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be totally straight with me, i used to smoke before i had children, how could of this affected them?

(41 Posts)
tellmethetruth Thu 17-Jul-08 12:54:26

by smoking, heavy for many years, what damage could i have caused to my children.

please be very honest with me, i want the truth

zippitippitoes Thu 17-Jul-08 12:56:11

i dont think smoking before children would have made a great deal of difference none you would be able to recognise anyway

well done for giving up prior to hasving them

expatinscotland Thu 17-Jul-08 12:56:31

i used to smoke before i had kids, too.

i may have damaged my eggs and lowered my fertility, but having had two kids and pregnant with a third, i don't know that that's the case.

i think the damage would be to YOU, not them.

expatinscotland Thu 17-Jul-08 12:56:32

i used to smoke before i had kids, too.

i may have damaged my eggs and lowered my fertility, but having had two kids and pregnant with a third, i don't know that that's the case.

i think the damage would be to YOU, not them.

MsDemeanor Thu 17-Jul-08 12:56:50

If you stopped smoking before you had them, it won't affect them at all! How do you think it would have? Why are you worrying about it?
Well done for stopping, by the way. It must have been difficult for you.

Clio197 Thu 17-Jul-08 12:57:12

My mum smoked all her life, and not just fags... when pregnant with me and my little brother.

We are both fine, fit, healthy and reproducing myself!! Both smart, fun kids, and adults.

I dont know what damage could have been caused... but we were OK!

ib Thu 17-Jul-08 12:57:55

Did you smoke while pg?

zippitippitoes Thu 17-Jul-08 12:59:43

worrying about things like this may tho be a sign of anxiety or depression in you now

could that be the case?

and yes heavy smoking may have affected your health

tho over time you improve again as far as lung capacity and other affects are concerned

tellmethetruth Thu 17-Jul-08 13:02:58

i do not want your sympathy but my dd has a terminal brain cancer.
i did not smoke when i was Pregnant

LittleMissNorty Thu 17-Jul-08 13:04:20

sad

This is not your fault you know

Pavlovthecat Thu 17-Jul-08 13:05:52

Tellmethetruth - I am so sorry to hear that your DD has cancer sad

I am not a Dr, but feel that you smoking prior to your DD arriving would have no bearing on her cancer.

dilbertina Thu 17-Jul-08 13:06:06

Ah tell me the truth. I think with any serious child illness we try and find "The reason", often there isn't one. Please don't be trying to find a way to blame yourself. Wishing you much strength.

zippitippitoes Thu 17-Jul-08 13:06:10

no this is not because you smoked before you conceived

i am very sorry to hearf that but dont blame yourself

tellmethetruth Thu 17-Jul-08 13:06:55

well part of me, a large part of me thinks it might well be, wish i never smoked all those years.
the drs say it could of been cause by just one duff cell.
well not those words exactly

MsDemeanor Thu 17-Jul-08 13:07:01

Oh that's an awful, awful thing to happen. I feel very sad for your family. But this is NOT your fault. Not in any way. There is no link at all between your smoking and your daughter's cancer. Smoking would not even raise your risk of brain cancer, let alone that of your daughter. it is natural to blame yourself when your child is ill and to look for reasons for these awful things. I have a child with Asperger syndrome and I KNOW it's not my fault but I still feel guilty. Please talk to your daughter's doctors if you need more reassurance, but it is not your fault. Are you getting much support during your daughter's illness? How old is she?

ib Thu 17-Jul-08 13:07:19

so sorry to hear that. this study suggests no link between the two even for you, so logically less so for your dc.

tellmethetruth Thu 17-Jul-08 13:10:18

well i do not want to go into all the ins and outs, nothing more can be done.
i find it very hard to accept, it is just bad luck.
i need to logically process why this happened.
maybe i will never get the answers i want.

thank you for the link, i will look at that

theyoungvisiter Thu 17-Jul-08 13:10:26

In terms of life insurance, if you smoke and have given up more than 12 months ago (? I think? would need to check paperwork to be sure of the time span) they class you as a non-smoker as the statistical risk pretty much reverts to that of a non-smoker during that time.

Life insurance companies are incredibly keen to highlight any possible risks, and if they don't think that smoking in the past is a problem, I would imagine it's probably not. Therefore any damage to your kids is likely to be even more unlikely.

So sorry to hear about your daughter - it must be incredibly hard and I understand the need to look for reasons but I think you can be reassured that this is not a likely cause.

tellmethetruth Thu 17-Jul-08 13:13:56

does anyone what any ideas, why this has happened, i only want the truth.
no need to sugar coat anything

zippitippitoes Thu 17-Jul-08 13:15:56

i can understand you wanting to find reasons but its very likely that there are no reasons which you will discover tho you could torture yourself with trying

these things happen and sadly that is the truth

ib Thu 17-Jul-08 13:17:08

Sadly, the most likely non sugar coated reason is that sometimes shit just happens even really really bad shit.

I am so sorry.

RubyRioja Thu 17-Jul-08 13:21:43

so sorry for your daughters situation.
I am fervent anti-smoker and I honestly don't think you could have caused this. I understand the need to find something or someone to blame, but agree it is sometimes just bad luck.

I hope you get the support your family needs.

Kewcumber Thu 17-Jul-08 13:24:43

when my mum had cancer her nurse said pointless asking "why" that you may as well ask "why not". You can drivbe yourself mad looking for an explanation that isn't there.

MsDemeanor Thu 17-Jul-08 13:26:56

I know you are keen to blame yourself, but it's not your fault. Bad things happen by chance to lovely people, including beautiful innocent children. According to the mamor cancer charities, research is ongoing but nobody knows what causes brain tumours in children. But it really won't be anything you have done. Please don't torture yourself.

mrsruffallo Thu 17-Jul-08 13:32:17

It's not your fault, tmtt.
There is no reason for this, although I understand your need to search for one- completely natural.
Sorry for this awful situation

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