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Would you continue a pregnancy in my circumstances?

(20 Posts)
Meshpregnancy Sat 16-Mar-19 19:15:15

I am 41. I have three children. The youngest is 6. I thought I was well and truly done having kids.

After a terrible forceps birth with DC1 I had some stress incontinence and after DC3 I had a “simple and small” operation to fix it. The operation worked but I’ve had pelvic pain ever since. It later turned out the operation had inserted vaginal mesh which is now known to be a huge public health scandal due to the damage it’s done to many women.

My pain is nerve pain and affects me every day but I have learned to cope with it and although some days it’s quite bad I continue to manage to work and bring up my kids and have a social life. But I have to fight through the pain to do that and when it’s bad it’s awful and I panic.

I am accidentally pregnant. Nobody knows whether the pregnancy will make my pain and nerve damage worse. It would well do. It might not.

If it’s wasnt for the risk of pain and possibly disability then I would adore another baby, as wld my DH and kids. But I’m terrified of ruining my health and being unable to care for the baby. Also when I’m in pain I’m irritable which isn’t fair on my existing kids at all.

I really don’t know what to do.

OP’s posts: |
Trills Sat 16-Mar-19 19:22:04

Last week you didn't want to be pregnant, and had decided not to get pregnant. There's no particular reason why discovering that you are pregnant should change the fact that you'd decided against it.

It's OK and sensible and IMO should be expected that you'd still feel that being not-pregnant would be the best course.

Myusernameisunique Sat 16-Mar-19 19:22:28

I think in your situation I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy and I don't say that lightly as termination for me would be an absolutely major last resort. I have suffered from nerve pain and coping with that on a daily basis whilst looking after three children makes you superwoman in my eyes. I wouldn't take the risk of getting worse and never being able to enjoy the children you already have. Obviously it's easy for me to say as I'm not in your situation but that's how I view it given my limited experience of debilitating nerve pain.

Meshpregnancy Sat 16-Mar-19 19:28:16

Sorry @Trills but I have no idea what you are talking about. I’m 8 weeks pregnant, what do you mean last week I didn’t want to be pregnant and had decided against it? Are you confusing me with someone else?

OP’s posts: |
HerRoyalFattyness Sat 16-Mar-19 19:34:58

I have severe pelvic problems since my last pregnancy. My youngest is 3 and I've been told that another pregnancy would leave me disabled (as it is i cope with day to day life... with a lot of pain killers and physio)
I fell accidentally pregnant with twins.
I aborted.
It was the most difficult decision ive ever had to make and I hate that i had to, but i honestly had no choice.
It was either abort and continue life as we are, or continue the pregnancy and end up a disabled mother of 5 children.
I couldn't do that to my existing children. At least now i can still play with them and run around at the park, if i had carried on and had my twins, that wouldn't happen.

HerRoyalFattyness Sat 16-Mar-19 19:35:38

Sorry, meant to say that its entirely your decision, but weigh uo the risks carefully flowers

Trills Sat 16-Mar-19 21:16:09

"Last week" or "just before you found out", is what I mean.

Sunonthepatio Sat 16-Mar-19 22:52:26

I think you need a counselling session to decide. It's too big a decision to make using the internet.

Poppylizzyrose Sat 16-Mar-19 22:56:04

The problem is if you terminate will you be okay about it? I think counselling is in order too. After having mine and the love you feel, I’d really struggle to terminate but you need to think of your health too and get as much medical advice as you can. flowers

Cattenberg Sat 16-Mar-19 23:07:23

Have you spoken to a consultant about this? If not, could your GP refer you? In your shoes, I’d want to talk to an expert about whether removing the vaginal mesh could help with your nerve pain and whether a c-section would be worth considering.

pallisers Sat 16-Mar-19 23:09:51

To be honest, no I would not continue in those circumstances.

But what I would do isn't necessarily what you should do.

swingofthings Sun 17-Mar-19 05:47:13

Sadly it's impossible to advise as no-one can read the future and tell you if you are likely to be in a worse condition or not or the impa t of a new baby overall on your current à ility to cope with it. You need to imagine the worse case scenario and whether you would then be miserable and possibly resent your baby and weight it against the medical likelihood of it happening.

Personally I wouldn't take the chance either in addition to all what having a baby at your age entail but as above, we are not you.

Myfoolishboatisleaning Sun 17-Mar-19 06:05:23

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t at 41, I wouldn’t after 3 kids. But when you mention the possibility of long lasting disability and health problems, surely it is an absolute no brainer for anyone.

Palace13 Sun 17-Mar-19 06:05:39

You sound very torn. It's a huge,emotional decision to make. Especially when in ideal circumstances it sounds like you would want to continue the pregnancy.
Please see your GP asap for urgent referral to a specialist. Nobody's good wishes or opinions on here are worth anything in this instance. You need an expert medical opinion. Very best of luck to you

sittingonacornflake Sun 17-Mar-19 06:55:03

If I was in yours shoes and felt that I would like another baby I would want an urgent referral to a specialist to really assess the risks to my health. If it was more likely than not (more than 50%) that a further pregnancy would harm my health in the way that you describe then I think I would terminate on the basis I couldn't do that to my children, they deserve a mum who can look after them. BUT I'm not you. And I'm not pregnant. And I can only imagine how difficult this is for you when it's not a hypothetical situation. thanks

Meshpregnancy Sun 17-Mar-19 08:18:58

Thanks for your comments. I have seen a mesh specialist and am seeing another one in two weeks but they can’t give any guarantees as everyone reacts to mesh differently and mesh pregnancies are very rare. I’m also getting counselling, I posted here as well only because I’m thinking about this all the time.

It will break my heart to terminate but it would also break my heart to be in worse pain and not be able to be a good mum.

OP’s posts: |
sar302 Sun 17-Mar-19 08:36:17

I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemma.

I have stopped at one child due to the risk of my current birth injuries worsening with a second pregnancy and delivery.

I have weighed it up as 'happy family of 3', vs 'unhappy family of four'. My husband and I have spoken and been clear that any accidental pregnancy would be terminated. It's gutting to think of terminating a pregnancy, but for me the though of being doubly incontinent and depressed for the rest of my life is worse.

I hope you are able to make the right choice for you xx

rumptifizzer Sun 17-Mar-19 08:52:43

A very difficult decision but I would think in terms of putting my health first and that of my children, not of an unborn baby.

Chocolatecake12 Sun 17-Mar-19 09:00:32

I think that whatever you decide to do your dp needs to think very seriously about a vasectomy. You do not want to be in this position again. It must be agonising the thought of terminating a pregnancy that would be a happy surprise if it wasn’t for your pain and long term consequences.
Talk to a specialist obstetrician/gynaecologist before making your mind up.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Mon 18-Mar-19 19:37:45

I think you have made up your
Mind anyway OP flowers

Anyway with your health issues and 3 kids I would personally not want to add another child to the mix . I wish you the very best

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