I am a regular poster recently NC. I will only give vague details as this could be outing but I think it would help to write it down too.
I work in a job where I regularly see rare illnesses including cancer, I hear horror stories on a daily basis about someone who had a lump on their wrist and was dead a few weeks later from cancer. I can’t really stress how exposed I am to this every day.
While I was pregnant second time around I started having thoughts of, what happens to me if I die during childbirth and what will my husband tell my older son? I was actually fine but during labour was lying in a semi reclined position (due to monitoring) and all my weight was on my tailbone. It hurt! But we were all fine.
I’ve been mainly OK since my second birth but about 8 weeks ago I got horrendous constipation and strained a ridiculous amount. I had a load of piles appear along with this awful pressure/full feeling in my rectum. I went to the Gp, she had a look and said I’d got piles and gave me cream. They are just inside, and I can see them with a mirror too.
Now I’ve had a bad back for as long as I can remember but for the last few months going from sitting to standing, or anything that initially puts pressure on my tailbone then takes it off, causes me a sharp shooting pain. I also had pelvic girdle pain, this hasn’t really resolved and today I went for a physio appointment about it all.
The GP feels I have health anxiety and I know she is right. I had a longer than usual period and immediately presumed I had cervical cancer. I assumed I had bowel cancer when I was constipated, and now I’m terrified about the pain in my back and bum.
I know rationally that I’m probably ok - but, my mind is scaring me. I’ve gone from being a mostly sane, mostly rational person to someone who is imagining having to tell my son I’m dying, how I can save now so my husband isn’t without money when I’m gone, etc etc. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have a counselling appointment but it’s not for several weeks. When these thoughts start they are so distressing and I really feel like I’m going through it - so for example I imagine having to tell my son I’m dying and it reduces me to tears, I get sweaty, snappy, irritable. I just don’t know what to do. I also distrust health professionals as I’ve heard (through work) so many stories of GPs missing things. I have also had several family members die from cancer which I know isn’t helping things.
Please can anyone talk me down? I know I sound crazy. I was even worried about posting this in case in a few months it turns out I am seriously ill - and people look back at this post and say ‘she was told she just had health anxiety!’ I know I sound crazy and to be honest I feel it. I’m lonely and have no one else I can talk to. I’d appreciate any comforting words
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Is there anyone around for a friendly chat?
25 replies
Buzzfrightyears · 12/07/2019 15:05
OP posts:
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