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PMT causing suicidal thoughts.

(24 Posts)
Amandoh Wed 16-Jul-08 11:50:27

I'm just wondering if anyone else has one day a month when they could quite happily walk in front of a car.

It's been happening either on the day before my period or the first day of period since I had my last child just over two years ago. At first I didn't realise it was period related and thought I was just having a bit of a breakdown every now and again. It was my Dp that noticed it happened on a monthly basis and when so I think it must be PMT.

Yesterday I took my son and one of the dogs out for a walk because I thought getting out of the house would help but it occured to me while I was out that I could leave them at the Police Station in town and then go and jump in front of a train so that's where I headed. My son was asking for a drink but as I didn't take any money out with me I couldn't buy him one and it was only him needing a drink that made me realise that he was relying on for everything and that I couldn't just leave him so we turned around and walked home.

I kept telling myself yesterday that it was just PMT and that tomorrow I'd feel differently but in that "state" I didn't think I would. I sort of made a deal with myself that if I still felt the same today then the option of suicide was still there and that if I didn't it was just PMT and that I'd be fine.

Today I don't feel very fine. I don't feel suicidal but I do feel very worried that I will kill myself one day as I was so close yesterday. I'm not sure what to do. I know my first port of call should be my Dr but I don't want to go on antidepressants for what is essentially a one day a month problem.

Has anyone heard of PMT causing suididal thoughts or is this something else? If it is PMT can this be treated without a course of antidepressants? I'd really rather sort myself out than go to my Dr.

christiana Wed 16-Jul-08 12:12:53

Message withdrawn

lisasimpson Wed 16-Jul-08 12:18:06

I have just started (after a lot of soul searching and internet trawling) a course of prozac for pmt - as I only get psychological effects. I couldn't let another month go by trying to rely on exercise, eating well and herbal treatments any more. Just started last week so we shall see! please see your doctor

Amandoh Wed 16-Jul-08 12:49:07

Hi,

Thank you both for replying. After reading your replies I think I do probably need to see my GP. I'm normally such a happy person but for just that one day (And not even a whole day really. It's not like I wake up and feel dreadful. Something small will make me feel a bit sad or cross and it kind of goes on from there) I don't want to be here anymore and beind dead feels like the only solution.

I think the thing that has stopped me seeking help before now is that at the time it feels like nothing will help and once it's passed I feel a bit silly. It doesn't feel so silly today though as my Dp is upset too. Last night I told him that I wanted to ring social services to come and get our youngest son because while he was still young he'd have a greater chance of being adopted by a nice family and forgetting all of us. I felt so guilty for wanting to leave him at the Police Station.

Normally the day after I just feel relieved that it's over but today I can see that it's becoming a big problem and that I can't just cross my fingers and hope that next month will be better.

Thank you both again for taking the time to reply and I hope the course of Prozac is helpful to you LisaS.

columbolover Wed 16-Jul-08 13:07:19

Amandoh, how brave of you to finally speak of what has been happening. You need to see your GP.
I have also been feeling like you since having ds, though not as acutely suicidal, and during this time of the month I feel as though there's a big cloud over me. I convince myself I need to leave dh and I feel so depressed that I think ds and dh would be better off if I wasn't here. I think about ways of ending it though I know I would not do it.
Like you I didn't think there was anything could be done etc, esp as I feel fine the rest of the month, but am going to see GP if it happens this month as it is so hard to think positively when you are in the midst of feeling like this. I thought it was just me who felt like this.
Wonder if its a hormonal thing that GP could sort out..but think an antidepressant will possibly help.
Your ds really really needs his mummy. Please see your GP and phone someone like Samaritans.
I'm glad you've told your dp, you're not alone and at least he will be able to support you / keep an eye on you.
Take care xx

columbolover Wed 16-Jul-08 13:13:37

Also, there's nothing wrong with taking antidepressants. They give many people their life back. They're not addictive and don't all have bad side effects.
Like lisa says, herbal remedies, exercise does not necessarily work if there is a hormonal / chemical imbalance needing corrected, and you can't just pull yourself together either, or you would have done that long ago smile

Amandoh Wed 16-Jul-08 13:33:13

Hi Columbolover,

Thanks for your reply. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I know initially my family would be upset if I was dead but feel that I'm doing them a favour in the long term. Yet, the next day I'm pretty much back to normal.

It has been worrying me for a while now but I think yesterday frightened my Dp a bit too and I know he's not just going to let this drop. He has asked me before to see my Dr but like I said previously, I just feel relieved the feelings have passed and a bit silly and just want to move on.

My periods are very heavy since having ds3 and I'm often stuck in the house for a couple of days so have been meaning to go to the Dr about that. I do feel a bit silly going to the Dr just about the one day a month meltdown so the heavy period problem gives me a good reason to go and I can mention the PMT while I'm there.

I hope you talk to someone about what's happening to you too Columbolover.

columbolover Wed 16-Jul-08 13:43:21

My periods have never been so bad since having ds - now 17mo. For first 2 days am afraid to leave the house!
I'm glad your dp is not going to let this drop, as you say. The doctor will not in a million years think you are being silly / its a trivial matter. It very serious. Doesn't matter if its just for one day - the fact that you have almost went through with it shows how bad it isYou don't have to feel like this. Am sure he will have heard this kind of thing before. Maybe dp could go with you?
I was thinking along the same lines as you..going in with the heavy period thing and then mentioning the rest. Make sure you go to a GP you feel comfortable with though.
Good luck x

Amandoh Wed 16-Jul-08 13:57:29

Colubolover, As we're both suffering with heavy periods and having similar feelings I wonder whether the two problems are infact related and if the heavy periods were sorted out then maybe the PMT symptoms may lessen too?

I know the pill is sometimes prescribed to ease heavy periods but due to a heart condition I can't take the pill. This is why I haven't been to see my Dr before now about them. Like you, I'm a bit of a prisoner in my own home for a couple of days. I find that just standing up causes a bit of a flood. I don't know what I'd do if I had a job because I would have to take such a lot of time off.

I think we both ought to make an appointment at our local surgery. Will you keep me updated if you see your Dr before I do?

Good luck to you too. smile

columbolover Wed 16-Jul-08 14:10:42

Hi Amandoh,
Yes, have been wondering if they are both related too, and yes I will go to GP if you will! Am not due period for about a week and am wondering if I should make an appt for then while I'm in the midst of it all so to speak. Think you should try and go asap though.
Tried the pill after having ds - was on it for years before ttc (and periods were fine) - but got bad side effects this time and won't try it again.
Will let you know how I get on hope you'll do the same smile

Amandoh Wed 16-Jul-08 16:07:42

Yes, will do. smile

Thanks again to you and to everyone else who replied. I feel much better knowing that I'm not alone in feeling like this.

Will keep you posted. x

superflybaby Wed 16-Jul-08 17:16:09

I'm a sufferer of PMS, but I go two weeks crazy, two weeks normal.
During my two crazy weeks I get panic attacks and basically just fall apart.
During my two normal weeks I am happy & carefree & feel able to take on the world.

Been on Citropram - that made me vomit. Been on Prozac - that made me sleepy. Both did work and lessened the anxiety when it hit, but the side effects were unpleasant.

It is terrible to live with, I do feel for you. Give the antiD's a go, they might help.

For what it's worth my GP was very understanding, I was suprised.

One thing I have found helps is to make sure as many people you feel comfortable with know what to expect, why & when and it does make it easier to deal with. No one will understand how you feel but just that little bit of extra room or support when needed goes a long way.

charliecat Wed 16-Jul-08 17:21:07

I feel like this and its getting worse.
The other night I was scare to stand up as I thought I may walk out the door to wait for a passing HGV to walk in front of.
A few hours of one day mine is too.

Amandoh Wed 16-Jul-08 18:42:48

Superflybaby ~ I can't imagine how dreadful it must be to feel that way for two weeks at regular intervals! You use the past tense when you say you've tried Citropram (I'm guessing this is an antidepressant) and Prozac. Are you getting any help at the moment? Thanks for the advice re letting others know what to expect. That's a good idea.

Charliecat ~ Does anyone know that you're going through this? Do you feel able to tell your partner? It's embarrassing isn't it. I know I've used the word "silly" ad nauseum but I do feel silly the following day.

Can I ask you both if you've always had PMT and also if your periods are heavy? I'm just wondering if there's a link between a change in periods after your last child (becoming heavier) and the start of PMT.

superflybaby Wed 16-Jul-08 20:54:47

Yes, it is a large chunk of life to spend with no perspective on things.

I had PMT before DC, for a few days of the month I would feel out of control & behave irrationally (quitting my job had to be the dumbest thing I ever did in the heat of the moment).

Through pregnancy I was calm & consistent. After birth up to when DD was 10 months old I was really fine. Then it gradually crept in month by month getting worse each time.

Now it is far beyond feeling irrational. I have physical symptoms like palpitations, dizziness, tingling hands, breathlessness. I have a bubbling rage inside me that sometimes I cannot control & it scares me. For me it manifests as a rage rather than sadness.

My periods did get heavier for a while after DC (she is 26 months) & recently I have had a blood test to check for anaemia / thyroid problems, diabetes etc but it all came back negative.

Yes, Citropram is an antidepressant. I started that last November, taking it every day for two weeks of my cycle. That made me very sick, but I stayed on it for months. Then I gave up & the Doctor gave me Prozac to take every day. This made me tired & I didn't find this as effective, so now I have just experienced two very unpleasant months with nothing (my own choice) and I am back at square one again. I am seeing the Doctor tomorrow actually and will see what the options are now.

I don't know what the answer is but it is a very real & very serious problem for many women, as you know! I guess the good thing is that you & your DP are aware of it. Remember it is your hormones playing horrible tricks on you and not you losing your mind. Easy for me to say that now - I am on a good week! If some smug arse said that to me last week I'd have bit their head off (then cried afterwards)!blush

oldcrock Wed 16-Jul-08 21:05:23

I too have a good two weeks followed by two weeks of irrational insecurity, weepiness and feelings of extreme stress. I have felt suicidal on a few occasions but not every month. I've had several fruitless visits to GP - trouble is, I'm good at covering up and pretending, so they never want to prescribe the anti-Ds. Instead they have sent me on a mood/stress management course, which was interesting but cannot help you when your hormones are in control!

I hope your GP takes you seriously and lots of sympathy. You need to describe your absolutely worst day and then they will hopefully listen.

superflybaby Wed 16-Jul-08 21:24:39

oldcroc that is an interesting post. I didn't have the 'nerve' (as I saw it) to go to the Doctor to ask for help.

I just happened to be with the Nurse on a wobbly day, just talking about contraception when I just broke down and through tears, snot, deep breaths & dribble I got my feelings out. She was fantastic, she called the Doctor for me and asked for advice then and there & the Doctor saw me within a week.

Ever since then I haven't been afraid to go back and be honest with them.

I am interested in hearing more about the mood/stress management course you were offered. You are right I bet it can't help when hormones are in control, but isn't it bewildering how one person is offered drugs, another a course.

oldcrock Wed 16-Jul-08 21:32:10

The courses are good (I'm doing another one now and they are free, run by the local NHS) - here's a link to the local ones www.awp.nhs.uk/templates/Page____989.aspx so I hope they run something similar near you. There are lots of helpful techniques for dealing with the bad days, but it's still tough to put it into practice.

I didn't really initially think I had PMT as it was going on for so much of the month, so went to the GP after feeling so crap for so long! I got the feeling their policy was to avoid drugs if possible...

superflybaby Wed 16-Jul-08 21:48:23

Thank you. I will be asking my Doctor about these.

Amandoh Fri 18-Jul-08 10:42:07

Hi again,

I just wondered how you're all getting on?

LisaSimpson ~ I know you only started your course of Prozac last week but are you feeling any different?

ColumboLover ~ Did you make your appointment for next week?

SuperflyBaby ~ How did things go at your appointment with the Dr yesterday?

superflybaby Fri 18-Jul-08 16:09:57

Hi Amandoh, how are you getting on? Have you come out the other side yet (for want of better term)?
Have you made an appointment to speak with someone about your problem? I really hope you have, even if you are feeling better. I know at one stage when I felt 'normal' again I thought no need to see the GP, it was just a blip... it just delayed things.

If it makes you feel more comfortable about it then, like I think someone else suggested, make an appointment for the exact day or week you predict feeling depressed, that way you will be able to
a) Have support & help when needed (it makes you feel so much better leaving the doctors knowing you are doing something about it)
b)Be able to show the doctor exactly how you are suffering, when you feel that bad you cannot hide things.

My appointment went well thank you. Although there is a lengthly waiting list for courses, I have been given another anti-depressant that causes less severe side-effects than the ones I have been on previously. I will again be taking them 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, which I feel better about as it proves I can stand on my own and behave rationally, if only some of the time wink

Amandoh Fri 18-Jul-08 20:01:12

Hi Superflybaby,

I'm glad your appointment went well. The two weeks on then two weeks off of the antidepressants sounds like a good idea. Keep us posted won't you? smile

I've not yet made an appointment but am going to do it next week definitely. I've had an odd few days since it happened. I'm a bit teary and don't feel able to go out but feel happier knowing it's the weekend now and that I won't be here on my own. We're planning to go to the cinema on Sunday so that'll get me out of the house. I guess I gave myself a bit of a scare but hopefully I'll feel a bit better next week.

Hope everyone else is ok.

columbolover Fri 18-Jul-08 20:06:24

Hi Amandoh,

Have not made appt for next week as yet, however (without going into TMI! ) period arrived today, v v early. Am not feeling too bad emotionally though, despite usual awful period, but am still going to go to doc. Am bit worried why it is so early amongst everything else.

Have you been yet, hope you have!

Superfly - Good for you in going to doc. Do you think the antidepressants will work 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, what I mean is will they have time to work? - I thought they took about a month to kick in? I hope it does work for you though, hope you can keep us informed how it goes.

Its good to know others are going through this, or similar too, not that you want to wish these things on people at all, but it makes you feel less alone smile

Amandoh Tue 22-Jul-08 16:19:34

Hi Columbolover,

Glad to hear that despite period arriving you're feeling ok. Have you made an appointment or seen your Dr yet? I agree with what you say about it being good to know that you're not alone in this. I feel more confident that there is help available now and that I'm not just a nutcase. smile

I was out and about today so popped in to the surgery and made an appointment to see a female Dr on Monday evening. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Hope everyone's ok.

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