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how would you approach telling your mum

(14 Posts)
hermykne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:34:10

that she drinks too much and is overweight?
with sensitivity and concern.

Podrick Sun 20-Jul-08 12:35:31

I cannot imagine she is not already aware of both issues.

Being more supportive to her in general might be what she needs?

hermykne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:38:47

podrick, i think she drinks because her partner does, and i dont want to tread on her toes incase she assumes i am getting at him more so than being concerned for her wellbeing.

you know i dont think she thinks 3 bottles a night isnt that bad..between them

hermykne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:39:46

can i say it to her directly or is that not a good idea? my husband thinks i cant she ll take it the wrong way .

cadelaide Sun 20-Jul-08 12:42:21

You talk about your feelings on the matter, so not "you are drinking too much" but "I worry Mum about how much you drink, I feel scared that you're going to get ill".

That kind of thing.

girlnextdoor Sun 20-Jul-08 12:43:02

which is the wrong way?

I can't see that pussy-footing around will achieve anything. If you think it she will take it as a criticism of her bf, then you should say "Mum this is not a criticism of your bf, but I am worried about YOU".

Simple- but she IS an adult and although you are worried, it is up to her what she does.

MeMySonAndI Sun 20-Jul-08 12:43:30

My mother is overweight and this has caused severe problems to her health. The more people tell her about it (be family, or doctors) the more anxious/annoyed she gets and the more she eats.

girlnextdoor Sun 20-Jul-08 12:44:54

mmson- has anyone suggested your mum has counselling or CBT? She needs to cope with whatever is making her overeat- all weight issues are emotionally-driven. Tackling those is the answer.

hermykne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:46:08

cadelaide - thank you thats the line i need.

girlnxtdr and memyson&i true and thats what i am anxious about.

thanks this is helping me get my approach hopefully right

Podrick Sun 20-Jul-08 12:46:50

Would recommend you don't talk to her about it directly...how about you ask her how she is feeling, if she is feeling tired then start talking about a healthy lifestyle initiative that you could both do?

Or tell her you want to go to weightwatchers & will she come with you for moral support & to help you stay motivated(may not work if you are already size zero aerobics instructor though!).

She is drinking enough that she might be causing herself permanent liver damage - or not - depending on her genetic make up. You could tell her about a mate of yours who is in hospital with liver disease age 35 who only drank 1 bottle of wine a day and how amazed you are about it or something similarly oblique?

MeMySonAndI Sun 20-Jul-08 12:46:55

She has spend years trying to convince the world that her eating is not causing her any trouble. She wouldn't like to discuss this with anybody, she thinks we all are over reacting.

I have decided to leave it, the more you try to talk to her the bigger the problem becomes.

hermykne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:48:39

podrick i aint a zero!
shes done ww before and would go again i think.
thanks.

Podrick Sun 20-Jul-08 12:48:43

Also agree with others that both problems are probably due to a deeper emotional problem so treating the symptoms without the cause is not ideal.

girlnextdoor Sun 20-Jul-08 15:14:44

As she is in denial, she needs professional help if possible.

Does she ever get called by her drs for a well-woman check?

Her reaction shows without any doubt that she is VERY aware of the problem- hence not wanting to talk about it- and she needs help and support. Do not believe for a moment that she is not aware of it- she is, but there are obviously deep issues that underlie it.

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