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Please help me help DH!!

(8 Posts)
Quacks Tue 18-Jan-05 20:28:32

Have posted this on the relationship thread too as it covers both I think.
My DH has high blood pressure, is overweight (doc says obsese!), drinks too much, prob high cholestrol but he won't go for the test as he says he already knows he's high. (He doesn;t eat unhealthily just drinks too much). I love him so much but am so worried. There's a history of heart disease and heart attacks in his family. We have a 4 yr old and a 5 month old and he won;t do anything about it!
He used to go to the gym then we had kids and the weight has gone on from there.
We don;t have sex that much as he says he;s too tired and its hard work. When we do it is good generally and could be again if he lost some weight and a bit fitter. He weighs about 17 stones and is 6 feet tall. Not huge I know but its all on the tummy, the danger area.

I know he could have a heart attack anythime really but he says he just can;t be bothered exercising. He has a great job and is devoted to it and when he;s not there he loves being with us and relaxing. He's a fantastic Daddy. I think he;s getting into a rut though and that could mean trouble for us. We've been together 15 years, married for 5 and I'm concerned all round really, about his health and our relationship.
Sorry to waffle but he won;t read any literature, see the Doc and says I'm nagging!!!! How do I help him???????????????????????
Eternall thanks

nailpolish Tue 18-Jan-05 20:42:09

hi quacks

does your 4 yr old have any interest in sports or clubs? maybe you r dh could help out with them, or get your ds/dd interested in one that could be done with daddy? if the children are into it maybe it would be motivation.

what about his mates? my dh plays 5 a side football with workmates in a league (just little one) and cos his mates rely on him turning up thats motivation for him.


Quacks Tue 18-Jan-05 20:53:47

Thanks nailpolish, I forgot to mention DH loves the garden and DIY, he;s certainly not lazy and does all the washing and ironing too, whatever needs doing really, he has a slow metabolic rate though. He lives in the garden and does a lot of painting, DIY stuff. Just needs to drink less, which he does to relax.

nailpolish Tue 18-Jan-05 20:56:42

thats difficult, if it relaxes him you dont want to deprive him of that. me and my dh have a drink every night, just a wee one, once the girls are in bed.

sounds stupid but could he drink pils lager? (if hes a lager man)

that is less fattening no sugar

tell me to get lost if im barking up the wrong tree

Quacks Wed 19-Jan-05 21:02:33

Bless you! He;s a red wine man. Loves lots and lots of red wine! In the week we have one night free of alcohol , a wee one on a couple of nights. Share a bottle another and then Fri and Sat we have a bottle each plus maybe a night cap or two. Then Sun share a bottle or 2 again. We do probably drink too much, but it is relaxing since we had the kiddies!

littlemissbossy Wed 19-Jan-05 21:13:42

Hi Quacks!
same situation here, dh is a red wine (well white wine and beer as well!) man. But since the new year WE have turned over a new leaf and (nearly) stopped drinking during the week. The only thing that worked for my dh, and I'm sorry that this probably won't help, was waiting for his health to really suffer. Last year he had a couple of "funny turns", hot sweats, shakes that sort of thing. They were stress related (he had various tests) and was told that his blood pressure was high, he was overweight and he had to do something about it or he would have either a heart attack or stroke. I also told him (without nagging) that I was very worried about him and to please think what it would do to us if anything happened to him.
Could you encourage him by doing some sort of exercise as a family, tell him that you want to stop drinking to motivate him to stop, that sort of thing? It's one of those difficult situations, the more you nag, the higher the blood pressure for both of you!!

Quacks Thu 20-Jan-05 21:06:04

THanks bossy! I don't really nag, but when the subject comes up I suppose I do press him and he just goes the other way. I just hope if he has a scare he will live to do something. I couldn;t stop drinking though we love it too much. I has been cut alot durng the week, mainly because we can;t afford to drink alot! Just shared a bottle today and then tommorow we''ll have more. Thanks, good luck with the new you;s!

Adashaw Thu 20-Jan-05 23:41:36

Hey quacks

we are red wine drinkers too and dh as been piling on the pounds round the danger zone, he to has a family history of heart probs and cholestrol was slightly too high.

It is really difficult to make a complete lifestyle change especially when we both enjoy a glass or three, but a few things that I am trying to do is to drop carbs at night, do bigger breakfasts and smaller earlier dinners. No fats cook in something like olive oil, really think mediterranean they all drink huge amounts of red wine but loads of fresh light stuff, not stoggy, with main meal at lunch. Might add that apparently the french have the lowest amount of heart attacks, due to the red wine, but the highest amount of liver complaints!

Good luck

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