Another heavy drinker - didn't want to hijack

[sosostupid]

I just need some help or advice really. I have been reading the other threads on drinking but didn't want to interfere with other people's stories. I know it's late to be posting but it is the only time I have felt the confidence to (after a few glasses of wine). I have been a heavy drinker since I was about 14/15, and it evidently became a big problem when I was convicted of drink driving 2 years ago. I am very ashamed of this. I am not making excuses as my actions were very wrong, but I cannot to this day remember getting in the car. I had been out, got a taxi back as usual and the next thing I remember is being stopped by the police. Thankfully, no-one was hurt and I have had support from the few people I had to tell as they knew this was completely out of character. After this I fell pregnant and drank maybe a glass of wine a fortnight. However, recently I have been falling back into my old ways and although don't go out much anymore have been drinking in the house 4-5 times a week. Am sorry for the v long and self indulgent post, but have no-one in rl I feel I can share my concerns with. Again I am so ashamed of my conviction and am only mentioning it as a background on my situation.

[Quattrocento]

Sorry so so. I am not very good at controlling my drinking either. I have made some progress and cut it down to Friday and Saturday nights. There is a lady called Kokeshi and another called Brassic who are brave and have conquered far bigger problems than I have. Just wanted to let you know that you were not alone.

[Doodledootoo]

Message withdrawn

[sosostupid]

Thanks Quattro, I have been following the Brassic thread with interest. I just didn't want to detract from it, and I also thought I was doing ok until I realised just how much my alcohol intake has been increasing lately.

[ArseAboutFace]

Hi SoSo

I'm usually BrassicMonkey but I name changed last night during a binge (I've been sober for a month today apart from last nights hiccup). You're very welcome to join in the thread that I started, also in Help. It's about to close as it's approaching 1000 posts but I'm going to start a follow up thread soon, and hopefully more posters struggling with alcohol problems will post without feeling like they are 'crashing'. Obviously keep posting on here if you prefer that, I'm sure you'll get as much support as I did (and I really did get loads, especially when I was going through withdrawal and I really, really needed it).

I don't drive (fortunately) but I do understand the shame of doing out of character things when you're under the influence of alcohol. Last night I behaved like a total pratt and today I'm full of shame, guilt and remorse. I haven't got any criminal convictions but I've physically, verbally and emotionally abused people when I've been drunk and I've got bloody tonnes of things whiring round in my mind that I can't quite believe that I did - but I know I must have.

I started my thread after a few drinks as well and I was really nervous about opening it the next morning and reading it sober. I understand why you had to drink to be able to do it.

Your post isn't self-indulgent. I think that feeling is very common amongst drinkers and I know when I was drinking regularly and heavily I felt like I was nothing more than a pest and that I had nothing valid to add to anything.

Do you want help to try and stop drinking or do you just want to get it under control?

Keep posting xx

[sosostupid]

Doodle - I have had quite a few episodes of losing chunks of a night after drinking (thankfully none as serious as my ddriving episode) and have been severely embarrased about what I may have said or done. The problem is that I enjoy the sociable aspects of drinking and can mostly control it. I was surprised how easy I found giving up alcohol and cigarettes while I was pg and think this has made me think I can't really be dependent on it. In short, I don't think I am ready for AA, maybe I am in denial.

[ArseAboutFace]

Oh, I was the same during pregnancy SoSo. Admittedly I struggled to stop smoking but giving up drink was easy. I actually don't find it that hard to stay sober now. It's the first drink that does me in. I just can't stop until I get totally out of order.

My heart goes out to you about the drink driving conviction. I'd love to say 'don't feel bad about it anymore, no-one was hurt etc', but I know that won't change the way you feel.

I've only been to one AA meeting and I'm not sure it was for me. I should try again, I know, but for now the most important thing is just staying sober.

[sosostupid]

Thanks Brassic, it was your posts that gave me the courage to write in the first place. I hope you have put your blip behind you - you are doing so well! I am not ready to give up totally, but I know that I am undoing my good work whilst pg. Also just had a medical to see if the dvla will give me my licence back and am v worried about the results. It is all my own stupid fault though.

[sosostupid]

Just want to clarify I am not pregnant now, think my post might have been unclear!

[ArseAboutFace]

I'm off to bed now SoSo, but wanted to say goodnight.

I was terrified of not being able to have another drink again - I'm still not keen on it now. I think you'll work it out for yourself whether you need to abstain completely or whether you can keep it under control. I hope it's the latter for you

[sosostupid]

Thanks again Brassic, I will look out for the new thread