I never really knew my father or his family, he wasn't involved in my upbringing and I had a wonderful DM and stepdad who gave me an amazing childhood. DM did know that my biological father had HD in the family (though they only had a brief relationship) and first mentioned it to me when I was a teenager. DM said if I wanted to we could see a doctor but I said no. If I'm honest I never really thought about it or researched the disease, I guess that because I had so little to do with my biological father I just wrote the genetic component off as well, likely as a way of coping.<br><br>I had DD at 19 and I'm now 24. I've been avoiding the HD all my life basically but I now have a wonderful partner and we have been talking about a second child and it brought HD to the forefront. I already feel guilty about having DD without being tested but I try not to beat myself up about it, I was young and she's amazing. I decided before getting tested I might as well find out if my biological father even had it (his father did).<br><br>Spoke to a cousin who confirmed my biological dad did have it. This almost made me try and contact him but I changed my mind at the last minute, I had enough on my plate and the support of my DM and stepdad. Went about the process of getting tested, I first spoke to my GP about it in January and am only getting my results tomorrow! As they keep you waiting and there was also one occasion I changed my mind and then changed my mind again.<br><br>DP is taking the day off work to come and get the test results with me. We're dropping DD off at school together and then the appointment is at 1, I don't know what we're going to do between then as I will likely be a wreck. It's very much a 50/50 chance.<br><br>I am so so scared. I have watched videos and seen documenteries about it and it's such a cruel illness. There are things I want to do with my life, such as have another baby and then I wanted to go to uni after he/she is in school because I never got the chance having DD so young. I just know if I get the diagnosis it will all feel pointless and like a countdown to me losing my faculties, and I'll lose any motivation. It's horrifying. And it's not just me this'll affect, if I have it then DD has a 50/50 chance as well. I feel so guilty about what she may go through, and even if she doesn't have it and I do, my illness will still affect her as she grows up. And DP is a wonderful man who I think I will be with for the rest of my life and I hate the thought of him seeing me decline over the years.<br><br>I know this isn't an AIBU topic but I just need a handhold, and I could do with some replies to read tonight as no doubt I won't sleep.