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Please tell me about your experience of having a termination

(73 Posts)
electra Wed 06-Aug-08 10:32:16

If you feel you can post about it I would appreciate it. A few weeks ago my coil fell out and I am now pg.

I am trying to figure out the best thing to do but would like to know about terminations - was it traumatic for you? How did you feel afterwards?

Sorry, know this is sensitive but it would help if you could post your experiences...

tooprivate Wed 06-Aug-08 10:45:12

I am really sorry that you're faced with this.

ImnotOK Wed 06-Aug-08 10:50:28

I had one 8 years ago (the baby wouldn't have lived if it had been born )

I was 15 weeks and was given a tablet then had to go back to hospital 2 days later and was given some more tablets and a pessary .
I started to bleed about 30 mins later and lost the baby 2 hours later ,a nurse checked me over with a speculam and made sure everything was gone.
They made me eat a sandwich and have a drink then I had to have a wee ,after tehy let me go home.
I slept the rest of the day and had painful cramps for about a week after (a bit like afterpains).

Sorry you have to go through this hope you will be ok xxx

tooprivate Wed 06-Aug-08 10:51:53

Okay- that last message was to check my name change worked as I don't want to post under reg name.

I know of several women that have had terminations and have felt fine afterwards- a bit sad, but that it was the right thing to do.

I had one at 23, with the man who is now the father of all my children so situation is maybe different.
In all honesty, I completely feel apart afterwards and didn't cope well at all.
I deeply regret it and to some extent it has coloured the rest of my life so far.

It was done at Marie Stopes and the staff were fantastic- just my own self hatred afterwards.
This is probably a really unhelpful post, but wanted to be honest.
I am still not anti abortion though- for some women it is absolutely the right thing, for the sake of other children already born.

You can ask me anything- I don't mind, not sure what you wanted to know and sorry if I have upset you.X

sandy4 Wed 06-Aug-08 10:51:54

Hello electra, I had a termination a few years ago at 9 weeks, when ds3 was a year old. I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant that I didn't want another child. Although dp would have loved another I didn't feel able to cope.

I wanted the whole thing to be over asap & felt relief when it was over. I did have a wobbly moment when i had the scan though to confirm how many weeks I was sad

sorry you are going through this sad hth.

Tinkerisdead Wed 06-Aug-08 10:53:36

I dont mind posting about mine, I think i was co-erced into my termination at 23 by my ex. I was 11 weeks +4 when I had it done. I had it on the nhs and had to wait from 6 weeks to 11 weeks which was absolutely horrendous, i had morning sickness etc and experiencing severe symptoms of pregnancy was very difficult to deal with.

I did feel pressured into having a termination and at the time, i genuinely thought medical staff would really push me to check i was making the right decision. they didnt, although i had a counselling session, they just asked why i wanted a termination really. Much of it passed in a blur. I did however have a bad experience in that i had a heavy bleed afterwards and collapsed, that is RARE!

Afterwards, i found it very very difficult to deal with. I had felt very pressured into making decision that perhaps wasnt right for me, but didnt really know my options about going it alone with a baby. I broke down at work one day and was put on prozac, i then got referred to a pregnancy loss counsellor which helped. they gave me a book called sometimes love means letting go which talks about how often you do something which you feel is for the best for the right reasons, no matter how hard. I did harbour a lot of feelings for a long time, i would light a candle for my baby in the local cathedral and apologise for not being strong enough to see it through.

I think my problems were caused by the waiting for the procedure and the way i was pressured into it. i should have sought help from counsellors before i made the decision and explored all my options.

good luck with whatever you decide but ensure you talk to someone now and make the choice that is right for you and no-one else.

blackcoffeenosugar Wed 06-Aug-08 10:55:59

It was the right thing to do ( medically). It wasn't traumatic, during or afterwards.
( having said this .. there wasn't a lot of options for me )

ladynewname Wed 06-Aug-08 10:57:15

I had a termination 6 years ago. I was 22 and still living at my mums. My dp (now my dh) had just lost his job and was living in a shared house with mates. I was a student. At first we were both so excited, but then the reality sank in and we realised we couldn't support a child.

I went to a private clinic and had the termination pill. You take two pills a couple of days apart. After taking the second pill I was admitted to the clinic and had lots of stomach cramps and felt as if I needed to go to the loo. One of the nurses told me off for going to the loo, as we had these cardboard bedpans. It was an early termination - not sure exactly how many weeks, about 7.

I did see the sac come away and had to show it to the nurses. Sorry to post this, but I was not prepared for that.

Afterwards I had some bleeding, like a heavy period.

It was emotionally very difficult and I still cry about it sometimes, although it has got easier. I have 2 dcs now and we are a very happy family.

Not an easy thing to go through. I'm sorry you are in this position.

ladynewname Wed 06-Aug-08 11:06:02

I do want to add that I do regret the termination I had, even though we were not in a good position to support a baby. Sorry if this is unhelpful, but you asked for honest experiences. I think it changed my perception of who I am sad However I have healed a lot of the pain I felt back then and I know for some women it is not this traumatic.

Flightputsonahat Wed 06-Aug-08 11:14:59

I haven't had one but considered it both times...I must have made about 5 appointments last time, and cancelled them all. Everyone I knew, family, partner (now ex) and even my own brain told me to get rid.
However I just could not bring myself to and now am glad as I would never have known the little dear who is ds2.
I hated the baby all through the pregnancy as I hated its father - but when he was born I loved him an awful lot smile

I never could imagine how it might have a fall out afterwards, had I gone through with it - they warned me about this - but I think if you're not sure, it's more likely to make you feel bad.

I am I have to confess, anti abortion, not absolutely in a political sense but in myself, and I am always disappointed when I see people take that decision. But that doesn't mean I'm right, it just upsets me.

I hope you can find a way to get through this situation however you can, and in a way that is best for you and your children xx

RegularGoneAnon Wed 06-Aug-08 11:22:13

I had a termination about 8 years ago - wasn't in a relationship with the father and I was out of work and living with my parents, and it felt like an impossible situation to bring a child into. Had it done at Marie Stopes, it was all very brisk and efficient but not much compassion (not that I felt I deserved any). The procedure itself was painful - felt like very bad period cramps, but I went for no sedation or anything because that was the quickest option.

Felt sad afterwards for a long time especially around the time it would have been due, but it did eventually become something I didn't think about every day.

Am pregnant now and it has thrown up some uncomfortable feelings again, especially the early scans, and my husband doesn't know about it which I'm unhappy about but I can't imagine telling him now.

I regret that I was stupid enough to have to have it done, but not that I did have it done, if that makes sense.

I had one at Marie Stopes 18 years ago. I wasw only 17 and put into a ward full of women ranging from younger than me to looking like they were older than my mum.

I had a general anaesthetic and felt quite woozy for a while afterwards. One of the 'older' women could be heard telling the nurses that she didn't even want a local anaesthetic and it was her 5th termination and she new what to expect !! She was the last woman taken down to the theatre but also the first to leave the ward !

mindalina Wed 06-Aug-08 11:33:09

I am so sorry to hear you are faced with this decision.

I fell pregnant at 18 and chose to terminate because frankly I thought I would have been a crap mother and neither DP or I were able to really support ourselves/a family (were both still at college and not working). It was definitely the right decision for me, I knew that all along and tbh having a child since has made me even more certain it was the right decision.

That said it was hard, I did feel very sad about although I never even entertained the option of continuing with the pregnancy. It was difficult to deal with afterwards, not so much physically (bad cramps, heavy bleeding - lasted a week or two max for me) but hormonally I was up the wall and mentally I was a real mess - very sad and weepy - for several months afterwards.

I identify a lot with what RegularGoneAnon said, I regret that I got myself into that situation in the first place rather than regretting the termination itself. It is a really hard decision to make (whichever option you take) but knowing that you are doing the right thing for you is, I think, what gets you through. Best wishes.

emma1977 Wed 06-Aug-08 11:41:34

The main deciding factors in how a lot of women 'cope' after having a termination is whether they were actively trying to avoid pregnancy when it happened (i.e. failed contraception), whether they feel coerced into having a termination and how long they had to wait until the procedure.

Women who feel it was the correct decision for them at that time tend to fare far better.

You should be offered counselling prior to making any final decisions to help you weigh up the options.

The procedure itself is reasonably straightforward if you are under 9 weeks, as it tends to involve no anaesthestic and instead uses drugs to bring on a miscarriage.

ByTheSea Wed 06-Aug-08 11:44:58

I had a termination when I was 17 and one when I was 25 in the USA. Both cases were failures in my birth control and the pregnancies were discovered and the terminations performed very early. Both times I was not ready to have a baby and was very focused on my education and then my career at the time, nor did I want a baby with the fathers and in both cases, I felt incredible relief and still believe I made the right choice for me at the time. On occasion, I wonder how my life might have turned out, but I certainly would not have the wonderful DC I have now, including the two I did not birth but am raising, had I not had these as my life would have taken a very different path. I don't think I could have terminated a pregnancy once I was a mother already, so I was in a very different situation to you. HTH -- it's got to be your choice and it is a difficult one.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Wed 06-Aug-08 11:52:26

TBH I think the mechanics of the op are the least of your worries and everyone would have had a different experience.

You need to decide if you want this baby or not first and then worry about the op, imo.

girlnextdoor Wed 06-Aug-08 12:52:46

I have no experience personally, but Ihave a very close friend who went through it.

She took drugs for it- it worked in a couple of days.

She had the termination because she felt her marriage was going nowhere and it was likely they would split.

Year later they are still together and it is a sore point.
You have to ask- how will you cope financially?
Is it fair that this man is a father and won't know- if you keep the child?
How much do you care for him? If the child has aspects of his personality or looks, how will you feel?
what positive reasons are there for keeping it, given it was an accident?

I hope you make the right decision for you.

tooprivate Wed 06-Aug-08 13:03:53

I do think it would be easier if done early- mine was at 11 weeks as had to wait 3.5 weeks on nhs. It was utter hell and like the other poster said, if you are experiencing sickness etc- it is awful, a constant reminder.I had general anaesthetic as I couldn't cope with being awake. You need to prepare yourself for dating scan etc- that is hard. If you know the worst bits- it might prepare you more. I know that you need to think this through and it is a huge decision, but don't take too long.Don't be hard on yourself- you are thinking of other people in your life.

electra Wed 06-Aug-08 13:15:11

Thanks so much for posting your experiences for me. It's very kind of you all to share them.

electra Wed 06-Aug-08 13:41:16

My situation is complicated by the fact that I have had mental health problems and currently take quetiapine which the doctor has told me to stop if I want to continue the pregnancy.

cecilie Wed 06-Aug-08 13:42:06

Hi

I had two children at the time (one who was 3 and one at 1 years) and I fell pregnant by using 'withdrawl' - yes I know stupid, but there you go. I was waiting to have a coil fitted and the waiting list in my area was so long so took over a month to get an appointment.

Anyway we did not want any more children. I contacted Marie Stopes as soon as I found out and got an appointment straight away. I used the medical pill method. I was really upset before/during, but it was not painful or even uncomfortable, just emotional.

However, once it was finished I was fine, relived even, and i have not regretted it. It was the right decision for us. It was not an easy option or something that I took lightly but it was best for all concerned.

Regards,
Cecilie

FioFio Wed 06-Aug-08 13:46:44

Message withdrawn

electra Wed 06-Aug-08 17:58:04

Hi Fio, I have to speak to my psychiatrist. Ironically though I was most stable emotionally when pg, children very small and this is something observed by friends / relatives too. My psychiatrist said that pg hormones have a stabilising effect.

BlaDeBla Wed 06-Aug-08 19:53:42

I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago, but the coil stayed in. It was horrible having to try to make a decision that I didn't really feel was mine to make. The family planning were fantastic. I miscarried after a few harrowing weeks of not knowing what to do. My hormones fell off, and I felt sooo much better! It may be worthwhile to talk to a pg councellor about it if a termination is the only way forward.

I hope you have a good shrink! I had a really good one when I was pg, but I can no longer go to her since I no longer live in the same place. I could have done with talking to her.

lucyellensmum Wed 06-Aug-08 20:54:00

When i got pregnant with DD1, i was 18 and living with my parents. The father didnt want to know. I was misdiagnosed as NOT pregnant and by the time i found out i was actually pregnant (i have very irregular periods) it was too late to do anything so the choice was taken away from me. I can't honestly say what i would have done but i can tell you that i THANK GOD every single day that i didn't terminate.

15 years later, just finishing my PhD i fell pregnant again shock long term partner 13 years, we were happy as we were, children NOT on the cards. Just getting my life back. I KNEW i couldn't even consider a termination, i don;t know why. Its not been easy actually, it was much easier with DD1 but the thought of my DD not being in my life is terrifying.

Im just showing that actually, those little accidents can turn out ok, im a strong believer in fate and i think you will make the right decision for you and your family. I don't know what that decision is but just trust your gut feelings, talk to your DH. I do think from what i have read here it is more a question of whether or not you want the baby rather than the procedure which, whilst it looks unpleasant, is not terrible, iyswim.

I think so long as whatever you decide you are as sure you can be, you will be happy.

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