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Struggling with baby because of health issues

(8 Posts)
ifihadonlyknown Mon 27-Nov-17 11:44:03

DS is 6 months. A very large, active boy. Already cruising, his legs are powerful and when he kicks it really hurts (C-section scar, fanny, boobs every time)and he weighs an absolute ton. I enjoy feeding him (excellent eater) and bathtimes and sleepy cuddles are a pleasure but the rest of the day has become a living nightmare for me. I have back problems, and a giant fibroid (which I'm hoping is coming out in the new year) I'm in pain every day. I'm maxed out on every painkiller for my back and still cry out in pain everytime I have to grab and lift him. Often in a hurry as he's fast and naughty/suicidal. The hormones I take to prevent me haemorrhaging daily from my fibroid give me stomach ache, headache and achey legs. I'm in tears a lot. GP has run out of ideas and the gynae appointments are slow coming. DP works all day and out most evenings and I don't have any support from family and no friends except 'hello' type people at the shops so I have to go alone whenever I take him to playzones or farms or whatever. When he was small, I loved taking him out and loved every minute of the day with him but he's just so big now I cant do anything with him sad He's in 9-12 months clothes so is likely to be twice the size before he's old enough that I don't need to pick him up anymore. He does have a large, beautiful , jungle themed soft play with lots of cool toys but he will only play in there for 20 mins or so before the screaming starts and I'm back to chasing him about. Actually scared about how I will cope as the months go on. Any ideas?

Psychobabble123 Mon 27-Nov-17 11:49:22

Honestly? I'd go back to work early so it reduces the time that its all on you to run around after him and you'll get some rest! (I find work far easier and my job is far from stress-free!)

Why doesn't your DP/DH help in the evenings??

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 27-Nov-17 11:52:02

Can you put him in childcare of some kind for some time each week to give you a rest?

Why is your partner out most evenings?

ifihadonlyknown Mon 27-Nov-17 12:00:46

He does two full days at nursery a week which really hammers the family budget. I have gone back to work but the gynae issues caused me to take time off sick as was bleeding so much and feel sick all the time, gave up. I'm hoping a hysterectomy might be offered soon but how the heck I will cope after that op when the C-section was so tough I don't know. I'm 34 and had the back problems for years, they got better until his birth. It took them 4 attempts to get an epidural into me and had to go really high up my spine as the bones are compressed low down. sure that hasn't helped. DP does private jobs in the evening to help with money and I'm too tired/thick to do anything clever home based. Besides, DS likes to get up at half 3 each morning so I'm pretty overtired just doing housework and childcare. A lottery win and a nanny would be great...

Notquitewhatimeant Mon 27-Nov-17 18:57:45

flowers OP, sounds incredibly tough and I can imagine quite draining. I have a different condition but one that basically causes me lots of joint pain and two DC and I completely get where you are coming from. I climb into bed and take painkillers the second they are asleep some days. The things that have helped me are talking to the GP/consultant and setting up decent pain relief/changing treatment, doing Pilates type exercises (which i do everyday by popping the tv on and all of lying on rug laughing at mummy's exercises) and being as organised as I can to avoid unnecessary trips up and down stairs of bending down too much. It gets easier once they can walk but I know that's a while off. I don't know how private you are but I eventually realised I needed to tell mum friends and people at play groups etc that I had difficulty doing some physical tasks. Once I swallowed my pride and did that, people really helped me by lifting them on to swings or into buggy etc. I hope some of that helps a little. Even doing all of the above, I still find it very challenging. I hope you can get some support and things get easier - take care of yourself, it's too easy to run yourself into the ground trying to manage.

ifihadonlyknown Tue 28-Nov-17 08:45:51

Thank you notquite. I feel like you really understand, right down to the bit about not telling people cos I'm too proud. I'm terrible at asking for help. I once dragged a whole roll of lino and 2 lengths of worktop into my house on my own because the muppets had decided they only to kerbside deliveries and I didn't want to ask for help. Its that sort of behaviour that probably buggered my back up in the first place. DP took the baby with him last night and after a rum and coke and a hot bath I totally smashed all the housework and laundry and set everyones clothes out for the day, this morning ran like a dream and I think I have the energy to take the monster child to soft play. There's clearly a psychological element too, lower stress levels = less pain and weakness. I'm pleased for you that you had the balls and maturity to be honest with people, I thing I'm moving in that direction.

user1499786242 Tue 28-Nov-17 12:51:56

Hi OP! You're doing so well
I have back problems which only actually started since giving birth (pelvis is screwed)
It's so so so hard
Especially as us mums tend to put a brave face on and just get on with it! If the child has to eat/bath/go in the pram there isn't much we can do!
But a few things
Try to do as little lifting as possible, I have a washing basket on wheels that I take around the house! Also things like stools by the bath etc
It does get easier once they can walk and don't need to be carried everywhere
I've taught my little boy how to climb into his pram and even his car seat which has made life easier! He's older than your little one but it won't be long before things become less physically demanding on your back

Another one of my problems is I hate to admit I'm struggling, I compare myself to other mums all the time and mentally it's exhausting so really try to take care of your mental health! Could you get some counselling?
That's great he goes to nursery, do you manage to rest when he's there?
I am pregnant again and I'm not ganna lie I am really really struggling
I didn't have back issues until the last few weeks last time so this pain is completely unbearable for me
I'm only 3 months so god knows how I will cope
Have just started Physio, is that an option? I think you can self refer yourself in most areas now?

Also Pilates!!! It really really made a difference to the pain and general feeling of weakness and just generally made me feel half human again
I've had to stop because of the pregnancy but hope to resume next week!
Also there is a Facebook page called 'grumpy bumpy mums' or something along those lines
For mums who are in chronic pain or have any health issues
Would be worth having a look as it's a nice way to get some support xx sending hugs

Notquitewhatimeant Thu 30-Nov-17 08:34:58

OP you made me laugh with the lino story. I'd so do that too! I hope your week is going a bit better. Totally agree about the psychological element. I find winter harder because the cold and the gloom gets me down.

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