying "stop! you'll kill me! i've got two little children!" that was at 1am. possibly because i had got into a cab without cash and asked the driver to stop at a cashpoint. (i did have cash and would have paid - it was payday, i had money and bank cards etc)

at 4am dp let me into our flat, he found me in the communal area with my jeans around my knees and covered in bruises and blood. turns out i have a broken cheekbone, cnojunctival haemmorhage, huge dark red black eye which is so swollen i can hardly open it, severe swelling and bruising - i look horrendous. nothing was missing / stolen.

feel so bad that my kids had to see me this way. i don't go out that often; this was a rare work night out, i had a great time in the bar and everyone says i was great fun and on good form. i remember snippets of being in the bar but have no idea what happened to me between 1 and 4am & i can't remember how i sustained these injuries. i have worked from home this week because i look so gross. my colleagues are really shocked. dp is disgusted with me and thinks it's all my fault, he hasn't been sympathetic at all, the opposite in fact.

have reported to police and they are looking for cctv footage but said that there is not really any evidence that there has been a crime. been to hospital and been x-rayed etc and have follow-up appt to drain blood from big swollen blood clot in cheek. also am in touch with victim support and am meeting one of their volunteers next week to chat for an hour.

i don't know how i feel about this. i feel so embarrassed and as though it's all my fault. i don't even know if i was attacked or not - maybe i just fell and hit my head and passed out for a bit. or maybe i was beaten and raped. i guess i'll need to do pregnancy & STD tests at some point - hopefully victim support can advise about this

i am so depressed (unlike me - i am ALWAYS happy) and feel like the worst mother in the world. plus i want dp to fall off a cliff, he's been horrid and abusive for a while and this feels like the final straw.
i have to go back into the office on monday & feel really self conscious (have been wearing sunglasses 24/7) and don't know how to answer when people ask what happened

any idea what i can do to help myself?

sorry for rambling

i'll be offline today as going out but will check back again when i can. any help really appreciated

TheArmadillo Sat 04-Oct-08 11:51:56

oh that all sounds horrible - no wonder you are finding it hard, especially if your dp is being no support.

Hope the police turn something up.

What is your dp like usually - you say he is horrid and abusive - how?

When people ask tell them you don't want to talk about it. You don't have to give them any information you don't want to.

chequers Sat 04-Oct-08 11:52:47

Firstly, I am so sorry.

Secondly, this is not your fault. Plenty of people drink too much, this does not give someone else licence to attack them (if this is what has happened).

Have you tried speaking to someone like Rape Crisis (I know you may not have been raped, but they will be able to support you and couple possibly assist with putting the pieces back together).

Thirdly, I'm disgusted by the attitude of the police - it does very much sound as if you have been a victim of a crime (possibly a very serious one) and they are duty-bound to investigate. I can't see how your trousers could be round your knees as a result of a fall. Did they take photographs, keep any of your clothing? Have you washed the clothing since Friday? I think you need to contact them again, perhaps victim support can assist with this.

I am so sorry, you are not a bad mother, is there anyone around other than DP who can support you?

foxinsocks Sat 04-Oct-08 11:53:42

well first of all dp is an utter twat

second of all, did they not do a rape exam at the hospital?

and cor woman, it isn't your fault you poor thing. Something happened, whatever it was.

AbstractMouse Sat 04-Oct-08 11:54:30

Omg sorry not much advice but that is awful, did they do a rape kit on you? examine you? It's not your fault, doesn't matter that you were drunk, it's the person that attacked you that is to blame.

Do you have anyone else to support you? and maybe look into counseling in the near future.

beanieb Sat 04-Oct-08 11:54:59

Oh you poor thing.

"dp is disgusted with me and thinks it's all my fault, he hasn't been sympathetic at all, the opposite in fact" this is really really horrible. You need support and I hope you get it.

Also you say "have reported to police and they are looking for cctv footage but said that there is not really any evidence that there has been a crime" ... you have a broken cheekbone! Is this not evidence enough? Has anyone even taken any swabs?

lissielouisscaredofthedark Sat 04-Oct-08 11:58:25

god, how horrendous. you poor thing!

tbh, it sounds to me like your drink was spiked. if you were sober enough to realise that it was time to go home then you wouldnt have lost whole blocks of night in this way.

cant believe your (d)p is being like this. agree contact victim support.

Threadworrm Sat 04-Oct-08 12:00:17

Huge sympathy to you. It is not your fault. I'm sorry I have no advice. I'm sure you will get good support here and at the victim support place -- support that you wholly deserve, you poor thing.

herbietea Sat 04-Oct-08 12:04:20

Message withdrawn

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sat 04-Oct-08 12:19:36

It was not in anyway your fault. Lots of mothers go out and drink and occassionally it goes too far. I know I have been guilty of that in past.

Your dp sounds like an arse. He should be supporing you through this. Being drunk does not mean it is okay for people to attack you.

rydercup Sat 04-Oct-08 12:29:01 sorry to hear what has happened to you. I am finding your partners reaction very disturbing however........thinking about it. If I came across a total 'stranger' in the condition you have described yourself in I would be horrified and have called the police etc...this is supposed to be your partner somebody who loves you and yet he is 'disgusted with you and thinks its all your fault'. I really hope you manage to get the support that you obviously need......sending you virtual hugs myself - nobody should have to go through something like this.

Notreallycoping Sat 04-Oct-08 12:37:19

Am I the only one here who is thinking it could have been your own partner? sadhmm

Whichever way, he is not being kind and that's not fair.

I agree that you should have been examined by the police Dr to establish whether you were sexually assaulted,but from the way you were found it does sound quite likely sad

I am sorry and hope you will come back later and let us help you. x

rydercup Sat 04-Oct-08 12:41:13

That thought did enter my mind...I just can't get my head around his peculiar reaction...... nor the ploice for that matter either....

superfrenchie1 Sat 04-Oct-08 13:18:45

thanks everyone. i know logically it was not my fault and i did not deserve it - whatever 'it' is.

i went to a&e on the sunday and they looked at my face but i did not tell them about the trousers round my knees. so they just sent me to a different hosp on tues for the cheekbone. the police want to test me for rohypnol in 4-6 weeks (when it comes out in your hair apparently). i washed my clothes and had a hot bath the following morning and did not tell the police about the trousers thing until 4 days later. was stupidly too embarrassed before then. the police have been quite nice and are looking into cctv - they seem to want to help.

yes dp is not being great at the moment, we've not slept together for 2 yrs and sleep in separate rooms, that is a whole other problem...! he calls me fat, doesn't appreciate me, etc. but i don't think he did this.

thanks so much - really great not to feel alone - i knew mn would help. i need to sort my head out. insticnt is to put it behind me and get back to normal and move on but i kind of need to figure out how i feel about it all first. it's really scary though... take care out there... xx

MarkStretch Sat 04-Oct-08 13:22:11

Super- I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You could try Victim Support, it might help to talk it through with someone.

superfrenchie1 Sat 04-Oct-08 13:24:48

and yes i will come back later maybe when the kids are asleep or whenever i get 5 mins. i have spoken to friends about it but you know what it's like, they are busy and have their own lives. none of them have kids. my colleagues have been lovely. house is full of flowers, they all signed a get well soon card & i saw them for lunch yesterday.

thank you so much for the support and good suggestions. ok on with the sunglasses, we're off out to an art gallery to play happy families, i don't feel like it but dp is insisting we get out of the house, he may be right about that... thank you xx

Notreallycoping Sat 04-Oct-08 13:29:31

Relieved you don't feel he was involved, I am sorry to have mentioned it.

I am also glad you have some RL support and that the police have been good. A lot of women who are attacked feel similarly ashamed and too upset to disclose the more sordid details so please don't feel bad about that. You did all that could be expected of you in the circumstances. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Take care x

CrushWithEyeliner Sat 04-Oct-08 13:30:54

I think you may have been spiked. I am horrified at the attitude of the police and your DP.

You poor poor thing. I think you may get some flashbacks at some point. I think you need professional help for what you have been through.

Take care xxx

hereorthere Sat 04-Oct-08 13:31:44

It's absolutely not your fault. Many, many mothers enjoy a good night out every now and again and that doesn't make you a bad mother. No expects to be beaten up or worse.

You really do need to get some proper support and perhaps some counselling to 'sort it out' in your head. You need to believe it wasn't your fault before you can even begin to move on. You also need to tell someone about the potential sexual attack.

I'm sorry you've had this experience. Much hugs xxx

rydercup Sat 04-Oct-08 13:32:09

Yes me too!! Take very good care of need too. You know you can always come on here to chat.

kormachameleon Sat 04-Oct-08 13:32:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notreallycoping Sat 04-Oct-08 13:36:07

I think she has told the police about the jeans thing already but not sure if they have taken it seriously enouygh.

Overmydeadbody Sat 04-Oct-08 13:36:15

Are you sure it wasn't your dp?

Spidermama Sat 04-Oct-08 13:40:35

Really sorry to hear about this. I don't think it would be a good idea to push it into the background and move on because I don't think it's the kind of thing which will vanish. It will weave its way back into your conciousness somehow or other and you need to do what you can to work out what happened and make peace with it.

Perhaps your DP needs help too. He's certainly not much help to you at the moment and that's a great, great pity.

As others have said and as you've acknowleged yourself, you have nothing to be ashamed about. You had too much to drink. That was it. We ALL have too much to drink now and again.

If someone has assaulted you then this is very serious and they've wronged you really, really badly. You need help to try to recall what has gone on. Your DP needs a kick up the arse. Show him the thread perhaps. He needs to support you.

Very best of luck. x

MoonlightMcKenzie Sat 04-Oct-08 13:42:26

You say you don't 'think' it was him. Most of us would be bloody certain it wasn't our dp.

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