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Please help me sort my life out

(25 Posts)
ILikeBigRocks Mon 29-Jul-19 17:56:12

I'm so, so fatigued and sick of everything.

Graduated 1 year ago.
I live rurally about 1 hour 15 mins from big city. Earn 22k in big city working 9-5.

Super isolated and too tired to bother with people. Office is cliquey and work is full. Usually eat lunch at desk. Old friends either live abroad or have moved on.

I cry my eyes out every Sunday night without fail at the thought of another week. Feel totally trapped.

If I leave it will look bad on Cv.

I want to get something closer to home but round here it's mostly min wage stuff- cleaning, care, welders...

Looking for new job but I honestly don't have the mental energy to keep filling out crappy application forms.

Anything where I'm kind of semi eligible is around 18k. They all want 2 years experience and I don't understand how to get round it.

Stress is giving me eczema, migraine, UTIs, you name it. My diet is crap, I'm borderline underweight and have low blood pressure. I'm only in my mid twenties for fucks sake.

Doc put me on more citalopram which I don't want to take. Says he won't sign me off because that would only encourage me to avoid things. He is right (long story).

Help!

OP’s posts: |
ILikeBigRocks Mon 29-Jul-19 17:56:50

*Work is dull

OP’s posts: |
Egghead68 Mon 29-Jul-19 20:05:41

1. Take the citalopram as prescribed by your doctor.
2. Register with your local IAPT service for psychological therapy, if you haven’t already.
3. Try to gradually increase your activity levels e.g. brisk walk, swim or jog 5 days a week.

It will get easier. Good luck!

Egghead68 Mon 29-Jul-19 20:10:00

Also start doing more of what you enjoy and take pleasure in the small things e.g. a good cup of coffee.

You might want to look at doing a Mindfulness course.

dimsum123 Mon 29-Jul-19 20:16:09

Can you move closer to your work? Sign up with recruitment agency to reduce amount of application forms you need to fill in for jobs?

Try and make friends outside of work close to where you live so you can do nice things at the weekend.

Sorry you're feeling this way.

PenguinsRabbits Mon 29-Jul-19 21:25:56

I would look for another job and consider renting a room in the city.

If you rent a room you will meet others there - it will be hard financially but as you get experience your pay will increase. Your commute will decrease giving you time to go out or do some sport.

Counselling may help. Also think is no-one in your work friendly or no-one isolated? I doubt that's true, ask someone who you suspect may feel similar out to get a coffee together or lunch together.

I never respond to ADs but do to counselling - varies by person. If they aren't helping try something else in conjunction with doctor. You can self-refer to counselling online or doctor can refer. You could also get signed off but that sometimes just postpones problems and I wouldn't recommend it unless you are really at complete breaking point.

You can improve diet quite easily though don't think that will lead to a rapid change in mood but its a good idea anyway. Exercise can help with mood more - I used to swim 3 times a week and that helped. Once a week is fine to start with and anything is better than nothing. If you say join an aerobics class you might meet people there or ask a friend if fancy going together. Its hard to motivate yourself to get to it but once you do helps a bit.

PenguinsRabbits Mon 29-Jul-19 21:30:23

Also do you have any interests - could you join a club for those? Might be easier in a city. A lot of people have boring jobs and its the going out / money etc that makes it worth it for them. Though if you really hate what you do maybe consider could you change career - much easy to do when younger.

I hated my first job after graduating, very small company - not friendly but then sent CV to where I really wanted to work. Got job which was really interesting and included lots of evening parties, got flatshare in London and all went much better after that.

ILikeBigRocks Tue 30-Jul-19 07:30:32

Thanks everyone. I'm starting a dance class soon which I'm looking forward to (but a bit nervous too). Going to start taking the pills.

That's reassuring, penguins . Do you mind if I ask roughly what sort of field you work in?

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Snazzygoldfish Tue 30-Jul-19 07:41:35

I might reading a book called the kindness method at the moment. I got it to try to lose weight but I'm finding it really helpful (and enjoyable) in all areas of my life.

PuellaPuellaePuellam Tue 30-Jul-19 07:54:32

Hello @ILikeBigRocks. Sorry things are so tough.

I disagree with your doctor about the meds - don't take the citalopram if you don't want to. It's clear that there are life changes you need to make, and evidence about SSRIs is actually highly equivocal. Sounds like you're feeling shit because there are things about your life you need to change.

Great to hear about the dance class.

What line of work are you in?
Do you have a friend/family member who could help with applications?

PuellaPuellaePuellam Tue 30-Jul-19 08:00:23

@PenguinsRabbits' advice is good.

ILikeBigRocks Tue 30-Jul-19 08:42:19

Hi Puella (like the username, brings back memories!) I write about business, basically. It's pretty niche. My family aren't really what you would call educated people, so I feel like I'm on my own in regards to forms etc. Maybe a recruitment agency is a good idea.

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interminablehellishwhatever Tue 30-Jul-19 12:41:30

I would second not starting the citalopram without close support because it doesn't work well for everyone and could have the opposite effect of making you feel worse. You might respond well to it but if you don't I'd worry that you'd get lower than you already are. Could de-motivate you. It's tricky. Is there anyone close who can monitor you for the first few weeks and make sure you're responding well to it overall? I just sense from your first post that further fatigue and low feelings are the last thing you need at present.

On the other hand, other posters have made some great suggestions. Trust me, you won't be the only nervous one at the dance class, no matter how it might look on the surface! Try to remember that. You may well make friends there over time.

Have you been officially diagnosed as a migraine sufferer? I only ask because they could try you on something like amitriptyline which would help with the pain and potentially give you a 'lift' too. Then you wouldn't need to bother with an SSRI like citalopram.

You could somehow brighten up your Sunday evenings in an attempt to break that deeply distressing cycle you're in at present. Now I don't mean to diminish or deny your grief at how things are affecting you, because that's very real and mustn't be swept under the rug. But can you think of anything at all that might take the edge off that transition from weekends to Mondays? So, you'll have that weekly cry for a while perhaps but you'll turn to something afterwards that can potentially soothe you and give you some hope that things will soon improve. Or just 'hold' you for a couple of hours before sleeping, to make even a small difference at this stage. Could be something you can do alone that really absorbs you and takes you out of yourself. Have you ever tried getting some creative materials out when you're close to the sobbing and just drawing or colouring or painting or crafting or modelling something? You don't need any 'art skills' whatsoever, if you're one of the many of us that doesn't, and you're not aiming to produce anything that needs to be even remotely intelligible to anyone else! It can look like a total mess, or a riot of colours or anything, but you do it before or during or after the tears and frustration, or at all or any of those stages. Then you could get a box of some kind and personalise it and keep whatever you produce inside it and store it somewhere private and add to it over the weeks.

That's just one possible distraction or activity, other posters might have alternative suggestions.

Application forms are a drag for most people. Just want to put that out there! A necessary evil, even. And trying to tackle them without some kind of deliberately allotted and finite schedule each week will potentially lead to self-sabotage. If you're not already limiting the time and energy you spend on them each week, have a think about doing so. Drawing boundaries around an uncomfortable and upsetting activity like that can really help you keep a balance. I'm wondering if the seeming 'endlessness' of where you are at the moment is part of what's getting to you? Because you know things are unlikely to change overnight, think about setting a rough (ie. fairly flexible) series of goals - short, medium and long term, with the latter being the change of job, maybe. You can then fit tasks like form filling into that goals structure, and that may well soften the impact of slogging away at them. Space stuff out.

But most of all, be as kind to yourself as possible. It's a cliché because it's true and we all need reminding of its value. In whatever ways you can think of, take pressure off yourself.

Egghead68 Tue 30-Jul-19 14:58:12

Dancing sounds great! Have a good time.

My understanding from your post was that you are already on citalopram and the doctor wants you to take more?

Do you have any meetup groups near you?

Is there anything that would make your work day more enjoyable? An exercise class or walk round the park at lunchtime?

TheQueef Tue 30-Jul-19 15:02:58

Seriously Welding is a good skill to have, you will meet a fair few people and have a varied work diary. smile it doesn't have to be exhausts!
I randomly learnt to scaffold

ILikeBigRocks Tue 30-Jul-19 17:28:51

Yes Egghead, been on 20mg for a long time but started taking 30mg as of today. My family are v. supportive thankfully. They won't kick in for a little while obviously; I'm supposed to see the doc later in Aug.

Today was a lot better- I actually invited someone out to lunch! -- outs self--

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ILikeBigRocks Tue 30-Jul-19 17:30:53

thequeef there's good business in scaffolding ATM! Did you use it professionally?

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Egghead68 Tue 30-Jul-19 17:43:38

Excellent ILikeBigRocks ! Really pleased to hear.

Egghead68 Tue 30-Jul-19 17:45:50

P.S. Have you had CBT or MBCT ever?

You can self refer here:
www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20%28IAPT%29/LocationSearch/10008

Oliversmumsarmy Tue 30-Jul-19 17:58:00

You could move to the city and try and get another job but is it worth considering that you might not be suited to working in an office environment

I know someone who qualified I'm her chosen profession and an hour into her first job went to the toilet and sobbed her heart out because she knew she had made a huge mistake.

She kept going in for 6 months thinking it might get better but it didn't.

She now does something completely different

ILikeBigRocks Tue 30-Jul-19 18:05:27

I have a lovely therapist who sees me every week. Been seeing her for a long time which does help massively. I just get blips sometimes though, it's hard toughing it out and trying to stay calm and normal between sessions.

I get very up and down- upset at 6pm, fine by 11pm. I've been like this all my life, to various degrees.

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TheQueef Tue 30-Jul-19 18:22:48

Never as a career but for a couple of family and friends before I got ill grin. I tell you Rocks you will love having a random skill. It was the only thing that forced me to be sociable really, my job is quite solitary.
Eeh I met some folk while I learnt.

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 31-Jul-19 10:41:22

DD and ds are in totally different careers but I have made sure they have both done courses in diy.

Even just for themselves they are able to tile, paint and decorate and hang doors and fit skirting boards etc

If all else fails they can turn their hand to another job

Egghead68 Wed 31-Jul-19 15:21:03

How about doing an exercise class or similar at 6pm then if you know that's a difficult time of day?

PenguinsRabbits Wed 31-Jul-19 15:28:51

I worked in political research then at HQ but quite a few jobs comes with a social life as part of the job which is great in your 20s but can be more challenging once you have children.

At your age I use to think where do I want to be in 5-10 years time then try and work out a plan. I found offices can vary a lot - I was usually happier in larger firms - more facilities, more people to chose from, opportunity to move teams sometimes. If you need advice on careers the employment board on MN may have people with experience - always found things like press/media roles came with quite an active social life.

I think its normal for moods to change within a day, I get that too. Not that I am in anyway normal grin I find distraction helps when I'm worrying so Netflix, music or chatting to a friend. Something to look forward to helps me like a holiday or things planned for weekends ahead. Great you are doing dance class and invited friend for lunch. I never responded to ADs and think they are given out too easily but they work well for some people.

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