Relative with cancer avoiding treatment.

(10 Posts)
McPom Sat 15-Feb-20 15:40:50

Apologies if I'm not posting in the right place, but I have a relative who has recently been diagnosed with cancer and is finding reasons not to make or attend appointments. For example, it's at an inconvenient time of day. My question is, do I say, please take any appointment you're offered, time is of the essence, or do I say nothing because ultimately its not my illness and I don't have the right? Thanks.

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MikeUniformMike Sat 15-Feb-20 15:46:33

If she has appointments, she should cancel or attend. Just not turning up is unfair as it means someone else could have been seen.
If she chooses not to have any treatment that is her choice.

My thoughts are with your relative. Very tough place to be.

McPom Sat 15-Feb-20 15:53:36

Good point -sorry I didn't mean they were just not turning up, I meant they were cancelling or not making appointments. Thank you for your advice too.

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Unshriven Sat 15-Feb-20 15:59:21

It's very common to decline active treatment, especially if the treatment will only prolong the suffering.

How you proceed depends on whether they are your child, sibling, parent, cousin etc.

Is it actually reasonable/expected that you should try to influence them?

hamstersarse Sat 15-Feb-20 16:03:22

It is their choice what they do for treatment I’m afraid

I think there are circumstances where it is the right thing to do to not go for the treatment, as pp said, it can prolong the agony and reduce quality of life to such an extent that it becomes a negative

MikeUniformMike Sat 15-Feb-20 16:06:24

Hugs OP. For you and your relative.

user18463585026 Sat 15-Feb-20 16:07:43

They have the right not to subject themselves to unnecessary suffering. Without pressure or interference from anyone else.

You could ask if they would like someone to come with them to appointments, if it is about fear or not feeling able to attend something like this alone.


McPom Sat 15-Feb-20 16:30:19

Thank you. This all makes sense. I think it's more about undergoing treatment making everything seen more real and therefore more frightening, rather than not wanting treatment, but maybe I'm mistaken. I know it isn't for me to say.

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Thinkle Sat 15-Feb-20 16:58:18

My friend went through this, she knew the life long consequences of the treatment and spent some time questing the point of it all. Her mum knew and begged her to get treatment but that upset her more. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do was sit and listen to the reasons why she was thinking what she was but not try and beg her to change her mind.
Ask them why but don’t try and influence, you just need to listen to them. It’s not easy.

McPom Sat 15-Feb-20 17:51:34

Thanks for your advice Thinkle. I'm sorry to hear you've been in a similar situation.

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