About 6 weeks ago my parents told me that dad (early 70s) had been for a colonoscopy following an abnormal bowel sample. He'd had no symptoms at all. He got my brother to drive them to hospital as he'd been told he couldn't drive due to the sedation. He told me he was only telling me what had happened because he'd had to tell my brother so he could drive him to hospital.
Immediately after telling me this mum jumped down my throat with "Don't you go telling anyone about this!" as if that's what I was going to do. She's always like that, even over trivial things. They are both quite secretive about people "knowing their personal business". It annoys me because it makes me feel like they don't trust me and I am hardly going to announce it to the world. It also makes me feel pushed away.
Since then, he's had various scans - CT, MRI and a PEP(?) scan (the PEP scan came the day after he told me the diagnosis news), with a horrific wait to find out what was happening. It took a couple of weeks to get the results and I asked mum if they'd heard anything and got a glare and a sharp "No!" A few days later dad told me his diagnosis and I suspect mum was lying to me about not having heard. Although horrible to find out it was not as shocking as it would have been had I not known about the scans and tests that were pointing to this result. I remained calm in front of my parents. I asked if it was contained in the bowel and he said there was "a couple of 'spots'" on his liver. He said he'd be getting keyhole surgery to remove the tumour in his bowel in a couple of weeks.
That was over 3 weeks ago. Since then we (my brother and I) have heard nothing. I asked mum last weekend if they'd heard anything and shouldn't they be chasing it up and again got "the look" and she said no they hadn't heard and acted annoyed that I'd asked and changed the subject.
Of course, the waiting is horrible as is the sinking feeling that we're not being told the truth. It's very stressful for us too, we're unable to concentrate at work. My brother works long hours away from home for weeks at a time and is finding this very hard to deal with, the mind goes to very dark places when you've got lots of time to think. I just hope they're not keeping things from us, we're not little children and knowing what's going on, even if it's very bad news, would enable us to process things and move forward/offer support.
I saw them tonight and didn't ask any questions. They were engrossed in the tv, business as usual. Usual laughing and joking about silly stuff. I was texting my brother while I was over and he said he's going to phone them at the weekend because it's been ages with no news and it's driving him mad. Surely you'd chase it up, it's not an ingrown toenail.
I don't know much about medical stuff but what are the chances he'd still be waiting on a surgery date for cancer nearly a month after diagnosis after being told it would be a 1-2 week wait for surgery? Or is this kind of thing normal?
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Cancer in my family. Scared and left in the dark?
7 replies
Inthedarknoir · 04/03/2020 22:46
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