Advanced search

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention; if you think your problem could be acute, do so immediately. Even qualified doctors can't diagnose over the internet, so do bear that in mind when seeking or giving advice.

Anxiety & loneliness

(6 Posts)
Goldilocks83 Sat 07-Oct-17 11:15:38

I'm a 33 year old part time working mother of 6 year old twins. I'm extremely happily married, but I am incredibly lonely on a personal level.
The problem is that I'm not sure if my anxiety is getting worse & im just over thinking things or if people (friends) are deliberately excluding me from social gatherings & it's getting very upsetting.
The problem is I know I probably have abandonment issues as every person throughout my life has left me even from being a baby, father, mother, etc so I could just be over thinking this all??
I'd like to think I'm a nice person, I always put others first, remember birthdays, special events etc. Offer my help when needed & friends have always appeared to enjoy nights out with me etc. Lately however I've noticed I've not been invited to quite a few events I would have thought I would have been?? & when I ask friends to check their diary for a possible night out date they never get back to me but I see on Facebook that they are out with their new circle of friends (new work colleagues) regularly.
I'm not clingy & totally understand people have different lives etc but it's happening more & more & I feel totally left out & lonely. It's been almost a year for one friend & almost 2 for the other. Surely they could fit in s nightout with me during that period? I always made time for them in the passed & totally get that as we became mothers that time has been significantly reduced, but not to that standard!
I don't feel I can approach the subject with them as it would look pretty sad (like I'm begging them to spend time with me!) & there could be totally reasonable explanations.
It's just making me so unhappy. I've always valued my friends & feel really let down & increasingly unhappy. It's making me depressed & I feel like I'm heading in the same direction I did when I suffered depression when tried for 8 years to conceive. I'm putting on weight & crying all the time. I feel lost & lonely.
I don't want to mention it to my husband who is totally amazing and would be so supportive as I don't want to look like the saddo with no friends.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
I know I could try clubs & meet new friends but I find I'm my time of life people already have their "clicks"
Many thanks in advance x

Goldilocks83 Sat 07-Oct-17 11:28:12

P.s I don't want my husband to think that him & the children are not enough, as they are my world. When I've mentioned my loneliness from friends in the passed he's been fantastic & took me out on a date night etc to cheer me up which was lovely. But it didn't solve the problem of not feeling like I'm a valued friend anymore.
I just wish I didn't care & it didn't upset me so much! 😔

allypally999 Sat 07-Oct-17 14:34:08

Do you have any spare time to volunteer anywhere? I know it sounds mad when you feel like this but I suffer from depression too and have been volunteering locally and have made lots of new friends through it. I feel better for doing it and get as much out as I put in. Its always possible to make new friends at any age (2 of my new ones are in their 80s!). I feel the same as you (and I'm sure most people do) about caring too much but you can't change how you are. You just need some new people - good luck!

Goldilocks83 Sat 07-Oct-17 14:48:59

Thankyou for your reply & advice. Although during the day I'm really busy with work, children & after school clubs/homework etc I will look into the possibility of volunteering.
You must find it very rewarding.
Many thanks 🙂

healthyheart Sat 07-Oct-17 14:58:15

Maybe try to be more direct if you are being vague? E.g. Instead of saying 'let's check our diaries and have a night out soon' maybe say, is anyone up for a takeaway night round mine, evening of 20th this month?' Or fancy a coffee next Friday ten thirty is good for me? Sort of thing. Good luck.

Lily2007 Sat 07-Oct-17 21:58:42

I would mention it to your husband so he's aware.

I've always found school a good way of making friends, I used to go to David Lloyds with the children and meet people there. I would just do what you are interested in and then hopefully friends will follow.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: