What's wrong with me?

[ChocolateMouse]

Hi there,

What's wrong with me? DS is 5 1/2 months old and things seem okay between the two of us. DH and myself have been at loggerheads since DS was born - it all started when I desperately wanted to breastfeed DS, he didn't have a very strong suck and therefore my milk supply went down even with expressing. Managed to breastfeed and formula top ups for 4 months and now DS is exclusively bottle-fed due to the stress it put me, DH and DS under.

DS is still a slow feeder now and DH is saying that he resents me for ever having breastfed because he thinks that if I hadn't DS wouldn't be having feeding problems now. This comment really hurt me, I worked so hard to breastfeed LO and I miss it dearly but I have done the best for DS now. Since stopping the breastfeeding DS has been diagnosed with a lactose intolerance and has to be on a prescriptive formula. Waiting to see a Paed for tests. Poor LO

Now I have the antenatal group of ladies that I met wanting to meet up and I really don't want to socialise with them. They know each other quite well already and when I meet them I feel a bit of a loose cog. I don't go out very much and DH and GP are all saying (bullying) me into going out everyday.

My worry is that the way I am being is going to affect DS. Am I being a bad mother? I love him dearly and the last thing I want is for him to miss out.

I'm scared, feel like I have no support for the way I am feeling and just feel bullied. What's wrong with me? Is it PND??

Thanks for listening and sorry for the rant

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time at the moment - I don't know if you have pnd - thats something that only you can work out with the help of a professional.

I want to reassure you though that I did have pnd - and one of my symptoms was I couldn't cope with socialising. Ended up writing a letter to the rest of my antenatal group telling them I didn't want to meet up because I felt I didn't fit in. Looking back at it now I feel quite sad for myself. BUT my dd ended up being such a happy well adjusted toddler and now shes a confident 8 year old. You love your ds and even as a baby he will know that. That will be his most important and overriding thing in life - that you love him.

But please do get some help - you don't deserve to feel like this and you won't always feel like this. Getting some help now will help you to return to your old self (but wiser) far faster.

[ChocolateMouse]

OhYouBadBadKitten - Thank you so much for your sensitive reply - shedding a few tears here. Much appreciated. xx

[aleene]

I'm sorry too that you are feeling like this.
I think it was insensitive of your DH to say what he did about BF but he obviously cares about you if he is concerned about you not going out. As DS is lactose intolerant that is at the root of his feeding problem and you should not feel bad that BF did not work out.
I was going to say that you should try to go out but appreciate what OYBBK said about it being very hard. But perhaps the fact that these people want to meet up with you is a good sign. Also the more you get to know them you may make a good friend or even find someone who is feeling the same as you.
I agree you should get some help and try not to be hard on yourself. You are not a bad mother btw.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

I think that one of the things is that just because you are an antenatal group it doesnt mean that automatically you will all be friends and get on. I now know the people who were in the antenatal group through school. While they are all perfectly nice people I still wouldn't want to hang round with them - we just don't have much in common!

Two things did get me through those days - one was toddler group - it was dreadful for me so often but it did give me a bit of routine to the week. I survived by concentrating on doing the teas and washing up! Also joined tumble tots.

Then eventually I met a lady who was in the habit of inviting random people round for cups of tea through her I eventually made a core group of friends. We still get on really well and meet up when we can. But it was our choice to make friends and get together not some kind of fake grouping.

Got to dash - school run

I hope you are feeling a little more cheery - if you aren't have a cup of tea and a biscuit on me!

[ChocolateMouse]

Thanks aleene - I guess deep down I know I'm not a bad mother, it just feels like I am because I always feel like I'm doing things wrong. I mean, when it comes to going out, I never went out very much before LO was born and it's like I people want me to change the way I am into someone more 'acceptable'.

I don't know tbh, I don't mind going out with just DS and me and DH when he gets time but I just don't fancy socialising.

[aleene]

If you are the same now as before DS was born I can see why it would feel like being bullied into changing. Nothing wrong in not socialising so long as you are not miserable and isolated.
Have you any plans to go back to work?
Have you and DH had any evenings out together where you could treat yourselves and break down the 'loggerheads' situation?