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Health of DH(7 Posts)
Back story : Husband had Cancer several years ago ,was treated got the all clear (thank goodness)!,However seems to be convinced its come back in another part of the body!.Goes to see the Doctor a lot for reassurance !.AIBU to think he shouldnt keep doing this?.Part of me realises that he is worried and with good reason obviously!.But also worried Doctor is going to be fed up with this ?.Good relationship most of the time but worries endlessly and gets annoyed if I say this .How do other people who have been in this position cope?.All I see is people doing Marathons ,Long cycle rides etc !
First of all in so glad your dh was treated and given the all clear that's great news. Second he has health anxiety due to a major health event. He needs counselling, getting reassurance from the doctors only helps temporarily. Counselling is great for anxiety they help you to change the way you think about these sorts of things.
What @emptyspacex says.
What you are describing is health anxiety and Im surpried the GP hasnt pikced up on it.
Your Dh needs support from you as well as from his GP.
His GP wont get annoyed at that either.
I had cancer several years ago and am still very scared of it coming back. If it does come back it's terminal! I don't think people understand this fear if they haven't had cancer themselves. It's like a dark cloud hanging over you. It's extremely common. Nearly everyone I know who's had cancer feels the same fear. I think your husband needs counselling for the health anxiety. I was put on a mindfulness course specifically for people who'd had cancer. It helped.
Please get off his back!
Unless youve had cancer yourself, you really have No idea what's it feels like. I too am In Remission but worry several times a day about my future. My headache. Is it brain cancer? A spot on my face. Is it the start of skin cancer?
Honestly it's never ending.
We all deal with things differently and maybe if you'd had cancer yourself, you'd understand.
You found rather unsympathetic.
I get that to someone who didn't go / isn't going through this, it may seem obsessive and annoying, but he has classic health anxiety and maybe even some PTSD thrown in for good measure.
He won't like being like this - in actual fact he probably has an internal battle daily with one side of his brain telling him that that stomach ache from last night's curry is pancreatic cancer and the other side telling him he's being stupid and how people and his GP must think he's ridiculous and pathetic. He'll feel a whole range of emotions: terror, embarrassment, shame, sadness. It's not a nice way to live, and he needs professional help and also support from his loved ones to overcome it and start actually living his life again.
CBT can really help, as can EMDR if the anxiety stems from his cancer (which it does by the sound of it).
I think its normal to be very worried after cancer and totally understandable.
I don't think most people with cancer are doing long cycle rides, marathons etc, very much the exception and that's why it gets publicity. I can't do that myself and certainly wouldn't expect that of my healthy DH.
I think you need to be more sympathetic but also if he wants it gets therapy for anxiety. I do think its important for him to get medical checks though, doctor should be able to guide on what is sensible.
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