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Anxiety & loneliness

(6 Posts)
Goldilocks83 Sat 07-Oct-17 11:15:38

Hi.
I'm a 33 year old part time working mother of 6 year old twins. I'm extremely happily married, but I am incredibly lonely on a personal level.
The problem is that I'm not sure if my anxiety is getting worse & im just over thinking things or if people (friends) are deliberately excluding me from social gatherings & it's getting very upsetting.
The problem is I know I probably have abandonment issues as every person throughout my life has left me even from being a baby, father, mother, etc so I could just be over thinking this all??
I'd like to think I'm a nice person, I always put others first, remember birthdays, special events etc. Offer my help when needed & friends have always appeared to enjoy nights out with me etc. Lately however I've noticed I've not been invited to quite a few events I would have thought I would have been?? & when I ask friends to check their diary for a possible night out date they never get back to me but I see on Facebook that they are out with their new circle of friends (new work colleagues) regularly.
I'm not clingy & totally understand people have different lives etc but it's happening more & more & I feel totally left out & lonely. It's been almost a year for one friend & almost 2 for the other. Surely they could fit in s nightout with me during that period? I always made time for them in the passed & totally get that as we became mothers that time has been significantly reduced, but not to that standard!
I don't feel I can approach the subject with them as it would look pretty sad (like I'm begging them to spend time with me!) & there could be totally reasonable explanations.
It's just making me so unhappy. I've always valued my friends & feel really let down & increasingly unhappy. It's making me depressed & I feel like I'm heading in the same direction I did when I suffered depression when tried for 8 years to conceive. I'm putting on weight & crying all the time. I feel lost & lonely.
I don't want to mention it to my husband who is totally amazing and would be so supportive as I don't want to look like the saddo with no friends.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
I know I could try clubs & meet new friends but I find I'm my time of life people already have their "clicks"
Many thanks in advance x

Goldilocks83 Sat 07-Oct-17 11:28:12

P.s I don't want my husband to think that him & the children are not enough, as they are my world. When I've mentioned my loneliness from friends in the passed he's been fantastic & took me out on a date night etc to cheer me up which was lovely. But it didn't solve the problem of not feeling like I'm a valued friend anymore.
I just wish I didn't care & it didn't upset me so much! 😔

allypally999 Sat 07-Oct-17 14:34:08

Do you have any spare time to volunteer anywhere? I know it sounds mad when you feel like this but I suffer from depression too and have been volunteering locally and have made lots of new friends through it. I feel better for doing it and get as much out as I put in. Its always possible to make new friends at any age (2 of my new ones are in their 80s!). I feel the same as you (and I'm sure most people do) about caring too much but you can't change how you are. You just need some new people - good luck!

Goldilocks83 Sat 07-Oct-17 14:48:59

Thankyou for your reply & advice. Although during the day I'm really busy with work, children & after school clubs/homework etc I will look into the possibility of volunteering.
You must find it very rewarding.
Many thanks 🙂

healthyheart Sat 07-Oct-17 14:58:15

Maybe try to be more direct if you are being vague? E.g. Instead of saying 'let's check our diaries and have a night out soon' maybe say, is anyone up for a takeaway night round mine, evening of 20th this month?' Or fancy a coffee next Friday ten thirty is good for me? Sort of thing. Good luck.

Lily2007 Sat 07-Oct-17 21:58:42

I would mention it to your husband so he's aware.

I've always found school a good way of making friends, I used to go to David Lloyds with the children and meet people there. I would just do what you are interested in and then hopefully friends will follow.

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