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*^*^*^*^COPING WITH CANCER --- <<< SUPPORT THREAD >>> ^*^*^*^*^*

(221 Posts)
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Mon 26-Mar-07 20:39:50


i thought it might be a good idea to start one of these as its something that affects so many people and its just devestating. Hopefully we can support each other

This is a thread for anyone who is being affected by this awful disease, whether it is you, a family member or friend that is diagnosed feel free to come her and share how you feel, im sure as in true mumsnet spirit there will always be someone here to listen .

xxx kitty xxx

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Mon 26-Mar-07 20:40:03

I guess i should start eh?

My mum was diagnosed with skin cancer about 3 days ago now, its blew my world apart.

we are waiting to find out what type it is and whether she will need treatment.

Im not as bad as i was days ago, but am still very teary and 'on the edge'.

I have nothing to do but wait, im trying not to freak out too much as the growth was already removed when she got her diagnosis, so hopefully it is over before it began and its all gone. i hope so.


sweetheart Mon 26-Mar-07 20:43:15

Hi Kitty,

My mil was diagnosed with breast cancer about 3 weeks ago. She has had a mastectomy and is now waiting for the results of the biopsy. It's very wierd that I've gone from having no clue to being quite knowledgable about everything relating to breast cancer in a few weeks.

It was a total shock and the worst is possibly still to come. The operation went without a hitch but now we have chemo to overcome and the posibility that the cancer has spread - will find out in just over a week.

I'm sorry about your mum. It is a shock that rocks your world at first but I think you have to attack cancer with a positive attitude!

spudmasher Mon 26-Mar-07 20:49:12

My dad was diagnosed with cancer just after Christmas. At then end of February we found out it had spread into his lymph nodes and it is a very aggressive sort of cancer. We have been told to take one day at a time.

I live a long way from my mum and dad and I am struggling to get information from him and my mum as they are obviously trying to protect me.

He is having chemo but they are trying to balance it so that he maintains some quality of life.

I went down last week on my own to see him and he has changed so much physically. My mum is so run down. She is literally worried sick.

I am taking my children down to see him just after easter.

I find it really helps to talk about it, as I have done a lot on here already!!I have some lovely friends in real life who have been through it and/ know a lot about it, but I don't want to become a bore!!!

For me, it has changed my world. I have never come into contact with a serioud illness like this. My life has been charmed, I have been so lucky.

I felt as you describe, Kitty, and I still do sometimes, but I think I am entering a new stage now. Can't quite put my finger on what it is yet, though.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Mon 26-Mar-07 20:50:08

hi sweetheart

im sorry to hear about your MIL, it sounds like all is going well though, ill keep her in my prayers.

the spreading is what is worrying me,

i havent looked into it too much as it will just upset me more, but as far as i know there are a few different kinds of skin cancer, one of them more serious than the others.

if my mum has one of the less serious ones the likely hood is that its been removed, - but the bad one spreads quickly, which is sooo worrying.

im not really 100% on whats going on but i feel id rather be a bit in the dark until things are 100% - rather than being too knowledgable and worrying about things that may now be!!

if that makes sense,

(((( )))) hugs to you and your MIL

sweetheart Mon 26-Mar-07 20:54:14

I think because it is not me or an immediate relative I want all the information so I can be well informed, keep a cool and clear head and ask the right questions. If it was a member of my family or myself I think I would be the same and want to be kept in the dark.

The main thing I have learnt is that everything is very much one step at a time! When MIL was diagnosed she zoomed ahead to her funeral but there are lots of stages in between and everyone must focus all their energy on getting through each stage. We are currently on the waiting for results bit and we will deal with whatever comes next week.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Mon 26-Mar-07 20:55:46

how awful spud masher!

i understand completely about your parents trying to protect you, it took at least 3 days to get the truth from my mum. i guess she knew i wouldnt react well.

the fact you do not live close must make it all the worse,

i too felt i was becoming a bore, thats why i started this thread -so we can bore each other

you hit the nail on the head with the 'charmed life thing' thats how i feel,

like noting bad has ever happened, but now the worst thing i could imagine is happening,

i feel like im being punished in a way, for everything ive ever done wrong

sweetheart Mon 26-Mar-07 20:56:13

Hi spud,

sorry to hear about your dad. We are hoping mil's cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes.

I work with a guy that had cancer. He had a year off work whilst he had treatment and now he's back and in remition. His physical apperance is still different even now - about 6 months since being given the all clear. He is struggling to put on weight and still looks very frail.

spudmasher Mon 26-Mar-07 21:00:08

We can bore each other, and my god, I can go on and on about this!!!

Try not to think that the worst will happen.
I am finding it really hard not to but you must take in each piece of information as you get it.
You don't know what the doctors will say or how it will go.
One step at a time.

Here's me, saying that!!!
I am the world's worst speculator!!! I need to take a bit of my own advice!

runkid Mon 26-Mar-07 21:41:01

I am sorry for you all and will keep an eye on this thread.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer in september 06 i asked lots of questions and there is also alot of information on the internet that explains treatments etc quite well.

It is absolutely heart breaking to hear the words you have cancer and all you can do is take every day at a time.

my dad lost his fight to live in march but i was with him every step of the way.

I wish you all the best the services out there for cancer suffers and there familys is fantastic

blodwen Mon 26-Mar-07 21:54:18

My dad has just had a scab on his arm diagnosed as skin cancer, and is waiting to see a specialist. My mum died of cancer almost 3 years ago (breast, then bladder, lymph nodes etc). It is very hard. Cancer Backup have a lot of useful information. This thread is a very good idea. Friends in RL try hard to be supportive, but unless theyve been through it, it's not the same.

lizziemun Mon 26-Mar-07 22:30:59


So to hear your news.

My Dad has just been given a year to 18mths he has abestosis (sp)the cancer is across his left lung and heart. He and his wife (stepmother) have decided not to have any treatment and just enjoy the time he has left.

I found out when i was 15 weeks pregnant. I think that i am jinxed as when i was pregnant last time my nan was diagnosed with lung cancer, she died when dd was 18mths.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Tue 27-Mar-07 09:30:18

im so sorry to hear this, all of you.

having a bit of a bad day in terms of all this today so excuse me if im not quick to reply.

( ((((( )))) )

lizziemun Tue 27-Mar-07 10:38:56

Kitty, don't be sorry about having a bad day, we will all have them.

I will say for me although it was a shock, i think that it was easier for us to take the news because it's been on the cards for about a year. Where as for you the news came from nowhere.

Take time for yourself, hope you feel better soon

LilyLoo Tue 27-Mar-07 10:45:42

Hugs to all of you. Kitty what a very thoughtful idea to do this .It's always easier as blodwen said when you talk to others who can identify with you. All i can say is take one day at a time and make every day you have with that person count. Sadly i lost my mum to a brain tumour in three months but i think i was so shocked at the time and trying to convince myself that everything would be ok that i never really just grabbed her gave her a big hug and told her how much i loved her and it's something i regret now. Try to be positive so many people are cured from this also now. x

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Wed 28-Mar-07 08:30:43

hi Lily i am so so sorry for your loss

3 months is so fast.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Wed 28-Mar-07 08:35:18

how is everyone today?

Im OK, only because its my mums day off and were taking my sis to her 36 week antenatal, so excited she wants a homebirth so im going along to sort out the midwife if shes trouble! lol

lot of things are going on in my head now, like when shes sat in the sun i freak,

and i keep thinking of all the times when i was younger and she (and WE) would go on sunbeds, i just keep thinking if i had stopped her, or refused to go would this be happening now??

and ive bought my sons sunhats and sunlotion which im applying already, i hope i dont become a neurotic sun hating mum,

she used to work at the dostors and is close to one of the female docs so she is going back on monday to have a cht and see if anything else can be done rather then just waiting,

everybody knows, but noones mentioning it, its weird ... and awkward iykwim.

LilyLoo Wed 28-Mar-07 08:39:00

Have a lovely day today Kitty. It will be lovely to do something nice. I think people just don't really know what to say and fear they may upset you if they talk about it.

tiredemma Wed 28-Mar-07 09:58:54

thnaks for directing me to this thread kitty. Just waiting for news now so will post later when we find out whats going on.

Thanks again. x

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Wed 28-Mar-07 10:01:27

no probs,


shouldbe Wed 28-Mar-07 10:11:50

I've just come across from tiredemma's thread. My problem with cancer is more to do with playing the waiting game till I find a lump or have a diagnosis myself. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36 and managed 6years in and out of remission till it finally killed her at 42 Her mother had what the family call "women's cancer" - we think it was of the uterus, and also died in her early 40's. As I approach my mid 30's I'm finding I have an increasing fear of following the same fate and now find it very difficult to think beyond my children being teenagers cos I may not be here anyway It's not a thought that surfaces all the time but it is there in the back of my mind. My GP is aware of it and they are keeping a watch on me but that seems to be as much as can be done atm.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg Wed 28-Mar-07 10:18:58

how scary must be

like you say theres not much that can be done apart from wait,
but you have to bear in mind that many women have family members who have cancer in different forms and they themselves go on to lead a full healthy life, its not written in stone is it?

rowan1971 Wed 28-Mar-07 10:22:18

Shouldbe - what a horrible position to be in. Can't you ask to be tested for the BRCA gene I think that's the one - the most common gene in inherited breast cancer). If you have the gene, you could then consider your options with more information?

shouldbe Wed 28-Mar-07 10:30:24

I know there's just as much chance of not ever being diagnosed but, just now, that niggling voice that usally whispers about it in the back of my mind is starting to get louder.... I have been considering the genetic tests but thought you had to have a living relative to test against? And anyway, where would I go with the information if I did have the gene..? Not sure which is worse, to know (if it's bad) or to wait (and hope for the good)...

I'm sorry to hear other stories on here, best wishes to all and your families x

rowan1971 Wed 28-Mar-07 10:32:27

Shouldbe - I'm no expert on this and would hate to give you incorrect information, but I would guess that Breakthrough Breast Cancer would know the answer re. need for a living relative.

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