Am I going mad ?

[Bellacat16]

I was involved in a near fatal car accident six weeks ago along with my fiancé while we were on holiday. The accident was caused by another driver who lost complete control of his vehicle and hit us straight on at about 90 mph.

My fiancé and I sustained life threatening injuries initially, and although he was injured I had very severe internal injuries which are still ongoing now from the trauma of wearing a seatbelt, which I hasten to add did save my life!

I have also been left with fairly severe neurological damage to my leg and arm and require surgery on my abdomen as soon as my body can cope with it.

I am home but am having to have adaptations and use equipment to try and function as normally as possible which is very frustrating.

I can’t help but feel angry all the time, I can’t stop crying, I hear the noise of the accident and even smell the accident and hear the voices of the people who tried to help, I watch the accident happen over and over again !! I am a health professional myself and gather these symptoms are true of PTSD.

I am now doubting everything and everyone around me, I have no interest in anything apart from wanting to spend money and buy items I can’t even use at the moment.

I am also angry at my partner as I don’t think he understands me, his injuries were not as severe as mine and he is recovering well, he believes I should be happy, I survived and as much as I know this is true I can’t feel like that at the moment, I am just very focused on my inability to function normally, my concern about my financial status, going from working to zero without sick pay.... I can’t talk to him about it as he feels I’m totally consumed with my injuries and illness and that I’m being very ungrateful !!

I hasten to add that during this stressful period my partner was so stressed and worried and alone with me when I was seriously ill that he turned on my family, which has now caused a huge divide, something which is tearing me apart too!!

I feel my life is falling apart in front of my eyes !!! Please help ... any advice greatly appreciated xx

[allypally999]

I think this sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to a horrible accident. Sorry for all you have been through and that your partner is not being supportive. People don't understand unless they have been through it and it can be very frustrating. I have no answers just sympathy as a chronic pain sufferer with depression myself. Good luck with your recovery.

[Bellacat16]

Thank you ... it is difficult.. my partner has been amazing but he does things completely different to me .. we were both in the accident as he was driving ... so he understands where I'm coming from, I suppose it's a typical male response... dust yourself off and get on with it... which I want to do desperately.

The pain is horrible and having to take high amounts of medication is really not what I want, but if it gets me through this period of time then that's how it has to be xx

[allypally999]

Sometimes men take a lot of training lol. My husband wasn't always as understanding as he is now. He has to do most things around the house now. Find things to occupy you and keep you from going mad (the entire boxsets of Buffy and Grey's Anatomy helped me) but do allow yourself to get well before you try to do too much x

[Pythonesque]

I agree that 6 weeks is very early days for the kind of trauma you describe. I wonder if you might be able to access some psychological support via your hospital team - worth asking about. I hope that knowing that how you are reacting is "normal" may help you cope / allow your flashback type symptoms to gradually reduce over time. Best wishes for your next surgery when it comes.

[littlebillie]

I'm so sorry, be kind to yourself and don't under estimate shock on top of your injuries.

[Spudina]

OP what happened to you was obviously massive. It's impacted on your physical health in a big way and is continuing to do so. Your reaction is totally normal. You need time to be able to grieve, in essence, for the change in your circumstances. Of course you don't have to feel lucky that some arse has left you in pain, disabled and out of work. Please see your GP for a referral to mental health services. Good luck with your recovery.

[Bellacat16]

Thank you all for your responses... I have been referred for urgent counselling to help with my PTSD however as you are probably aware the mental health services in the UK are over stretched and waiting times are abysmal.

I am still breaking down and still at a point where my partner and I are at very different points within the healing process. Once he's healed he should be back to normal, however as I said my injuries are totally different and I require surgery on my abdomen, and intense rehabilitation for my leg and arm. I'm so frustrated and angry !!

I feel he doesn't understand and that me just breathing at the moment irritates him .. he states he is worried about the financial implications of me being out of work, which I can understand but like I said this was not a choice and I'd give anything to return to how I was .

I suppose in essence I feel that he's now disappointed with what he's got, he's been robbed of his happy fun loving fiancée and instead has an emotional wreck as a partner and someone who is disabled and unable to contribute !! God what a mess !!!

[Pythonesque]

I imagine there's an insurance claim going on from the accident. Next time your partner expresses concerns about finances, suggest he checks with the insurance company what you will both be entitled to because of your injuries. I don't know much about how it works but there ought to be some amount to compensate for your directly related costs of time off and new disability. Probably a substantial amount to be honest, would be appropriate with what you describe.

[DonPablo]

Would some space from your partner help? Because it sounds like he's not helping you with your recovery. Could you move in woth your mum, dad, sister, or someone else who would be more conducive to you processing all of this?

What a lot you've been through and what a lot to come. Now is the time to put yourself first. I hope you make a full recovery soon

[Luscinia]

Are you entitled to any sickness benefits? I realise they are no substitute for an income but it would bring some money in.

[PoshPenny]

Is there an insurance claim going on? You should be getting some help that way, which could include an interim payment to cover the cost of private counselling for the PTSD that you can access ASAP. Clearly you're going to be unable to work for some time and therefore suffering financial hardship and that's down to the other drivers actions. Try to see what you are able to claim for, I hope it will help you both financially and mentally I've no idea where you'd start, but I would guess with your own insurance company? Others in here are bound to know.

[Bellacat16]

Thank you all for your posts it really helps to read your perspectives on this situation.

I am trying my best to continue as much as normal which is difficult as my life is as far from normal as can be !!

I feel I'm having to cope with my injuries and now a partner who doesn't feel connected to me anymore .. I am due for a consultant psychiatrist appointment for an initial assessment which is not until the end of April ... which is classed as urgent.

We have injury claims that need to be made but at present I'm unable to contemplate making these as I'm just not up to it xx