How to come to terms with not being able to have any more children?

(4 Posts)
Unknownfuture1 Tue 23-Feb-21 10:38:31

Not sure where to post this sorry but thought here was the best place. I have a chronic health condition which I've suffered from for nearly 10 years now. Control of the condition has been up and down over the years but I've never been able to gain full independence and freedom from the condition.

I have an appointment with the consultant today to discuss a change of medication to one which has shown to be the most effective for what I have. I have avoided it for years because taking the medication means I won't be able to get pregnant (very high chance of physical deformities and multiple learning difficulties/life long disability). If this medication is successful I wouldn't want to come off it because I really want to give myself and the son I already have the best quality of life I can and it will finally allow me to gave my own independence.

Is there anyone out there who has one child and not been able to have any more? Or had to make the decision not to have any more? I think I'm mostly upset by the choice I have to make and not having much of a say and also the guilt of not giving a brother or sister to my son. I would be open to other options of having children but I still feel a sense of loss.

If I had a partner I would suggest having another child now and then switching medication but I don't have anyone and I don't know how much longer I can wait/live like this!

Thank you to anyone who has read this far and sorry for the rambling.

OP’s posts: |
Unknownfuture1 Tue 23-Feb-21 17:55:53

Anyone? sad

OP’s posts: |
BrandoraPaithwaite Tue 23-Feb-21 19:42:05

This is really difficult and I understand why you feel this way.

For what it's worth, I can really relate and I think the painful bit is the realisation. Once you have gone onto the new medication (which sounds fantastic and will hopefully really improve your quality of life) you will move past this point and start to accept.

Closing down the "maybe I will have more babies" phase and moving into "I will never carry and birth another baby" is hard for many women. I think and hope that once the crunch time has passed, it will be easier to accept.

Good luck on your news meds and for future healthy and happy times with your lovely dc.

RedPandaFluff Tue 23-Feb-21 20:12:49

I'm going to face a similar crossroads soon, @Unknownfuture1 - I had four round of donor egg IVF to have one-year old DD. The odds were massively stacked against a successful pregnancy so I am beyond grateful to have her.

We have a frozen embryo and plan to try for a sibling for DD at the end of the year . . . but that's it. This is our only shot, and as I mentioned, it's extremely unlikely to work . . . and then I'll have to face up to never having another baby.

I plan to get through this by reminding myself that I have DD and at one point, it was more than I could dream of to have one baby, never mind two. Having DD was the difference between being a mother and not being a mother. It will be sad not to have a second child, but I can't imagine another failed round of IVF will bring the same crushing grief as it did when I was childless and terrified of never having a family.

So, in short, I'm going to cope by reminding myself that DD is the biggest, best thing that ever happened to me and remind myself that not so long ago, one baby felt like an impossible dream.

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