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I think I'm autistic should I push for diagnosis(3 Posts)
Sorry this is long.
All my life I’ve been called odd or crazy or ‘the oddest child I know’ was a classic.
I was raised in an abusive home and as I got older I saw that my home life was in no way normal and just put my oddness down to the fact I didn’t have what everyone else seemed to anyway.
As an adult I read an article about autism and it had a checklist. I thought wow that’s me! Anyway I brushed it to one side I had a career I was doing well. But the thing is, I’m not doing so well now. Before my current situation I had to manage people and talk to people I am really really struggling. To the extent that I quit work. I’m now new in a badly paid crap job as I lost all confidence in my career role. I keep thinking one day I’ll go back to my career but the thought makes me so fearful as I felt here I am again, everyone calling me odd everyone saying what’s wrong with her when I was managing people. I have applied to non managerial roles but I’m really struggling to find the salary I was once on without it. That’s not to say I wasn’t a successful manager I did survive for three years but it was me being called odd and weird that got to me. I feel like if I was able to explain then maybe I would not have this in future.
The managing part was ok but the staff made comments that to be fair were innocently made but deeply affected me over the three years and eroded my confidence in my job. In my new job the comments have started again. But because I’m not the manager it’s worse in a way as I’m in a much less senior role people feel they can comment on my odd ways more. I understand to others the way I am is odd but it’s me. I am intelligent and able to do my job but I feel maybe a diagnosis would help me explain myself and stop these comments.
Has anyone else had a diagnosis or is it just a label that I don’t need?! I have no family either to help me as my own mother cut me off on a phone call one day saying I was too difficult to talk to. I had asked her to stop putting me down and she called me names and said she gives up, that was last year. She was never much of a dm anyway but my understanding is you need a family member to help with a diagnosis?
I know from what my dm said that I didn’t talk until I was 4 and had a number of things that occur in dc with autism but back when I was young no one really bothered! I’m just unsure if to push for diagnosis. Sorry for rambling on. I tried to stick to what I thought was relevant!
If you think a diagnosis will help you understand yourself, then do see the GP & start the process. It is a process, not an instant solution and it doesn't immediately get you access to support, but it might help.
it may also help to read about the topic, talk to people etc.
I recommend 'NeuroTribes' as a fascinating history of autism that may help you get a feel for how autistic people fit in to society.
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