shock at breast cancer diagnosis today

[waily]

I havent ever posted on here despite having been a member for a while, but i feel so shocked i just wanted to see if anyone could give me any advice. I m a 40 yr old mother of 2 girls 4 and 8, whose own mother died from breast cancer when she was 43, I had a mammogram 2 wks ago as family history screening, and was recalled today for a core biopsy and told i will need surgery and radiotherapy. I have talked briefly to one of my sisters and a long distance friend but do not want to talk to anyone close by in case it gets back to my daughters before I tell them myself.I have to see the surgeon next thurs and find out what / when things will happen. Can anyone help ? I have looked at some previous threads and at a couple of sites. Thanks.

[stupidgirl]

No help, I'm afraid, just (((hugs))). I'm sure someone will be along soon who can offer some more practical support.

[suzywong]

so sorry to hear your news
I'm afraid I can't offer any advice, sorry

[colditzmum]

No practical advice here, but lots of sympathy.

[waily]

thankyou for your messages , i dont want to go to bed as i dont think i ll sleep ! but know i should.

[Tinker]

I've no advice either but I am sorry to hear your news. Treatment of breast cancer is much more successful today that it was when your mother died. My cousin was diagnosed at a similar age to you and her mother (my aunt) also died from bc. But my cousin is fine, being treated, but fine.

[mummygow]

waily I am the same as the rest, no practical advise, just some sympathy take care ((hug))

[essbee]

Message withdrawn

[fefifofum]

Hello Waily, so sorry to hear your news but I can tell you that, as a mammographer, I know so many women who have been in the same situation and have gone on to lead long and happy lives. The key, and I know this sounds so trite, is to try and stay positive and look to the future - it is widely believed that that is key to beating cancer.
You say that you had your core biopsy today? And they were able to give the results straight away? It usually takes at least a few days for the histology report which tells you exactly what kind of cancer is there - tho I have to tell you that the majority of biopsies turn out to be benign growths/non-cancerous. I don't mean to patronise but are you sure they have the results already? Maybe they were talking about a 'what if' scenario.
If you are sure, then it would be a good idea to get in touch with a breast cancer support group in your area (unfortunately I live outside of the UK so I don't know what is available), ask at your doctor's office. Not only will they be able to explain the treatments etc, but you will be able to meet some of the many women who have survived and will help you see that it is possible to get through it.
Also, remember that it is a different world now than from when your mum was diagnosed - detection and treatment is light years ahead now. Focus on the fact that it has been detected, probably at a very early stage as you didn't have any symptons, and therefore your prognosis is probably excellent.
I hope that helps. Lots and lots of (((((((hugs)))))))

[seriouslycelibate]

Hello waily.I'm sorry I haven't got any experience of breast cancer,but I was diagnosed with cervical cancer 3 years ago,when I was early on in my pregnancy.Refused to act until after the birth,then had radiotherapy.Not as awful as chemo by any means.Main side effect being extreme tiredness so rally some support to help with dd's.Oh and you may get radiation burns if it is for a long time.If you do it will be uncomfortable for the duration,like any burn,but they will heal once it's over.Like the others say,stay positive,which I know is hard with your direct experience,but they're right,things have come on light years,even in the last five years,so the outlook mightn't be as bleak as it seems xxxxxxx

[GRMUM]

Waily,very sorry to hear this.I don't have direct personal experiance but one of my best friends found a lump 2 1/2 years ago, she was 45 at the time with 2 children at similar ages to yours. She went on to have surgery and chemotherapy. She's back at work now, always off on camping trips and activities with her children.Treatment has changed so radically in the past few years.I am sure there must be a support group close to you. Hugs x

[GRMUM]

this site has a network of support groups

[winnie]

waily, I am so sorry to hear this. You say that you don't want to tell anyone close to you as you don't want your dd's to find out yet. Is there no one you could confide in? Sending you {{{{hugs}}}} winnie x

[tigermoth]

no advice, but lots of sympathy. Hope Thursday brings you reassuring news.

[bids]

Oh Waily,
I send you hugs and hope this helps...
This time last year I was in a similar situation. Diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer and one of the worst aspects of it was the need for support and TLC from friends but the fear of it getting back to the children. So I did not even tell my best friends.

I tried to carry on as normal, sobbing in the car when I was alone and when alone late at night. Not sleeping and feeling very alone.
I have 4 boys, 13,11,7 and 4.

When I did tell one of my best friends she was angry with me for not telling her and so supportive! You need to talk. If you cannot to a friend ask your doctor to suggest a counsellor.
Or maybe better for you if you use chat lines, there is a great website according to a friend of mine where you can chat to others in the same situation. She said it helped her get through, I just called her she said it is www.breastcancer.org, she will call back and I will give you the right one if this is not correct.

Through the anxiety and lack of sleep I experienced I ended up more ill from the stress and on extra medication to help with that.
Wanting to protect your children you could actually do more harm to yourself, as I did, by not looking after your own needs.

My 13 and 11 year olds eventually found out through people gossiping, my 11 year old was teased at school by a friend who said.. your Mum's got cancer..
For them the truth was better than the unknown, though what we said was put in a very positive way. My Dad is a doctor and he helped to reassure them. They were much happier when they knew.

As far as my health goes I'm feeling better than I have for years. As others have said, there are huge advances in medicine on this front.
The charity Breakthrough might also be helpful.

While you are considered to be 'physically' ill you are also affected in many other ways. Please put yourself first and ask for the support you need.

I hope you will x

[amynnixmum]

{{{{{hugs}}}}} Waily. My mum was diagnosed just before xmas and it was awful. Like you her mum had also died of breast cancer. She had her op the week before xmas , unfortunately the cancer had spread to 3 of her lymph glands so she needs chemo before she has radiotherapy. She had her first session of chemo yesterday and so far she is feeling fine. Its really scary I know but I agree that you need to talk to someone in rl about it. I am going through loads of hassle with my ds at the moment so when my mum found the lump last oct she didn't tell me. She did tell my sister though and she was so sad about it that she talked about it to her friends on the Bounty website. I found out because by some amazing chance I went onto Bounty (first time user) and for some reason clicked on her thread and after reading through it noticed the nickname and realised it must be my sis and I was reading about my mum. {{{hugs}}}.

[tamum]

waily, I am so sorry. I have to say, my first thought was the same as fefifofum's, it seems very quick to have had the core biopsy results back, but I guess they must have rushed it through. You have to try and remember the positive things that people have said- it's very true that treatment today is a lot better, and the main thing is that hey have undoubtedly caught it early because of the screening you've had. xxx

[Slinky]

Waily


So sorry to hear your news My mum was diagnosed with BC and after a lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy is now all-clear.

Hugs to you and your family.

[Merlot]

Waily - to hear your news. Sending some positive vibes your way.

My mum, like Slinky's, was diagnosed with bc 16 months ago and after surgery, chemo and radiotherapy is now all clear

Thinking of you and hope all goes well for you xx

[JanH]

waily, I'm so sorry to hear your news and I know just what you mean about the shock . When mine was diagnosed I just didn't tell anybody (except my kids) because I couldn't talk about it - DH was my messenger.

Talking by email might be easier for you - I tried to CAT you but your profile is set not to receive contacts. If you would like to email me my address is holden_jan at hotmail dot com.

[hewlettsdaughter]

Hi, I'm so sorry you have this to deal with. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed too. Have you tried looking here for information?

[bids]

Waily, website my friend found helpful, maybe you already have it is
www.breastcancercare.org.uk
go to chat forums for support, and according to my friend some humour too.
Take care

[moondog]

Sending my sympathy. Thinking of you
XXX

[suedonim]

Waily, I just want to say I'm sorry to hear your news and that I'm sending you my best wishes.

[waily]

I just wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to respond. Today has been quite tough, I ve wanted to cry for most of it but managed to more or less keep normal until the girls were in bed.There are so many things i wish i d asked on fri. but i was just in complete shock, i had more or less convinced myself that they would have found calcium deposits as happened to my other sister this time last year and that i would have to be monitored every year as she does and was completely unprepared for the biopsy and for the results of their initial"drags" of the cells which the doctor said were indeterminate to suspicious.Because of my family history, which sadly includes more than my mum and her mum dying of breast cancer and my maternal aunt surviving it but also my dad 's brother and sister dying of cancer recently, the doctor said that she would not feel she could leave the breast alone, or words to that effect, even if the full results of the processed cells were clear, which she didnt think would happen.My main concern is for my girls , I dont want them to go through what i and my sisters went through, i am trying to be positive but I am a pessimist by nature so its a bit of a tall order ! thanks again and i will try to go to bed soon.