Echocardio appointment - too scared to go/hospital phobia

[kirstinm]

I don't know if anyone will be able to help me but I'm at amy wits end with this. I've had cardiac problems on and off for a few years, fluttery heart beats, fast resting heart rate mainly. Just after Christmas I was hospitalised for a few days for a different issue..I have since been diagnosed with Lupus which I am undergoing treatment for. I had an appointment through in February for an echocardiogram appointment which I ended up cancelling as I was so scared. My new scheduled appointment is this Friday, 24th May and I'm at the point of cancelling again. I know it's silly/stupid but I just can't face it. The thing is I know something is not right with my heart due to fast heart rate but I just can't face going to the appointment.

My biggest fear is that they will tell me I have to stay in the hospital after the appointment, I will flat out be unable to do that. I am very afraid of hospitals and I had a horrendous experience when I was admitted in January where I was treated very poorly.

On top of everything, I am just finishing up my degree and I have to submit my dissertation next week. My department have been amazing with me as I've been quite unwell all semester. I know I need to change some things before I submit but I just can't focus on it at the moment, I'm really struggling. My uni know I have this appointment coming up but not how anxious I am, I don't know if I should get in touch with them again? Sat here at the moment with tears streaming down my face trying to concentrate and I honestly feel like getting on a train somewhere and running away. I don't even know why I'm posting this really, just so scared and feel very alone. I don't know what to do.

[peeblet]

I had an echo 2 weeks ago. u lie there for 20 mins while they just roll the thing across your chest, like an ultrasound scan when pregnant. I'd put money on the heart thing being anxiety which I'm fairly sure mine also is and you really have nothing to worry aboout. don't cancel it, it's super simple and you'll be fine xxx

[Mrscog]

I really don’t think they will admit you there or then unless it’s a life threatening situation like a heart attack. The NHS just doesn’t really admit people from outpatient appointments like that.

[SunsetBunny]

Please go 💐💐 I’ve had similar symptoms and different investigations over the years, including an echo earlier this year. In my experience, the radiologist person does the echo and it is reviewed later by the cardiologist , so the chances are you won’t know the results immediately anyway.
And I know it’s easier said than done but worrying is wasted energy!
“Worrying doesn’t empty today of it’s sorrow, it empties tomorrow of its strength”

[kirstinm]

Thanks for your replies. I feel so scared and alone, it's nice to know someone is there. I've already had a CT scan as my lupus has caused some problems with my lungs. I literally spend every day worrying that I'm just going to drop down dead and I'm trying to tell myself that even if is something awful then at least I will know, and maybe there will be something they can do? I know I probably sound really stupid but I literally barely make it to my rheumatology appointments as I'm so afraid so this is just terrifying. If I could know for definite they won't try and make me stay in the hospital I would maybe feel a bit better. I just can't do it. I've built myself up after being in hospital but it took me so long.

I also don't know what to do about uni. They've been so good and I have worked so hard but I just can't see myself getting this finished.

[kirstinm]

the only reason I am thinking of going at all is I keep telling myself it's not fair on my boyfriend if something happens to me and we could have at least known about it.

[1990shopefulftm]

@kirstinm
Tell the cardiac physiologist that you're worried or uncomfortable, i've had four echos before because of my dad having a connective tissue disorder which i ve been tested for (as he died from it) and whenever i mention my family history when i have the test they happily described everything they are seeing as they do the test and specifically say exactly what's normal to me.

My heart is actually in perfect physical condition, i just possibly have a relatively harmless condition where my heart rate goes up when i stand . It could be something simple and treatable that you have, you'll regret not trying to find a reason if you don't get tested.

[SunsetBunny]

If they do happen to find anything of course there will be something they can do, and you owe it to yourself as much as anyone else to give yourself a chance, but hopefully just put your mind at rest.
Have you discussed it with your boyfriend ? I know that you probably feel you dont want to worry anyone else, but loved ones would prefer that you shared the load with them.

Can you ask for a deadline extension on health grounds?

[Jamhandprints]

I had this last year OP, so I understand how you feel. It was a pretty horrible 30 mins, mainly because I don't like getting my breasts out for strange men but the test didn't show anything. The cardiologist concluded it was just a bit of an irregular heart beat. Not dangerous at all. You may get similar news.

[kirstinm]

Thank you for your kind replies and for being so understanding. I've spoken with my boyfriend a little bit and I will try to do so again tomorrow. I could have a further extension at uni, but it would mean delaying graduation at this point, but it is an option, they've been great with me. I still don't know if I will physically be able to make myself go to the appointment but I aim to try.