Am I an alcoholic?

[problematic]

I drink behind my husbands back and hide it from him.....

[expatinscotland]

Um, that doesn't make you an alcoholic. Is he teetotal and you feel badly about drinking any alcohol at all?

[vict17]

I think if you feel that you have to hide it from him you must have some kind of issue with it. How much do you drink?

[problematic]

This is very hard for me because my mum was one. Sometimes (maybe twice a week) I will go have a glass of wine with my collegues after work. He does not want me to and says I have to wait till he gets home before I touch alcohol. He says if I am not an alcoholic, then for the sake of our marriage this should not be a problem. Only thing is - I still do it. So do I put alcohol above him?

[problematic]

We have two glasses of wine every night with our food. Sometimes (on a weekend) I will have three or four. I do not go to bars. I have this at home.

[expatinscotland]

A glass of wine a couple of times after work? Honey, it sounds like HE is the one w/the problem; not you.

[granarybeck]

what is the reaon you hide it from him? do you hide all drinking or just the amount?

[colditzmum]

is this about a need for alcohol or a need for your actions not to be controlled by your husband? Becauwse I don't think one drink before coming home signifies an alcohol problem. Does he say why he doesn't want you to drink?

[problematic]

I hide the drinking - not the amount, if he "catches" me out, I wont lie about it

[problematic]

He says he hates to kiss a woman hello who stinks of alcohol

[MummytoSteven]

does he ever drink when he is not with you?

nothing you has said makes me feel you have a particular problem with alcohol. it probably would do you good to have a few alcohol free days a week tho.

i do wonder how far it is a control thing by your DH

[problematic]

I look forward to him staying away a night every now and then - then I dont have a drink at work, I will go home and have a glass of wine while cooking the food - I love doing that. I cannot remember ever being "drunk", just tipsy and relaxed, I have quite a hectic schedule (same as many other mums I guess)

[alicatsg]

sounds like a control issue to me. Although to be honest lying about it isn't a good idea as its a) making you guilty and b) making him more likely to try to control you.

[problematic]

He works till 7pm then drives 1 hour to get home, so he has no chance to have a drink. But if I am working a day and he is not, he will have a drink, also never abuses.

[problematic]

As I am sure you all know - schedule is as follows: 8am - 9am, get ready for work, feed dd and get her ready for nursery. 9am - 6pm, working woman, 7 pm - 9.30 pm, cooking cleaning and sorting out & entertaining dd. So for me, between 6 and 7 pm is the only time I can be ME, no one to report to, look after, answer to. I like to relax before I go home and start being a mother and wife again......

[alicatsg]

I'm jealous of that hour problematic (I'm commuting then). Has anyone in dh's family had a prob with alcohol? could that be at the heart of it? or an ex?

[JanH]

It sounds as if he might be concerned because of your mum...presumably you've tried discussing it with him and told him how much you enjoy that hour?

[amynnixmum]

Agree with the others that this sounds like his problem rather than yours. You don't need his permssion to have a drink. Why is he so against you having a drink after work anyway?

[problematic]

Hmm - he does not know about the hour cause I hide it from him, tell him i work till 6:30 then go get dd. I wish now I had never told him about my mother. He is 10 years older than and a very jealous man, I think it has more to do with him not wanting me to "sit in a bar" with someone other than him.

[expatinscotland]

Prob,
You just answered your own question w/your last post there.

[problematic]

He used to enjoy us sitting and relaxing outside with a glass of wine - lately he treats alcohol like a disease (will drink it though)and makes really nasty comments all the time. The other day we went to his friends and had coffee - on the way back he said "thanx for coming with, I know they not your type of people cause they dont drink"!!! That had never even crossed my mind.

[amynnixmum]

Well it sounds as though keeping it a secret is making you feel uncomfrotable so why don't you tell him about it. You don't have to admit you lied before if you think it will cause too much trouble but could just say that you are going to do this from now on.

[problematic]

So what do I do expat? He is making me feel like a full blown alcoholic - so much so I had to change my name out of embarresment to discuss this with you.

[problematic]

If I tell him thats what I do, he will end the marriage - I dont doubt that for a minute, but I do ssssoooooooooo enjoy relaxing with people my age every now and then.

[JanH]

It's not the alcohol that's the problem then, is it?

[amynnixmum]

If he would end your marriage over a couple of drinks after work then I would seriously question his commitment to you anyway. He sounds very controlling. Sounds like he has some pretty serious issues with alcohol himself.