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Am I being stupid??

(12 Posts)
Ara2008 Wed 05-Feb-20 23:55:27

sadHi I hope someone can give me so advise, I will make it as short as possible. So I have an illness which can be life threatening but at the moment I’m ill but it’s not life threatening, I got a virus/flu three weeks ago which resulted in me struggling to do basic things. I’m a single mother and was signed off work for the three weeks until my body was able to move again and cope, I was sent to hospital in this time but had to discharge myself due to being a single mother. My mother lives around the corner and has not even texted me to check on me or to find out how the kids are. I feel totally alone as it’s been so hard and she hasn’t cared one bit knowing I’m having a bad time. Am I being stupid to feel this way?

OP’s posts: |
Ava90 Thu 06-Feb-20 02:47:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jojo2wyatr Thu 06-Feb-20 03:16:52

@Ara2008
Hi Sweetheart....I am so sorry to read your post...Have you and your mum ever been close?
It doesn't really matter at the moment, though if you are feeling this way now. It really must hurt your feelings! I imagine you can't understand how a mum could act this way towards her child especially since you sound like you are all in for your own DC. Maybe there is Mumsnetter near who can help out some...in the mean time, we all are here for you to vent to.Take care, hun...Hope you feel better real soon and a hug for your DC from me, a MNetter

Ara2008 Thu 06-Feb-20 08:12:22

We was never too close due to her behaviour but since having children I think we both have tried more. I would check in with her most days to just say hi and see how she is and she would give me a two minute phone call on her walk home from work. I put the phone down on her before she stopped contact as she started shouting and I didn’t feel well enough to listen also as a stand up to her continuing aggression. Since then she hasn’t even checked on me knowing that I wasn’t very well and even walking to a bathroom was extremely difficult so looking after children would be a struggle. It just saddens me that she shows so clearly she doesn’t care at all. I feel stupid for feeling hurt at my age and it shouldn’t bother me or at least I shouldn’t be crying over it.

OP’s posts: |
Jojo2wyatr Fri 07-Feb-20 05:09:29

@Ara2008
You are not stupid for feeling hurt by the way your mother is treating you... It hurts to be rejected at any age...I'm so sorry you are having a hard time with it...it sounds as if your mom has severe issues and isn't capable of giving you what she doesn't have...even for her own daughter. You, on the other hand haven't let her behaviour interfere with your love for your own DC...good on you! Well done.flowers

Shev1996 Fri 07-Feb-20 05:28:09

Since you haven’t stated what your illness is it’s hard to comment. Do you have someone else nominated to look after your children should you become ill again? I’m assuming you wouldn’t want them cared for by your mother?

Ara2008 Fri 07-Feb-20 07:37:45

Hi, thank you for your replies. I have SLE Lupus which can make me very ill from time to time, I manage to work full time but once I’m ill it takes a lot to do the basic things. I have always looked after my child on my own and as my lupus has never been this bad I haven’t experienced coping with it before. She still has not made contact, which bothers me a lot. As she has always withheld contact throughout my life I should be more at ease with it but I’m just not. I will just try to concentrate on my child and my health as her behaviour only causes more upset.

OP’s posts: |
Jojo2wyatr Fri 07-Feb-20 19:13:36

@Ara2008. Yes, please do try to accept your mother for whom she is and not for whom you need her to be....release her...close your eyes, imagine her face on a helium balloon and picture yourself letting go of the string so that she will no longer be able to cause you stress which causes so many other health issues that you don't need right now. We are pulling for you, dear oneflowers

Ara2008 Fri 07-Feb-20 19:34:04

Thank you so so much. You have really helped me. Thank you for replying. flowers

OP’s posts: |
Jojo2wyatr Fri 07-Feb-20 20:06:32

@Ara, you are very welcome
! You sound like an amazing person to be able to keep juggling all that you do...I'm sure you have your 'poor me' moments( as you rightly deserve), but then you drag yourself up by your bootstraps and off you go heading in a positive direction and teaching numerous life lessons to your DC....you are a resilient one who has been dealt a trying hand, but you keep on plugging....just look at what is called, "The Greatest Generation" the people born in the early part of the 20th century who made it through the Wars, the Great Depression, and numerous other adversities and they are living to be well into their 90's and some even 100 years old.... you are like one of that generation..not one who has an easy lot in life, but makes the best of what she has and continues to impact the World today in a positive direction...as the old saying goes " what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"
Well done, Sweetie. It has been a pleasure meeting such an stellar individual as yourself on MN. Take careflowers you've got this!

Ara2008 Fri 07-Feb-20 22:55:24

That was the most lovely message. I wanted to give you an update. My mother called me today she wasn’t very nice and the conversation soon become aggressive on her part and she ended up telling me how she doesn’t want anything to do with me more or less. After tonight’s phone call and the things she had said I don’t think we can turn back from this. I have had lots of (poor me moment) but I can’t change her. Shears her feelings very clear and I know it’s time I walk away I can’t make her love me or be the mother I wish she would be. Thank you for your support it is so greatly appreciated and needed. Thank you! flowers

OP’s posts: |
Jojo2wyatr Sat 08-Feb-20 00:05:45

Aww, @Ava90, I'm so glad I could provide you with a bit of support...I hope it will help you realize that it is your mother who is making life difficult for herself and until she decides to change, she will continue to be miserable...it sure sounds like her negative aggressive outlook on life hasn't been caused by you at all...I am glad that you are considering walking away from this toxic relationship...you just never know, though...she could take a good look at herself and realise she's miserable and completely change her outlook on life. Won't that be a miracle! In the meantime, Sweetie, you've a wonderful life ahead of you..
Now go on and continue living it and look for the positive things that are out there for you and your DC! God bless you!flowersstar

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